Monday, October 31, 2016

How Sweet It Is?

Why the Question Mark?

You know how you think you’re going to start out writing something one way and then as time passes your mind starts to unravel the events of the previous day or few days and you start to think about things and you begin to formulate new trains of thought that take you in a completely different direction?

Yeah – me too…

I was going to hoot, yip, yap and deride Sparty for being 2-6 on the season.  I was going to reference the all-time record of 69-35-5.   But you know the MMQ.  I mean, I really hate to kick a guy when he’s down…I was going to golf clap their play and congratulate their coach for keeping it “close”.  I was going to compliment him for the utterly brilliant call of going for two with 1 tick of the clock left in regulation.  We were all so impressed:  You were sending a message that more or less said, “Wow, we really suck green donkey balls and we want the world to know it.  You know, for recruiting purposes.  We’re Spartans and we fight to the finish.”  I guess what I’m saying is, thanks for putting JPeppers as the leading highlight of all the College Football highlights on ESPN and the BTN as it helps improve his Heisman chances.


Yeah, I was really going to rip on the losers from East Lansing, but at 2-6, they’re not even losers anymore...They’re a nuisance to be dealt with.  Like fruit flies you can’t get rid of.  Dog poop that shows up in the yard.  Clogged toilets that need to be plunged…That recurring hemorrhoid that shows up from time to time…You get the idea.

Case in point (I know – Family Column, but a blogger has to do what a blogger has to do):  The always and consistently classy msu student section late in the 4th quarter with 1:07 to go, started the chant, “Fuck Jim Harbaugh!”  Here’s a link to the clip:



I don’t understand?  There wasn’t a keg of Schlitz or Natty Light tapped somewhere as incentive to leave the game early when you’re beat? 
There was no couches to burn?  Did you use them all up after the Middle Tennessee State game???  What gives?  I mean, you guys even have the process for this written down and everything!!!

Is there an apt description of where the sparty program is right now?  Wandering the deserted wasteland?  No…not quite right.  A ship lost at sea on a cloudy night with no stars to guide it?  Nah…that’s not it either as that would imply you’re boat’s still afloat and not heading to the bottom of the abyss...  I mean, the journey is still going in a downward direction…  So, what is it then?  Where’s bottom?  Can there be a bottom?  Is there ever a bottom to the green ooze you find in a putrid smelling swamp?

Can the last person to leave East Lansing please turn out the lights? 

WAIT!  Not during Antonni’s Post Game Presser!


(Editor’s Note:  Couldn’t find a short clip of this so:  Jump to the 12 minute mark and you’ll witness the greatest metaphor everSparty Readers:  Metaphor is defined as a thing regarded as representative or symbolic of something else, especially something abstract)  If this doesn’t make you laugh out loud, well, either you’re a sparty or you don’t find anything amusing!!!


I was also going to mention the brilliant tweet by Jordan Lewis and how he’s not the only one that is sporting a “26” this morning!  Love it!

Yep, I was going to talk about all that.  But then as I was sitting yesterday looking at the Rest of the Mess, it occurred to me that the order of things has changed.  We shouldn’t celebrate burying the “supposed” rival in east lansing.  Nope. 

1st:  They’re not a rival. Never have been, never will be.   True Rivals wouldn’t start yelling “Fuck your coach” at another rival.  There’s a respect issue here, plain and simple.  Meaning – It doesn’t exist.  On either side. 

 2nd:  There’s a lot more work for Michigan to do.

3 more games before WAR.  3 more games that are winnable, with two at home.  8-0 is what we should be celebrating, albeit cautiously, with our eyes on a MUCH BIGGER prize….

Bring on Durk’s Terps!!!

The Rest of the Mess

In no particular order this week….

Miami @ Domers:   Richt almost proved who the better coach was in this game as he almost – ALMOST brought the Canes back from a 20-0 deficit to beat the Domers on their home turf.  Too Bad, as they would have been 2-6 brothers with Sparty.  Now, they’re 3-4 with bowl hopes as a 5-7 team…..

