Monday, September 15, 2014

WTF??? And I Don't Mean: Well That's Fantastic!

I have to say that I’m never quite sure what will come out on Monday Morning, even after I’ve attended a game or watched it on the tube.  I usually take Sunday to reflect and think about things in order to not simply be a RANTING, RAVING LUNATIC on Monday morning, so people will actually see that I have some intelligence and can put together a logical, cohesive review of the events that transpired on Saturday.  However, on Saturday afternoon in a NOT PACKED (Sections of the Big House were completely empty – no WAY there was 102K in attendance) stadium with approximately a minute left in the 2nd quarter, the logical side of my brain combined with the emotion filled Maize and Blue side of my brain and came to a point of acute clarity:  With exactly 1:17 left in the 2nd Quarter, I realized this-

Brady Hoke needs to be fired.

Again, I’m not saying today.  That accomplishes nothing.  But, I think we need to review the end of the 2nd quarter in detail.  I’m putting the play-by-play in here so you can re-live the gut wrenching, excruciating agony we were all going through as fans at that particular moment in time.

Michigan gets the ball on their own 47 yard line with 3 and change on the game clock, up 7 points.  There had been turnovers earlier in the 2nd quarter and that was building up all the fan’s frustration, but I said out loud to the crowd around me:  “OK.  This is good.  Put together some sort of scoring drive and take some momentum into the locker room for halftime.”  Folks, Miami has not won a game in their last 18 tries.  A hurry-hurry, up tempo offense with Michigan’s athletes should be able to shred the Miami defense for an easy score.  Plain and simple.

But no….Michigan, on first and 10, with three time-outs remaining, huddled.  The ball was snapped on that first down with less than 10 seconds on the play clock.  Meaning:  Michigan wasted approximately 30 seconds of valuable game clock in the huddle and coming up to the line of scrimmage.  Then, on 2nd down….Michigan huddled.  And snapped the ball AGAIN with less than 10 seconds on the play clock!!!!  Finally, Michigan huddled, RAN AGAIN and, mercifully got a first down which stopped the clock with under 1:40 left in the half.  That’s nearly a 2:00 waste of game time….


With each second that ticked off the game clock, my brain began to emotionally lose control.  The logical side of my mind initially looked at the time left and said, “Yeah, OK, don’t score too quickly and leave them time to score. Get down into scoring position and then kill some clock…”  Now, Michigan had squandered away nearly a minute and 40 seconds of precious clock, and still had all 3 TO’s on the board.  I believe this is when I snapped, and my moment of clarity arrived. 

Brady Hoke needs to be fired.  This is a FIRE-ABLE offense.


Not only was the opportunity wasted, it gets worse.  Devin throws an incomplete on 1st down and Michigan RUNS ON 2ND DOWN and uses a TO with 1:17 left.  Now, I was really irked, but at least someone was thinking about the clock.  After another pass where Canteen couldn’t stretch for the 1st down, Michigan tried to hurry to the line for a quick 4th down snap, but instead Miami calls a 0:30 TO to insure they were ready for what was coming.  And what does Michigan do instead of using that TO to plan an Elvis Grbac to Desmond Howard 4th down type play, they try to FOOL MIAMI into jumping off-sides!  If that wasn’t the most “CHICKEN-EXCREMENT” plan and play-call I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is…You have the athletes – USE THEM!  Take a SHOT, fergodsakes and build some confidence in your OFFENSE!  Even if you miss, YOU’VE SEEN TO IT THAT THERE’S less than a minute of game time left and the Miami offense isn’t that great…I’ll take my chances with my Defense…

After that 4th down “trickery” fails and Michigan gets penalized, I figured, “OK.  Settle down.  This isn’t so bad.  Now its 4th and 6 and I guess everyone on Michigan’s Elite Offensive Minded Coaching Staff was figuring, “Hey, we’re passing for the whole enchilada, anyway, so we tried to trick them and it didn’t work.  Let’s go run this play now and get into scoring position.” 

