Monday, November 30, 2009

Bizarre Love Thanksgiving Week Triangle

First Story

Talk about a week of extremely weird news stories. Under the category that nothing good ever happens after midnight, we get the report on Sunday out of the Evil Empire of South Bend that young protégé Clausen got his eyes dotted outside a bar near campus at around closing time where he was attending with family and his girlfriend. This raises so many questions, I really don’t know where to begin:

1. What was a potential future NFL star doing in a bar closing the joint, even if he was with family?
2. Actually, especially if he was with family? What were they thinking?
3. What’s the deal with the girlfriend getting insulted?
4. Why did she “conveniently” forget her purse?
5. Why send Jimmy back after it if he already had “words” with some fellow that insulted the GF?
6. Can any good ever come from that?
7. Who is the perp?
8. Why isn’t he bragging it up on line somewhere?
9. Unless he was some Domer Sot that likes getting whiskeyed up and taking sucker punches at opposing fans and his own players…
10. MMQ was a victim of one such attack in South Bend after the only game I attended down there. Rabbit punch to the back of the neck that swung wide.
11. I only knew anything happened when the family of the drunk pulled him up off the ground while he continued to hurl insults at me after Michigan beat Holtz in his debut…
12. But I digress.
13. So, when are we going to hear the rest of this story? Ever?

Second Story:

The Mangino Chronicles – How in the world can Kansas – KANSAS – a basketball school decided to can a guy that has been the only individual in the modern era to take the J’s to 10 wins and an Orange Bowl win. That, by itself, should have got the coach not only a job for life, but they should wheel out his casket after he kicks and let him coach from the great beyond.

So, suddenly, Kansas is a powerhouse that deserves better in the Big 12 and has decided that it can do better than the guy they have. To that I say:
1. Ever seen Kansas?
2. Ever been to Lawrence, Kansas?
3. Ever wondered why ANYONE would live in the middle of a field?
4. There’s a rise on campus they call the “Hill”…It’s about 15 feet of elevation.
5. IF you can get kids to come to Kansas to play football, you, my friend, are a genius.
The kind of genius the Domer’s need…

Third Story

Normally, the MMQ sticks with football, but we simply have to comment on this. With his Alma Mater and J. Harbaugh defeating the Domers and how it might mysteriously might tie everything together. Yes, Tiger Woods went to Stanford, in case you didn’t know. And unless you were on a deserted island without AYNTHING, you obviously now know about Tiger’s accident, WHERE ALCOHOL WASN’T INVOLVED. So, let’s say we buy that, which, from all accounts, Tiger doesn’t drink, so okay..

Doesn’t gamble as far as we know– maybe some greenies or skins on the course….So, unless he has a Windemere late night cash poker game with some rich, affluent, Widemerites (sp?), what, exactly was he running out to get at 2:30 A.M. on the Friday after Turkey Day?


Nope…Depending on what you believe, and with the belief that everyone has a weakness, Tiger might have been, dare we even type this, going on a booty call? Chris Rock says that no matter how hot the chick, there’s some guy doing her that’s tired of putting up with her shit…

Two kids and Tiger ain’t the main man anymore…Isn’t it conceivable that he’s getting a little something on the side? Oh, MMQ, how can you suggest that the wholesome image of Tiger is going to be tarnished with such an act? Well, he was going somewhere with a purpose. Why else would he be out of control in his own driveway?

So, what’s it all mean? IT’S ALL CONNECTED!

HERE IT IS! You read it here first on this reputable site!

Mangino, a closet Notre Dame fan and wannabe head coach for the Domers, decides to visit South Bend after last week’s game and sees Jimmy and his GF in the bar and decides to try some Mangino love on her…Figures if she likes Clausen and has met and likes Charlie, well, there’s even more of him to love. MM makes the “Walrus Move” and Jimmy gets pissed. Mangino pops him one, figuring that with Jimmy gone, he’s got a even better shot at the Domer Top Spot when the Wuzzles loses to Stanford.….Jimmy’s girlfriend is upset, breaks up with Jimmy and sextexts Tiger Woods, looking to see what’s up. Tiger, upon reading that he could doink or do the backseat two step with the former GF of the QB on the OPPOSING TEAM in his Alma Mater’s final game, says, “Shit, man, I’ve GOT TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!”

YES LADIES AND GENTS! Leave it to your own MMQ to pull it all together and have it make complete sense!

Don’t think that’s the story…Well, maybe not…But whatever comes out can’t get any more bizarre than it already is, can it?

The New Theme of the Rest of the Mess:

“Schadenfreude” - A German term for "shameful joy", taking pleasure in the suffering of others.