World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party:  This shouldn’t be the highlight of the game if you’re Georgia, but right now, the puppy dawgs simply don’t have much to cheer about. 

9-10 win Richy Richt is looking really, REALLY good right now as you sit at 4-4 wondering what the hell is going on…..

Wiscy @ Nebraska:  Wiscy is TOUGH to beat at home.  Said it once, said it a million times.  Nebraska STILL HAS NOT WON at Camp Randall since they joined the B1G 5 seasons ago…Remember all those Husker fans that thought Nebraska would win the B1G every season?  Yeah…me too. 

PSU @ Purdon’t:  Huh, 1 win and PSU thinks they can beat up on the lowest of the low in the B1G.  Well, why not.  They’re now sitting at 6-2 with more conference weaklings left, wrapping up with msu in the final game..

Purple Kitties @ the Suckeyes: Is it me or does it seem like the suckeyes are REGRESSING as the season moves forward and not improving like a normal Urban Legend team?  This game was a lot closer than the spread and if not for a few oopsies on the Purple Kitties part, the suckeyes would have been looking at their 2nd B1G loss in as many games. 

Gophers @ the Illini:  Gophers go up – Gophers go Down.  So, this was an up week, OBVIOUSLY.  Meaning:  Next Saturday will be a down week with Purdon’t coming to town.  Look out Gopphers, this could be trouble. 

Louisville @ Virginia:  Lowly Virginia was a nuisance for the Cardinals and almost pulled off the beginning of what would have surely been titled “Black Saturday”, but just missed.  I for one am not convinced that the Cardinals are the best 1 loss team in the country.  Not yet. 

Cremesicles @ South Carolina:  That noise you heard was the back burner getting turned up to HIGH on Butch Jones’ heinie and the Tennessee Vols.  They should have put the GameCocks away with ease, but Muschamp got his “Save My Bacon” win this season and will live to coach another year.  I’m not total sure about Jones.  Oh, and this is just wrong:  You don’t try to hit a guy in the gimlets –  bad form:


And Yes, He WAS EJECTED.  Thanks for asking….

Baylor @ Texas:  Strong wins, but it won’t save him.  Baylor, on the other hand, did the CFP a favor by not having to consider an undefeated Big Xii team for the final 4 that’s in the middle of the biggest Title IX scandal in NCAA history.  Oh, and the CFP can also thank   

WVU @ Okie State:  Okie State is still trying to figure out HOW IN THE BLANKETY BLANK did we lose to Chippewas?  West Virginia also conveniently removed themselves from title talk by losing to the Cowboys.  Mike Gundy for head coach at...An SEC School?

Clemson @ FSU:  Part of the reason I’m not buying the ACC and Clemson as an undefeated team:  Should have lost to North Carolina.  Then the refs make this ticky-tack call that was so bad, it had Jimbo Fisher using no-no words that, again, I have to put on the blog cause, you know. 

I’m not sure what I’m going to do in the “I don’t need a committee, but Clemson will probably, regrettably remain in there until someone upsets them… 

