Monday, September 13, 2010

All Hail Notre—Er, What the Hell Was That?

Hail to the Victors! It’s Great To Be A Michigan Wolverine!

THE MMQ's Official New Lyrics (for 2010, anyway) for the Domer Fight Song!
(With apologies to WHOMEVER originally penned this annoying song and lyrics…)

Really sons of Notre Dame?
Did you see that guy, What was his name?
Running fast with un-tied Shoes,
And leaving your defense all askew?
Oh, NOT AGAIN! Notre Dame!
Another last second game,
A new head coach that seemed quite lame,
We will now wonder,
And watch go under,
Kelly's regime at Notre Dame.

Oh, Not Again, Old Notre Dame,
Just like last year’s last second game,
Send an, ”Oh Crap!” cheer on high,
Robinsons’s the name you heard all night!
It didn’t matter, passing or running the ball,
Old Notre Dame couldn’t stop him at all,
While her moron fans are crying,
MICHIGAN! To victory!


I’m still smiling and it’s Monday Morning. There’s just something about beating the Domers (JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS!) that brings a smile to my face and a laugh to my lips. Sundays after a Michigan Victory are always a little brighter, but after a Domer drubbing, well, they are unbelievable! Kind of like a long, forever lasting….well you get the point as this is a family column.

How good were the Wolverines? Listen, first of all, they were good enough to win. Yes, there are problems with the defense: The Domers handed a blue print to everyone else we have to play this season: Throw often, throw deep. Kicking game? What kicking game? And when DenRo stumbles…Well, more on that in a minute.

Let’s first lambaste the new head coach in DomerLand: Kelly’s a boob. In this game, you take points when you can get points. If Kelly takes the 3 each time he’s knocking on the door, the Domers may have had a different outcome….But no, he figured he'd show his sterile balls off right away and go for it right before the half “In a big game against a big opponent” that categorically rejected him as a potential head coach. Patience is obviously not a Domer virtue among the coaches or the fans, speaking of which...

One of the guilty pleasures I have is going to the Domer message boards and reading all these “wonderful” statements like scUM, Michigan Sucks, Michigan sucks donkey parts, Michigan sucks dead donkey parts, etc, etc, etc from people who claim to be from a catholic religion…It frankly makes me sick and ashamed to be a catholic…..But I really enjoy reading them the day after scUM beats them into the ground.

And you know what really has to suck the donkey parts as the aforementioned Domers so eloquently put it? That this game was right within reach: The clouds parted, a rainbow was shown on NBC falling right down onto the Golden Dome and it looked like God would once again bail your sorry asses out of a game when Rudolph managed to get past Michigan’s safety and Crist threw one for 95 yards…But unfortunately, God only “likes” the Domers – HE LOVES MICHIGAN! And he really, really hated this, “WE ARE ND!” video montage, produced by the school, no less….

DenRo – It takes too long to type out Denard Robinson, so he’s now DenRo. First: Rich Rod is going to ride this kid till he breaks. He's the entire offense. When he is in there and things are clicking, it's great. But if he goes down....Which, given the Big 10 conference, he will at some point. But until then, he’s the horse – that much is clear. Can he continue to do what he does as often as he’s doing it? Doubtful. Is he the most exciting player in the college game right now? I haven’t seen anyone better, at least not yet. And I got my fill of college football on Saturday. McElroy from Alabama can sling it, but he’s no DenRo. Who, in that last drive, at least in my opinion, convinced me that he’s more than just a kid who can run. He stood in there and passed that rock when he had to and he HIT HIS RECEIVERS! Yes, he’s for real. I just hope Rich Rod gives him a break against UMass and Bowling Green…And finds a running game… and a Defense…And recruits somebody from the soccer team to hit 30 yarders.

The Rest of the Mess

First, a little Schadenfreude: Hokies, I would normally come down so hard on you for losing to an FCS (D-II) school that you wouldn’t ever want to come back to this blog…However, Michigan feels your pain and frankly, the College Football World is thanking you today. That loud guttural scream you heard from Idaho? That would be the natives all bemoaning the fact that the one top 25 team they played this year just fell not only out of the top 25, and that means the game they played against you likely will not matter at all. And that hurts Bosie more than it helps them. Again, thank you.

Sparty – FAU: Sparty, everyone was bashing you for only hanging 30 on these guys….From what I heard and the little I saw, I wouldn’t be too concerned. Your running game is there and my guess is Dantonio didn’t want to give Kelly’s Heroes any more to go on Saturday then “off tackle”. Good luck with the Domers. We pissed them off good for you.

