Monday, September 14, 2009

The Game That Cooked the Fatted Calf

Monday – Glorious, Wonderful Monday…….Overheard on the Domer (JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS!) sidelines spoken by Clausen when their Defense was on the field….

“Jimmy Loves Football!”
“Jimmy’s ready to play Michigan!”
“Jimmy’s DOWN!”
“Jimmy Loses!”

(With apologies to Jerry Seinfeld episode #105)

(Click here for "The Jimmy)

With all due respect, Clausen had a surprisingly good game – and I loved the Statue of Liberty…And his stats were worthy, dare I say it, of Heisman consideration, but (hee-hee) he lost the GAME! (Hee-Hee) and the best scene of the day had to be Lou Holtz (HEE-Hee-Hee) sitting on the ESPN Game Day Final set right after the game with a tear in his eye (HA-HEEE-HEEE-HA-Ha) lamenting in spite of the fact that the Domers LOST that Clausen had Heisman like numbers (HO-HEE-HAHAHAHAHA!)

The Domers (Jeez I Hate These Guys!) and their fans have been extremely patient with Wuzzles – NOT! I love the billboard that was erected in South Bend wishing Wuzzles luck on his 5th year in his internship as a collegiate head coach.

By the way I hear the are renaming Touchdown Jesus to:

Charlie Wuzzle's Assometer!
His Ass is THIS BIG This Season!

I am sure that the fan base will only turn the heat up the Wuzzles resign efforts. So much for the savior; The Chosen One. The NFL genius. But my guess is the finances in Domerland will require that they keep Wuzzles for his entire contract. Don’t mention the fact that his record is no better than the Scorge of Humanity (Losingham). If anything, the closeness and the competitiveness of the game may have in fact saved Wuzzles job. But when the opposing QB (Forcier) makes a comment in the presser that even HE was surprised that Charlie didn’t rush the ball in the last possession to force Michigan to burn their Time Outs and use up some of the clock, well, let’s just say that doesn’t bode well for the Fatted One. Especially with a pissed of Sparty team on the way down to South Bend….More on that in a minute.

And let’s give some credit where credit is due. Tate Forcier. Usually, that’s a guy wearing the OTHER TEAM’S uniform doing that to Michigan. Somehow, finally, that guy is wearing Maize and Blue and giving other Defensive Coordinators headaches – no – Nightmares. The Rod called a good game and made the right decision to punt late – I really thought that’s where we lost it and that was going to be the second guess today. Yes, I can’t believe Forcier’s a FRESHMAN. Can we keep this kid on the ground? Do we need or want to? He seems so cocksure of himself that only a loss will bring him down – maybe. And it will happen. But he might be the type that just shakes it off and comes out swinging the following week. Michigan’s Defense has too many holes to plug….We’re going to need all the offense we can get. The Rod’s time out in the first half to allow the review of the out of bounds step by the Domers was perfect. Oh, and Michigan lost every statistic – Time of Possession, Total Yards, Defensive Yards allowed…But won where it counted most – the Final Score. The Difference Maker – One Stonum Kick-off return for a Touch…It’s the little things, doncha’ think?

Yes, if The Force gets sacked, if Matthews drops the ball, if, if, if…I would have been writing a completely different submission this AM. But none of the bad things transpired. Oh, there was a late INT that made my stomach turn, but it was quickly replaced when we marched it down the field into scoring position.

Finally, what, if anything, will it take to convince the collective group of clueless dolts in South Bend that the power of an athletic conference is what makes great teams great? Sure, you can be down, but you won’t be out. History has proven this over time. And independents will soon go the way of the Dodo. Don’t think there’s power in conferences? Look at the WAC and the MAC. If the WAC qualifies two BCS teams – highly possible, BTW – that should be all the evidence the Domers need. But it will be ignored, of course.

I will not comment on Michigan rising into the Top 25, accept to say that any poll before October 1 is worthless. Let’s see where everyone is after 5 games.

The Rest of the Mess

Sending out an SOS----SOS----SOS----SOS----SOS----SOS-----SOS

Oh, how I would love to bring the MMQ Hammer down on Sparty.

SCENE: Saturday A.M. I happened to be at Meijer’s wearing the colors and a group of about eight Sparty’s - male and female - were prepping for a big tailgate. You know, Natty Light, Milwaukee’s Best, Five Star Vodka – the Volume vs. Quality thing. I made a comment and wished them luck and they made comments back that I am only partially paraphrasing, “Thanks, but you’re going to need it more than us.” And, “Yeah, we’ll take care of Notre Dame for you next week.” Hmmmmmmmm…..Who’s the arrogant team now?

Same Ole Sparty. It wasn’t the fact that you lost, but how you lost that continues to baffle. You had not one, or two, or three, but four separate opportunities to win that game late. And you blew all of them in Sparty fashion. Again, I would love to come down on you harder, but let’s see what happens this week in South Bend. My guess is you, like all your fans, were peaking ahead and checking the schedule and knew that the Domer game was coming and this was just another tune up. Let’s see who bounces back the best. And of course, we’ll settle it all on October 3rd in East Lansing.