The 5 Stages of Slappy Fan Grief

  1. Denial and Isolation Everyone in the Big Xii.  Your teams are the suckiest kind of suck that’s out there (well, we’ll put sparty in the category, too) and you are now out of the CFP discussion.  And you’re adding a conference championship next season in order to let someone LOSE one more game.  Yep – sheer brilliance.  Get mo money but run the risk of your champion losing a game.   Sparty Bonus:  Angry little green guy at work:  “Which ranked teams have you beaten?”  The MMQ, “Wiscy, Colorado, and PSU.”  “They weren’t ranked when you played them!”  MMQ:  “They are now!”  Little green guy, “So what? We beat Notre Dame when they were ranked!”  MMQ:  “Oh, you mean that 3-4 team in South Bend?”   There’s sparty logic for you!
  2. ANGER –You know, I should just leave the Domers on here all season.  They almost gave up a 20 point lead at home.  There was a national radio program caller (I won’t say which program as I can’t STAND the host – so you can probably figure it out) and for the life of me I cannot locate a clip or you tube where the caller wanted to discuss the “Catholics vs. Convicts” game.  The host interrupted the caller and dismissed him with a “We only talk about relevant games on this program!”   The caller went a little ballistic and was unceremoniously dropped!  LOL!!!  Sorry, Domers, but your games don’t even move the needle on TALK RADIO anymore. 
  3. Bargaining –Suckeyes.   There’s a lot of nervous suckeyes running around that have recognized the fact that this is NOT last year’s team.  And it’s a team that’s vulnerable.  With Nebraska, msu, and MICHIGAN left on the schedule, suckeyes everywhere have rectums that are puckering…..
  4. Depression –SpartyWhy not?.  Basketball season  - 11 days.  Cremesicles are joining you with 3 losses and out of any discussion for CFP and New Year’s 6 bowl slots.  Seminoles down here, too with 3 losses wondering how they got jobbed
  5.  Acceptance – Too many to list.  Time to follow recruiting and scouting next year’s schedule.


Idle Thoughts from Saturday

-Went to the Cider Mill to get Apples…

-Long’s Cider Mill in Commerce

-Took time out of watching “Game Day” to do this..

-And…they were out of apples!

-Still open, mind you.

-And the website never said they were out!

-What the asshat?????

-I GO to a CIDER MILL expecting apples.

-Brussel Sprouts, they had.  And they stunk!

-Can’t stand those things…

-Got apples at meijers....

-And used my new toy!

-Yes, I like to mess around in the kitchen every now and then…

-Cooking, I mean!!!   Clean it up out there.

-This is a Big Game!

-And I realized I forgot the Big Game in the Blue Tub when I got to AP’s house…

-Jeez – I’m out of it. 

-AP – Thanks for hosting, BTW! 

-Great Day for a game!!!

-I don’t think very straight on Big Game days…

-Not that I think that straight anyways…

-Here We Go!

-Jeez Defense.  Plan on playing today?

-Michigan Answers…At least the offense came to play…

-What the F@#$%^....

-Oh God, this is painful.

-Yet, I don’t feel like its “Out of Control”

-Not yet, anyway.

-Good lead going into halftime…

-And Michigan gets the ball to start out the 2nd.

-Aww Speight.

-Come on. 

-Okay, there we go.  Comfort score.

-It’s going to be close.

-Which, okay.  False hope for sparty is good.

-It’s over. 

-What’s this Boob without a D in his name doing now?

-Going for 2?

-Why?  Because you can?

-Fine.  Whatever.

-UH-OH!!!!  Look out!!!!!


-Yes, he who laughs last, laughs well…

-And if you’re this sparty, you mow the grass after that abortion your team left on the field….

-spotted at 3:25 next door to the party. 

-French fries and mowing the grass….

-That’s what sparties do best!



9Weeks into the season and we have 4 un-defeateds! 

Top 4 teams in the Country and if the play-off were played today:  Without a Doubt:  Bama.  Michigan, Washington and Clemson.  

Is that my CFP Final 4?  For now, yes.  But that Clemson pick is really iffy.  Strangely, if it stays that way, does everyone realize you’d have a traditional Rose Bowl Match-up right there? 

Who’s still got a shot:

  1. B1G Champion:  Nebraska needs a lot of help and 2 loss Wiscy is driving the B1G West Bus!
  2. SEC Champion:  Bama, Texas A&M, LSU and Auburn all have a shot.  Bama still needs to lose twice.
  3. ACC Champion:  Clemson.  Still shaky with that near miss to NC State & FSU. 
  4. PAC 14 Champion:  Washington or Colorado. 

The Hot Seat

Week #9’s Hot Seat Mascot.  This week’s Hot Seat Mascot is going off the page slightly and while she’s already been a Hot Seat Mascot, when you still got it, you still got it!  Suggested by a loyal reader as a “non posed” pictorial, Hot Seat Mascot for Week #9 is Jessica Alba!!!!


