Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Rutgers - It's FIFE Time....

First, there was a football game Saturday evening that involved a team that wears Maize and Blue that plays NOTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE FOOTBALL to the fans that know and love Michigan Football.  And today’s first bit here is probably just going to be a bunch of random thoughts without a lot of cohesion behind them…

Until I got over the stupid call late in the 4th quarter by the referees (but I’m not going to bitch about that - we suck and got what we deserved) I started thinking about what I would write on Monday, and that depressed me.  So I started to think about other things…Happy things.  Things that don’t make my stomach hurt and make me want to throw up.  I actually thought, seriously, what could have been if Rich Rod would have had the good sense to keep Ron English.  Would things now be different?

Can I take the opportunity to write a little revisionist history?  The Rod and his offense just knocked off the Ducks, in Autzen.  And I was thinking, “Wow, if we hadn’t already had this guy once, we’d hire him!”   But, I wasn’t sold on everything Rich Rod was doing on offense, either.  But I think we all made the statement at one point in time or another that with Rich Rod’s Offense and a Classic Michigan Defense…Yeah, the Wolverines would have been pretty good.

Kovacs….I miss Kovacs.  How can a secondary that had been pretty good at holding teams to low passing totals give up over 400 passing yards to a team that couldn’t make a first down in the 2nd half when they played Penn State? 

I started thinking about certain coaches out there and how lousy they are on one side of the ball or the other.  Rich Rod’s problem was crystal clear:  He didn’t have a clue about defense and didn’t even know who the right people were to bring in to coach it.  I’m not even sure Rich Rod could spell Defense…

To be sure, I can name several coaches sitting without jobs today (that are collecting a paycheck, regardless) and I thought, “Hey, Rich Rod is having some success as a re-tread.  Other coaches get canned (Tubberville – Defense, Nutt – Super Recruiter, there’s at least one Bowden sitting behind a camera somewhere – Offense, Weis….Okay, I’m not going THAT Far)  that end up coaching somewhere else.  Why not get a COUPLE of those guys and have one be the “head coach” of the defense and the other be the “head coach” of the offense?   I mean, is that a great idea or what?

Feeling like it’s a great idea, from a purely selfish and personal standpoint, there will of course need to be some changes in Ann Arbor.  Because the current BranDictator won’t allow that to happen…Two head coaches I mean.  But maybe a super coach…you know…with head coaching subordinates.

I also wonder why the President hasn’t made any more statements.  You know, as TJH referred to him – was it Schitzel? – and that’s a moniker that can stay until he shows me something a wee bit more than a strongly worded letter.

Religion…That’s what Brandon got after that letter and maybe a phone call from the Prez.  I’m pretty sure that’s why you saw BranDictator on a 3 hour apology cruise last Thursday to all the news and media outlets in Ann Arbor and Detroit that would listen.  And stick a camera or microphone in his face….

Endearing no one (at least not this fan) with his comments or his strained attempt at getting us to believe that he was “hurt” by the student rally was just sickening.  And for a CEO that doesn’t know how to fake sincerity…well, that’s just bad…And if you’ve been paying attention to the little clues at the beginning of the paragraphs…you can pretty much conclude how the Ole’ MMQ is feeling today by adding this last comment….Or word actually….

This Season’s New Rallying Cry:   FIFE!!!

I mean...This cannot possibly end well...So Why not? 

The Rest of the Mess

Black Saturday – 2014 Style

The Grove looked PACKED!!!  If you DIDN’T SEE Katy Perry on Game Day, I’ve got it here for you on Youtube.  If she isn’t a primer for how to do the guest picker slot…I don’t know what is.  Everyone needs to have that much fun doing that spot!!!  And you know what?  Katy was 100% (or close!) on her picks!!!  Damn!  I need to get her for the FMQ!!!!

Sparty held on at the end…but boy, did they make it exciting…no one was there, however, as a bunch of students didn’t show up and other ones left early.  Hollis is now trying to get into the “More camera time for me, dammit!” act by issuing harshly worded tweets about how to get the right students into the stadium.  Hey, uh, Mr. Hollis?  If you can’t get them in there with a winning team…shit, man…Let it go…Let it go.  It was a pouring sleet storm in 30 degree weather at night.  That isn’t lack of support.  That was, “Hey, were up 27-3 and my twig and berries have turtled, man.  Let’s go find a warm bar and some warmer honeys…”  Just sayin’.  Even I have been known to call “over 21 points in the 4th quarter is Tailgate time.”

Texas A&M has been exposed as a fraud and I certainly put way too much value on South Carolina’s ranking…which, duh….Again – No rankings until last weekend of October.  That’s plenty soon enough.  The whole Auburn – Miss State – Ole Miss thing will sort itself out.  Don’t worry…

The suckeyes handled newcomer Maryland on the road….Huh…That must be their coach because a frosh QB shouldn’t be doing all these wonderful things on the field…not it a 5th year senior in Ann Arbor can’t do it…right?

Did I mention the Ducks going down on Thursday?  Yeah, yeah…Rich Rod…Miss him yet?  And he’s also the only undefeated coach in the PAC16….because the UTES beat up UCLA and left them with one loss trying to figure out where to now…

Sooners find another way to screw up…Have the sooners ever made it out of October when they’ve been ranked in the top 5?  TCU undefeated…  interesting…But Red River becomes a “whatever” game as I don’t think Texas ever really had a chance, anyway….