Satan’s Warriors vs. PSU: Anybody else get the feeling that old Satan took his foot off the gas? Yeah, me too….That and PSU having the longest negative offensive yardage play in the history of PSU has to be a little unsettling if you’re a Nit Lion fan. By the way, watching that game and the Michigan-Domer clash, you can still see how far apart Michigan-Bama are. I sure hope we can close that gap come 2012.

Suckeyes vs. Miami: Well, the ACC just stunk the place up over the weekend, that’s for sure. Jacory Harris discussion of a Heisman just came to a 4 interception end on Saturday and TP looks good….Is there a showdown in Columbus brewing? Nope, better not get too far ahead of myself…

Gatorland vs. SFU: Looks like the Gators finally found their offense…Dammit…

Dawgs vs. the Ole Ball Coach: Did your MMQ call this one or what? Richy Rich might be looking for a job at the end of this season and has moved up on the ole hot seat meter…

Cremesicles vs. Ducks: Unbelievable, really. Vols looked in this game till Ducks just overwhelmed them. Volunteer fans are in for a long season.

Laters vs. FSU: Uh…When someone hears from the ACC, let me know. I’d like to be interested in them again at some point…

Idle Thoughts From Saturday

-Anyone else think Tom Hammond has mellowed over time?
-Or is it just the Domer losses are getting to him?
-DenRo looked a step slower to me Saturday…or he just doesn’t need to kick in the afterburners against a slow Domer Defense…
-Nate Montana is NOT the spitting image of his old man…Thank God…
-What happened to Floyd? Where was Floyd? Did he play?
-Sunshine? Rainbow? Leprechauns? FU!@#%$%ing Great….
-Hee-hee….Hahahahaha!!!! DenRo an Co. Did IT!
-I thought I heard the Domer fight song get played after WE Scored the last TD….Somebody tell me I’m wrong
-IS Oregon that good? OR is Tennessee that bad…
-Is PSU that bad or is Alabama that good?
-ACC looks that bad….
-Michigan is still the best Damn Team in the land - #1 in Winning Percentage!
-(I threw that in there for all the Domers reading – I KNOW how much that pisses them off!)
-The Domers may beat some people this year….
-It’s just a shame they put themselves through the Big 10 meat grinder in September and October and end up with 2 or 3 losses before November…
-Gee, if they had joined a conference, like the Big 10, those games wouldn’t be until later when they might have a better chance to win.
-Is there anything better than Beating the Domers in September? Anything?

The Hot Seat
You know, when Crist hit Rudolph, I just wanted to go to my happy place…And I decided to do a little research into the chick that played opposite of Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore. And guess what? It’s the same woman that play’s the blonde Mom in Modern Family, Julie Bowen! Why is that a big deal? Because I was actually going to use Julie as a Hot Seat Mascot based on the Modern Family role and now I need to find another mascot for the gap that now exists in the schedule!

I liked Julie in Happy Gilmore…

I really like her in Modern Family…

I think everyone knows why I like this shot of her…

And Lopez Tonight had the guts to run this shot when the View didn't (I know, is this hot or am I just being silly at this point? It can't be hot, but let's just say I put it here for the controversy...Discuss!)

So, here’s your week #2 Hot Seat Rankings:

1. Les Miles – If LSU loses 3 games this year, they’ll be screaming to get Satan back to LSU…
2. Zookie – Why he didn’t get the ax last year is beyond me.
3. Mark Richt – Moving him up after losing to the Ole Ball Coach…
4. Beamer – Let me tell you something about head coaches that lose to FCS teams
5. Brewster – Minnesota has lost its patience with this guy…Might actually have to move him higher…

FMQ Betting Results:

Michigan vs. the Domers:
Take Michigan and the 4 for $50.
WIN: Bank $95

Oregon at Tennessee: Take Tennessee and the 13.5 points for $40.

South Carolina vs. Georgia: Take South Carolina getting 3.5 for $40.
WIN: Bank $76

South Florida at Florida: I’ll take South Florida and the 16 for $40.
LOSE – Great, Gatorland finds an offense….

PSU at Alabama: PSU and the 12 against the Satan’s Warriors for $20….
LOSE – Dumbest bet I made on Saturday…

And just for giggles, let’s throw a three game parlay on Michigan, USC, and USF for the remaining $22.50. That’ll pay 6-1 if it comes home.
LOSE – Enough said about parlays….

Bank: $981.5

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