We’ll keep track of who’s gone as the season progresses….

  1. Miles and Cameron – LSU Head Coach and Offensive Coordinator. 
  2. VanGorder – Domer D-Coordinator. 
  3. Ron Turner – FIU. 
  4. Hazell PURDUE!
  5. Tim DeRuyter – Fresno State. 
    Electric Chair of Death Seat!

  1. Charlie Strong – Texas.  I know, he won.  But is it too much too little too late on the 40 Acres for Charlie?
  2. Kelly and $warbuck$ - He won too, but Domers are angry and are not happy campers at this point.   

The Hot Seat – Guy’s that have Hot Seats but Won’t get Canned, Immediately

  1. Helfrich – Oregon.  Still here and in charge.    
  2. Kirby Smart – 4-4 sucks for Georgia.  He might not get the full 3 years.
  3. Butch Jones – Cremesicles.  Three losses in what was supposed to be the Cremesicles year to win the SEC East is a problem….
  4. Muschamp  - down a notch after beating Cremesicles. 
  5. ANTONIO, MARK – They won’t fire him and I can see sparty losing the last 3 out of 4.  Yep, I can really see it. 
  6. Grobe – Baylor.  He is an interim so almost not fair to put him on the list….

Short List of Available or Desirable Head Coaches

  1. Jimbo Fisher – LSU, another SEC or Texas Job?  ….
  2. Kiffin – Domers.  Might as well go for broke…
  3. Hermann –Somehow this is screaming Texas more and more…after losing to SMU!  Texas will hire a C-USA coach just to see if he can lose to SMU, too?
  4. PJ FleckRowing the Boat….for Purdue?
  5. Willie Taggart  - Oregon????
  6. Les Miles AVAILABLE FOR HIRE – Hired a new agent to get his resume out there!
  7. Mike Leach – Get this one….For Texas!  ISn’t that a good fit?

Side NFL NOTE:  The Lions cannot get by the Texans…

MMQ Side Note:   Did you notice how I made it all the way through here without once calling Sparty L"ITTLE BROTHER!!!!" They should be happy about that!

Thursday, October 27, 2016

FMQ Week #9

Idle Thoughts From The Week

-Can we do something about 8:00 PM World Series starts….Please?

-People think I’ve got…what’s that disease where you fall asleep at any time?


-Yes!  Just looked it up!

-Right before I nodded off…..

-Game 1 – Cleveland!

-Game 2 – Cubbies!

-1 of these teams is GOING TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES!

-Meaning:  There’s hope for the Lions….

-Speaking of Cleveland:

-Mike C. on the distribution was at BOTH EVENTS on Tuesday night

-At Quicken Loans to see King James get his ring

-Then over to Progressive to catch game 1

-THAT’S a Sports Fan’s wet dream, if you ask me….

-BTW – Cities with Two Sport Champions in the same year?  Multiple….New York, LA, Boston, Chicago, Etc….

-Baseball – Football, Football – Basketball, and Basketball-Baseball…and Hockey in there, too….

-I looked it up.

-Can you name the only city that has held 3 Champion Titles in the same year?

-Hint:  Baseball – Football – Hockey

-2nd Hint:  You’ll never believe it….

-3rd Hint:  Old English D – Honolulu Blue – Octopus

-I know!  I couldn’t believe it, either…..1935 was the year. 

-Use that for your next Bar-Trivia win-a-drink game….

-If Michigan were a 23 point favorite against EMU, gambolors would be laying points like call girls laying clients on a Saturday night in Vegas….

-EMU’s offense currently ranks 87th in the nation…

-sparty’s offense:  89th

-Just sayin’…..

-Still having trouble figuring out how ohio led every statistical category against PSU…and lost.

-That was some 4th quarter.  BTN has been running an “Enhanced” version of that game.

-Check it out!

-And PSU-osu and Bama-A&M are perfect examples of Transitive Property NOT APPLYING!

-A&M should have beat Tennessee by a couple of scores - except for mistakes.

