I was talking to one of my readers the other day - that makes a total of about 8 of you - and he informed me that he had read me pretty religiously in the past, but recently, he stated that he felt I had "lost it". What "it", I asked earnestly, in his opinion, had I lost?
"You know - the jab. The total disregard for peoples' and fans' feelings. You used to zing everyone pretty good. Now it seems like you're tip toeing around and trying to not piss anybody off. Just an observation." I thought about that. I thought about it a long time. It was a thought I simply couldn't shake. It actually was in my head when I woke up and when I went to bed. It would pop in there at inopportune times. Had I lost it? Was I less the "mean" spirited fan that I once was? Was there a drop off in how I used to write things vs. what I've become?
And when I searched for the answer, well....yeah.
I guess I am a little more "conservative" in my approach to bashing everybody. But, some of that swagger, brashness and bravado, or call it whatever you want, comes from SUPPORTING A WINNING TEAM!
Damn...If I trace back everything back to the biggest single debacle that derailed my enthusiasm and forced me to be humble in my approach to other schools and the voracity in which I go after the fans of those schools it would have to be when the world where Michigan Fans knew no losses to a MAC team (or a Division 2 team for that matter) all came to an end and the Apocalypse of Michigan Football began with a loss to Appalachin' Fuckin' State. Yeah, that was the beginning of the end...I couldn't poke fun without someone bringing that up or throwing it back in my face. Then, while that 2007 season had decent ending with a victory over Gatorland, I still had a funny taste in my mouth and the words simply never flowed as well as they did...Everything got stuck in my finger tips on the keyboard with the knowledge that I was a fan of a team that LOST AT FUCKING HOME to a DII school.
Start the Rod Experiment. Things go haywire even more. I mean, it really degrades quickly in one season. The obvious softness and apparent lack of talent becoming more evident with each game. And then it happens and we lose to a MAC team with a LOSING RECORD!...WTF....
Which more or less brings us to right now. What, what can be the upside to all of this? The fall has been complete. We have gone down as far as we can go. The soul has been burnt clean of everything that was once considered prideful, despite a strong outward apperance and a small rally in there when we defeated the Domers...We have more or less gone through the smelting pot of football refinement and have emerged as bright shiny new Steel - hungry fans, ready for victory and pursuits of National Titles.
In the quiet of winter, when you have time to reflect on life and wonder what could be, as a fan I used to dream of undefeated seasons. Times when I would let myself think about the Mythical BCS National Championship...Beating The fuckin' SUCKEYES...You know, regular stuff a Michigan Fan is SUPPOSED TO think about...
Now, I think of 7 wins. 7 wins and a bowl season...Is this what the MMQ has been reduced to? I would rather die an ugly death by "Snu-Snu" than have to suffer through another uninspiring season of garbage similar to what we have seen the last two years. But, it might have to be the Snu-Snu based on what we have seen and where were headed....
So, inspiration it seems, is scarce. How does one become inspired to hate and abuse the enemy when so much of the hate and abuse I want to dish out needs to go towards my own house? Where does one find inspiration to go after enemies with reckless abandon and accuse them of being everything that's wrong with College Football when my own team is a poster child of what not to do?
While I never thought the day would come when I would ever "quit" being the MMQ, there have certainly been times when I wondered why I did it at all? We're people reading? And it dawned on me:
I do it for ME. I don't care if you read or you don't. It's cathargic - if that's the word. I do it to relase tension, get my thoughts and words in order, and help keep me from either being an ass to opposing fans (which I used to do like there was no tomorrow) or cutting my own wrists - like I have wanted to do for the last two years.
So read if you enjoy, and I will stop being obsessed about worrying whether or not you are reading. That's the beauty of this job. There's no pay - so you can't fire me!