And will it be possible for Michigan to come into East Lansing undefeated? Could happen.

CHIPPEWAS: CONGRATS! That was a great victory and you earned it! Sparty wasn’t going to lay down for you and you marched in there and took what was rightfully yours!

THE SUCKEYES of THE Ohio State University vs. Rubbers: I have been in error on reporting on THE Suckeyes and I have now corrected this terrible error. They will now always be THE Suckeyes.

Wow. What a game. And what a GAG by the Vest. He let a Navy 4th down result impact his decision to go for it early at home when the Rubbers offense was still tying it’s shoes. I know he took a lot of heat for that 4th down call against Navy, but man, when you have the Rubbers by the short hairs, punch it down their throats and rely on your crowd and your Defense to rattle the crap out of them. So many positives could have come out of that. Scoring a TD. Turning it over and holding them for future field position. Blocking the punt for a score when the Rubbers were deep in their own end zone. Etc. The Vest was extremely outcoached. He should have a play drawn up for a situation like that and let Pryor gain the confidence he needs. That single call, in my opinion, did more to crush the spirits of the Suckeyes than anything that happened in the 2nd half.

And with Toledo coming in on a roll….Well, look out for the MAC.

BRUINS – CREMESICLES: Kiffin discovered big time college football on Saturday. Cremesicles were good, but not good enough. And the Bruins might be trying to establish early that there is a Pac 10 rivalry that is alive and well in LA.

GATORLAND: Beat another no-name school that didn’t deserve to be on the field with them…We’ll talk more when you play a real team.

HOAKIES: Bounce back in convincing Fashion…

CORNSUCKERS: Looking tough early. But Big 12 is starting to look a little suspect…

SHORT HORNS: Needed an entire game to put away Wyoming.

AGGIES: Byes are nice…Even if they’re early….

LMU: Don’t fret – Les has them playing Football again.


1. Is there anyone as overweight in collegiate athletics as Wuzzles? Anyone? I am opening this up beyond football. Rollie Massimino comes to mind…Mangino, but they are both smaller than Wuzzles. We’re talking more than portly or husky, here. This is down right BIG.
2. I think Michigan Stadium sounds louder on the tube. Just thinking….
3. Why did the Domers choose Blue and Gold? Anyone? Could it be that it’s as close as they could get to the colors of their rivals…Could Be!
4. I wonder if the NBC announcers watch the Notre Dame Michigan game on ABC to see how “unbiased” reporting and game calling is handled…
5. I wonder if the FREEP guys read other newspapers to see how investigative journalism should be reported.
6. Do Domer fans make a noise if you leave them in the woods with a 1-1 record wondering “Where to from here?”
7. Do Domer fans wonder what makes it so hard to play MSU after Michigan?
8. If I had a dollar for every up-down emotion I had on Saturday – well, I’d have a lot of dollars....
9. You're passing!!????!!! Really???? After tearing off runs all day?
10. Thanks Wuzzles!
11. Pete Carroll is a Good Coach....Dammit....


Allright - I might have "Screwed Up" a little with Last week's mascot. I received the e-mails enlightening me to the fact that Tila is bisexual and her whole MTV show was about some lucky fan -male or female - getting a "little shot of Tequila"....Bad research on my part.

HOWEVER! I believe I make up for it with this week’s hot seat mascot: The University of Michigan Cheerleaders! Posing with a loyal MMQ reader TC from the Lakeland Football Team. Way to go TC! Did you get any phone numbers? Or does everyone just text now? Names? Anything? Regardless of what you got, Great Job! (But what's with the Attire? Can't your Old Man spring for a Michigan Shirt?)

BTW - You, too, can see the Cheerleaders, Band and Team go buy the Greatest Tailgate in Ann Arbor at the Southwest Corner of Hoover and Greene! Just show up on Game Day! (Home Games, Of Course!)

1. Wuzzles – Stick the Apple in the Pig’s Mouth…Ah, seriously, he will make it this year, but if he loses to USC again, it’s over.
2. Al Groh – he has to be next – losing to a D-II school with a fan base that wanted you gone last year has to be the breaking straw
3. Zookie – C’mon – He simply isn’t that good of a coach.
4. Shiano – From being heavily recruited to go anywhere to yesterday’s news
5. Bobby – I know they are going to let him stay as long as Joe-Pa, but the Seminole Fans have to be getting tired of the Urban Legend thing.
6. Dare I even put him on here? Okay – THE VEST. THE Suckeyes’ arrogance will start whining and complaining to bring someone in that can win the Big One.
7. The Ole Ball Coach - Dropping that Game to Georgia had to hurt...


Rich Rod – what a difference a winning record makes…


Tommy Two-Tone – Is he done with coaching?
Tommy Bowden – ditto – Clemson was a tough job….


Domers – Sparty: This one will be good
Wramblin’ Wreck – Crooks of Florida: Thursday Night Lights!
CREMESICLES AT GATORLAND: Time for Kiffin to Put up or Shut Up!
CORNSUCKERS AT HOAKIES: Same thing for the Men of Corn!

Upset Alert:

Washington over USC

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