-Hence, should have been a close game with Bama.

-PSU was DESTROYED in the Big House…..49-10.

-Hence, osu should have covered…


-Is it Saturday yet?

A Halloween Story…..

This rivalry, while only a rivalry in the State of Michigan, is historically a lopsided, Michigan dominated affair…until the last 10 years.  They’ve been brutal, and Michigan fans admit “IT”.  We haven’t liked “IT”, but at least we admit “IT”.  And “IT” apparently returns every 27 years or so and manifests in some terrifying way…

After “The Horror 2” (The Punt that Wasn’t) things began to get really out of hand…an upset in Columbus was inexplicable...”IT” osu’d the suckeyes with a back-up QB…

“IT” had turned into a hideous, evil thing that could not be contained nor could “IT” be subdued.  “IT”, (players, students and fans combined), somehow found its way into the CFP last season after inexplicably winning the B1G in Indy for a 2nd time.  “IT” lucidly became cognizant as an uncontrollable ever growing existence and “Michigan Men” were required to be “nice” on New Year’s Eve 2015 and support “IT” with encouraging words and golf claps as we secretly cheered on Bama.   Mercifully, “IT” was immediately and humiliatingly bounced from the CFP. 

But had “IT” been destroyed?  Would “IT” manifest again the following season?

While perhaps not directly related, some think the results of this season up to this point may be Karma.   Because this green and white team’s QB was dismissive and rudely disrespectful to one of College Football’s GOAT: two time Heisman Trophy winner Archie Griffin!!  Sparty has gone 2-6 since that half ass of a half ass took the championship trophy from Archie.

Karma’s a BITCH!  And she takes no prisoners and shows no quarter…

Some of these “IT” fans claim that Michigan Men had to wander the desert for the “Little Brother Comments”.  Other fans of “IT” claimed that Michigan’s “Rule of the State” was over and that the Wolverines would never be back to a position of dominance. 

If that’s true, then how do you explain this season?  Is it a fluke?  Just an “oops” on Antonio’s and sparty’s part? 

Tell you what – to any and all of the sparty bretheren reading this:  Michigan, under the coaching of Jim Harbaugh, will NEVER lose or be on the verge of losing 6 games in a row.  Won’t happen. 

And maybe, “IT” can be vanquished for another 27 years…until “IT” inevitably reveals itself again….


As I was stumbling through this week’s spreads, it dawned on me that there’s a lot of “potentials” out there.  As in, some teams have the potential to screw up perfect seasons or potentially eliminate other teams from the CFP discussion altogether. 

Those teams:

Sparty vs. MICHIGAN

FSU vs. Clemson

Utah vs. Washington

Okie State vs. WVU

Texas vs. Baylor

Wiscy vs. Nebraska

Know what all the teams listed FIRST have in common?  They’re all playing at HOME this weekend.  Home field advantage, rivalry games…..Could this be a set-up for the first “Black Saturday” of 2016?

Could be!!!


Last week, Radio Shack created about as much havoc as The Dude did two weeks ago.  I hate to go right back to the Magic 8-Ball, but it will make a re-appearance at some point.  This week I’ll be looking for someone or something that can right the ship and put us back on the winning track.  Last week’s results – not pretty…


Feeling a little reckless this week as I feel dialed in on one particular game.  I know that’s not wise…but, whatever.  Posting on Thursday again to get a bet on tonight’s game.   Big Game for the ACC and I think I’ve got a read on it.  And seeing as how I don’t get much respect (regarding my picks, that is), I’ve invited the late, great Al Czervik to help me out this week and get us into the green! 

Thursday Night Lights!