DOMERS vs. Jimmy Harbaugh: Hee, Hee…..HEEHAHAHAHA! Okay, so the Weis Regime has to be over. Rumor is he’s clearing out the desk. In fact, I am waiting to post to see if we hear anything official from $warbuck$ before the morning is done. Who do we like? Short list: Stoops – Ain’t gonna happen. Kelly – Bet this hard. Peterson – TCU – Uh-uh. Doesn’t know the upper mid west and wants a Big 12 Job. Herbstreit said it best on Game Day: Why do we continue to waste so much time on an irrelevant program like Notre Dame? They haven’t mattered since 1993…Those are fighting words…
Texas vs. Texas AM: Texas prevails, but Texas AM is going to be a good team when they get a defense. Easily one of the best games of the weekend – in case you slept through it.
Pitt vs. WVU: The Backyard Brawl. Why does it seem that whichever team in this battle is having the best season is destined to lose this game? I mean, it’s friggin’ Karma.
$atan’s Warriors vs. Auburn: The Iron Bowl. This was SO CLOSE to setting the dominoes and tumblers into motion that would have pitted TCU vs. Boise State in the National Title Game….Nuts…
Cornsuckers vs. Colorado: Cornsuckers are “almost” back. Can they beat Texas in the Big 12 Championship and throw the monkey wrench in that we all desperately want?
Clemson vs. South Carolina: Ole Ball Coach can still coach against the ACC.
Okie State vs. Laters: Wow…I didn’t see this one coming. I figured Okie State big in this one…How wrong I was.
GATORLAND vs. Bobby: Sigh. So much for the Bowden Era. I am sure we will see news today.
Virginia vs. Va Tech: Groh’s final game as Cavalier’s head coach, at least that’s my guess…
LMU vs. Arkansas: Somehow, I would have liked to see LMU lose this one. Talk about your big bowl battle, though. This sent Arkansas to a non-New Year’s day bowl and clinched NYD for LMU….
UCLA vs. Southern Cal: Yadda, yadda, yadda...

Idle Thoughts From the Weekend

1. Have you heard the Stafford NFL films replay of the separated Shoulder?
2. Yikes! I mean, you can TELL he was in pain…
3. I knew the Domers would show up- winning, however, seems to elude this team...
4. When did defense become so hard to coach and recruit?
5. High School Highlights: Inkster gets beat by Lowell…
6. Why do we care? Devon Gardner, the hot recruit, was in the game QB’ing Inkster.
7. And I thought he got outplayed by his Lowell counterpart.
8. Where’s THAT kid going?
9. Will FSU ever be FSU again?
10. Officiating in the SEC has to be addressed.
11. HAS TO.
12. Okay, we know Tiger Woods was in an Accident.
13. Can someone tell us why?
14. I don’t like LSU’s new uniforms…
15. And what’s with Florida? Those were throwbacks, right?
16. I am glad the Big 10 will be playing this weekend next year.
17. So when do they add the championship?
18. Jimmy Harbaugh will not get outcoached….I am convinced of that much.
19. Take the interference call, but DO NOT LET THEM CATCH THE BALL!
20. Stanford could be a good team next year…Really Good.
21. So what is with the PAC 10? When do they add the 11 and 12th team?
22. I said it once and I’ll say it one last time – I will miss Charlie.

The Hot Seat

You know, I have to commend all of you and your readership of this drivel. Erin Andrews did look as cute as a button on Saturday night, but she’s always wearing too many clothes. How about getting Erin an assignment in on of the warmer bowl spots so we can see what she might wear given a climate that agrees with her….So, here's your weekly dose of Erin....


Coaching Carousel begins….

1. Wuzzles –GONE! (We’re jumping ahead of the mainstream media a little here) 2009 SEASON FIRST MAJOR CASUALTY!
2. Bobby Bowden – Ditto – But we can’t call him dead yet…
3. Stoops – I just don’t see this one happening….Stoops has been too good for the Laters…So, no Domers, either.
4. Al Groh - GONE! 2009 SECOND MAJOR CASUALTY! It’s official.
5. Mangino….Damn, All the fat jokes I could have been using with both this guy and Charlie….

GETTING COOLER – or Icy Cold – Or – The List that ND Swarbrick is going to call to be told, “No Thanks.”

1. Harbaugh
2. Petersen
3. Brian Kelly - Actually, he might say yes.....
4. Meyer
5. Saban




Last Week (2-2)
Cardinal over Domers – Yeah Baby!
Arkansas over LMU – Oops…But the Razors were THIS CLOSE….
Okie State vs. Laters – OOPS…This is why you Keep Bob Stoops.
Take A&M and the 22 points over Texas in the rivalry game…Yeah Baby!

This Week:

Okay, Take Gatorland….
The Wramblin Wreck is less of a mess than Clemson, even if the Tigers are looking for revenge…
Dare I go here? Is Texas beatable? Could this be the signature for Pelini? AS much as I want to, I just can’t do it….Texas and lay the points…

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