Cheeseheads bungle their opportunity and now have 2 losses…sending THEM to spoiler status…Which is a great Segway to

The 5 Stages of Slappy Fan Grief

  1.  Denial and Isolation:  Sparty – clinging to hopes that there loss to the Ducks doesn’t become any more of an Achilles heel than it already is….
  2. ANGER:  MICHIGAN FAN….Still here…AIN’T LEAVING!!!!  FIFE!!!
  3. Bargaining:  Texas A&M, Bama, Sooners and any other 1 loss team saying, “Hey, the committee HAS TO CONSIDER US TO BE 1 OF THE TOP 4 TEAMS!!!”
  4. Depression:  Too many to list….Gatorland is going to be the honorary number 1 after beating the Cremesicles but having their back up QB that won the game come home and do something INCREDIBLY STUPID less than 24 hours later?  BranDictator just sent the UF AD a lovely gift for getting Michigan out of the lead story slot….But Wolverines share the top slot as the chance of POST SEASON PLAY has taken an ugly turn.  Michigan’s odds of winning 6 games in total < 10%.
  5. Acceptance: Perdon’t, Iowa, Northwestern, Michigan, and Kansas…
The MMQ’s Top 10

Definitely a couple of stunners over the weekend. 

  1. FSU- they are not number 1, but still get a seat at the FF table…
  2. TIE  Auburn – Ole Miss – Miss State – There can be only ONE!!!
  3. Baylor – It’ll be one of these two coming out of the BigXII
  4. This hurts…domers…but FSU domer game will settle it all there...
  5. Sparty – SO MUCH HAS TO HAPPEN for Sparty to squeeze in…but, not impossible!
  6. Oregon – Mariota for Heismann…Just cause…
  7. TCU – Undefeated…
  8. Satan’s Warriors  -  FIRE SABAN!!!!  4-3 in his last 7 games!!!  Maybe he’d come back to Michigan?
  9. UCLA – It’s been ugly…I’m not sure how good the Pac12 is now..
  10. Oklahoma – Just cause….
  11. Texas A&M – outside looking in....
Idle Thoughts From Saturday

-Okay – we don’t look awful….
-Wait…Hold that thought.
-OMG!  Get to this guy…tackle the QB!  Pressure!
-He’s a lousy QB and we’re making him look like Heisman material.
-How many guys out there on that punt return?
-AGAIN???? 10 guys only this time on the return team?
-Why don’t we let Devin run more?
-Everyone lets their QB run…
-Yeah…injury and all that…I get it…but still.
-You can’t change a Tiger’s stripes…
-Ugh…Did I just mention Tigers?
-Another Detroit, Michigan Shit Stain….
-How is it that Sparty is the only center of athletic excellence right now?
-Back to Michigan…How is THAT NOT A COMPLETED PASS!!!???
-Change the F’ing Rule if that’s NOT A COMPLETE PASS!
-I’m officially pissed.
-Hoke, what are you doing?  A 46 yarder…Wait, that’s wrong…
-It’s a 56 YARDER?  Are you an idiot?
-Run a play for God’s Sake!
-I hope this is a fake of some sort…
-Oh, this sucks. 
-Wasted time…wasted time outs…and we suck little green donkey dicks…
-Because we’ve got nothing…I mean nothing.
-400 yards passing?  Seriously?

The Hot Seat

Genevieve Morton WINS AGAIN!  Lauren Mellor does not make the finals…Interesting!  She may still be an MMQ pick at the end of the season to round out the field, but the masses have spoken.  Week #6’s HSM based on the MMQ’s research and a loyal reader’s recommendation:  Samantha Hoopes!


  1.  Weis

Hot Seat Rank – No changes!  These guys are all in trouble….

Brady Hoke – It’s a foregone conclusion…         

  1. Will Muschamp:  beat the cremesicles...shitstorm in the press erupts...
  2. Hazell:  At least Purdue scored against the domers….
  3. Beckman:  He’s got problems….
  4. Norm Chow:  Hawaii.  The Rainbows haven’t mattered in a while.and that’s a fan base that cares.
  5. Mike London:  Needs wins…


I didn’t get week 6 bets down due to work related issues and other stuff going on.  But I finally did do a wrap on week 5 and we will look at getting some wagers down this weekend.  Hopefully, this hurts no one as the FMQ has been doing lousy…Think if I tweet Katy and ask her for a favor she’ll help me out?

Sorry if this sounds like Ancient History at this point –

Arkansas (+9) @ TA&M:  Take Arkansas and the 9 for $30
WIN!  Bank $57
Domers @ Syracuse (+10):  Take Syracuse and the 10 for $20
Cincinnati (+16.5) @ ohio:  Take Cincinnati and the 16.5 for $30
TCU (-32) @ SMUTake TCU and lay the 32 for $40
WIN!  Bank $76
Wyoming (+31) @ Sparty:    Take the Cowboys and the 31 for $20
Minnesota (+11.5) @ Michigan:  Take the Gophers and the 11.5 for $30
Arkansas – Cinci - TCU:  $30 pays 6 to 1…
Starting Bank:    $689

Total Win:  $133

BANK:           $822

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