VaTech @ Pitt (+3)

VaTech is playing really good football.  I can’t explain the Syracuse game with the exception that – College Football – and I think VaTech is easily a TD and a half better than Pitt.  Pitt’s been sliding and Narduzzi is wondering if sparty is going to call him home.  Al, what do you think.  “Jeez, the last time I saw a pick like that it had a hook in it!  No way Pitt doesn’t cover!”   Hmmmm…

Ignore Al and take Va Tech and lay the 3 for $25


Gophers @ Illinois (+3.5)

The fuzzy rodents have been in the up and down mode all season: big wins followed by fluky losses or close games.  But, if the theory holds, this SHOULD be an up game on the road at the Illini.  Giving up 32 to Rutgers is really giving me a reason to pause, however, as the Illini are not terrible on offense.  Al, really need your help here.  “You’re telling me you’d lay points and bet money on a school that has a mascot that looks like a kangaroo???”

Sigh, Take Illinois and 3.5 for $25

Georgia @ Florida (-7)

Georgia is having a train-wreck of a season.  Still, Florida only giving 7 in this game sort of made me scratch my head.  I wondered out loud what am I missing and looked at the stats.  The Dawgs have some decent numbers, just nothing showing up in the W-Column.  Still, in the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, I think I like the Gators covering.  Al, what’s the word?  “You actually make money doin’ this?  You’d be better off trying to make $14 the hard way!” 

Okay, take the Dawgs and the 7 for $25

Northwestern @ the suckeyes (-27)

In the last three weeks, Northwestern has been able to put up points on people.  This spread opened at 23 and has moved to 27.  I like to call this the “suckeyes lose and the next team pays dearly for it” affect.  However, I think the Purple Kitties passing attack that’s woken up in the last couple of games keeping it closer than that.  Al, some direction please.  “That pick resembles low grade dog food.  Why don’t you go scare up another round of drinks for our table?”

Screw Al - Take Northwestern and the 27 for $50

Maryland @ Indiana (-5)

Maryland coming off a pretty big emotional win.  The Hosers just lost and should be able to beat Derk’s Terps at home and cover easily.  Still, Maryland could play keep away – they rushed for over 200 yards against sparty – and Indiana might have trouble with that Defense.  I still think I like the Hosers….Al?  “Great Pick, Beautiful Pick….Now I know why Gamblers eat their young!” 

Jeez!!!  Take Maryland and the 5 for $25

Nebraska @ Wiscy (-9)

Wiscy at home at night.  Home in a night game has proven to be a good thing for home teams when looking at the spread this season.  But 9 seems like a lot to lay in a game that could be decided in OT.  I think I like the Huskers getting that many points, right Al?  “You’d be better off getting head from Amelia Earhart…”

Who invited this guy?  I’m still taking the Huskers and the 9 for $50

Clemson @ FSU (+4.5)

Seminoles getting points at home.  Jimbo Fisher SHOULD be able to get this team up for this game.  Replacements are playing better and Tallahassee should be rockin’!  I think I like another home dog here!  Mr. Czervik? “You shoulda’ stayed home and played with yourself!”   

Grrrrr…Take Clemson and lay the 4.5 for $25

Cremesicles @ South Carolina (+13)

Cremesicles laying 13 points on the road…But it’s South Carolina who can’t score more than 14 points in any game against sec opposition.  I like Cremesicles here laying points.  Should be an easy one.  Ahem….Al??? “You make a pick like that and it oughta’ come with a free bowl of soup!  It looks good on you though!” 

Whatever…Take the Cremesicles and lay the 13 for $25

Michigan @ Sparty (+23.5) O/U -  54

Wow - this spread opened at 18 (and I JUMPED ALL OVER IT) and it has shot up to 23.5 faster than a sparty grad making french fries joke getting re-tweeted on Twitter.  Everybody in Vegas is laying a lot of steam on Michigan and nobody likes sparty and their unicorn offense (It doesn't exist), even as a 3 TD dog…I’m laying points here as Michigan has mostly covered this season and revenge is in the air.  Al?  What do you think? 

“Moose, Rocco….Help Sparty here find his check book! 

Hey Everybody – We’re all gonna’ get laid!” 

Take Michigan and lay the 18 for $250 (That’s not a typo)


3 teams pays 6-1

Michigan – Nebraska - Northwestern $50