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO…..The Gutless Wonder (that would be Hoke), sends out the punt team with ball inside the 40 and a minute left on the clock!!!!

AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  (The screams were in my head, but they were soooo loud!!!  At least, I hope they were in my head….)

And Michigan takes another delay of game and Hagerup ends up punting it into the end zone.  A complete waste of 3:27 to end the half.  The offense learned NOTHING!  The team achieved NOTHING except 11 total yards of offense.

And Hoke has proven to this fan that he’s completely incompetent and in over his head as the head coach of a major program – which I’m beginning to see Michigan is not – A major program.  They are just another college football team that is not exceptional…and not very good.

Brady Hoke needs to be fired.  I don’t care what happened for the rest of the game.  The point is, Michigan should have beaten Miami easily.  They did in the 2nd half.  But the time that TRULY COUNTED was that 3:27 in the 2nd quarter.  That, in this fan’s mind, is a microcosm, a snapshot in time, of what’s wrong with this team.

Does the Michigan staff watch college football today?  Do they even professs to have a clue as to what everyone else is doing?  Even the “Power Teams” that Michigan is trying to be like and emulate have more or less abandoned “the huddle”.  Bama, Stanford, all of them….It’s a dinosaur whose time has come and gone.  It’s a throwback to a time when 40-50 offensive plays a game were enough. 

College Football is about numbers.  And the simple way to look at it:  If I’m running 70-85 offensive plays to your 50 plays, I’ve got 50% again more chances that my offense is going to make something good happen because your defense is getting tired and CANNOT ONLY NOT KEEP PACE with my offense, BUT YOUR DEFENSE CAN’T PLAY PERFECTLY ALL THE TIME!  Advantage:  Up tempo, 70-85 play offenses over an offense trying to play perfectly and limit the number of plays they run on offense.

Please watch and if Hoke continues to huddle, you will know that the MMQ is slowly, steadily going down into the abyss of realizing that Michigan Football is never going to matter again.  Not as long as this guy is in charge.  Along with Brandone….always include Brandone in any firing discussion from now until eternity. 

I hope Brandone was in the Box and I hope he saw the empty stands (how couldn’t he?) and he heard the boos.  Fans paid good money to boo that series and this coaching staff…Be glad they were there to boo.  Next season, they might not be.  There won't be anyone to boo....

I miss Bill Martin and Rich Rod….

The Rest of the Mess

Va Tech did what you’re not supposed to do after slaying the dragon…They themselves got slayed…  East Carolina had the reputation and pulled off the upset.  Where to from here, Hokies?

Boston College ripped through the Rubbers easily with a strong, penetrating offensive line that took advantage of an in-experienced defensive line of USC….

Perdon’t did much better than Michigan and at least scored on the domers…But I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good or a bad team…the domers, I mean…

Iowa crapped the bed again against ISU and the dumpster fire known as the B1G conference is still ablaze….Ferentz has to be feeling some heat…

Penn State is the only undefeated team (after Nebraska) left in the B1G and it’s hard to fathom that a team that should still be digging itself out of a NCAA penalty hole could be vying for the whole enchilada come November…

Georgia looked so impressive against Clemson and then so anemic against the Ole Ball Coach’s Cocks…Mark Richt web-sites have gotten a re-surgence in internet hits and will start making the owners of those sites money again very soon…

The Hogs saved Beliema’s Bacon and cruised to an easy victory in Lubbock….

Muschamp will probably move back into the 1 spot after barely beating Kentucky and Stoops (not that one) in double OT.   Gator fans are growing restless….And Gatorland hasn’t mattered in a VERY LONG TIME in the SEC…

And last but not least, ohio treated their Macrifice exactly as you should treat them:   Like a baby treats a diaper.  They hung 66 on Kent State and held them to 0 on the other side of the ball.  Where’s that kind of utter destruction mind set in the Michigan “Goals and Objectives”???  Anyone?

The 5 Stages of Slappy Fan Grief

  1.  Denial and Isolation:  I’m going to put Penn State here.  Yes, they are undefeated.  But its been UGLY.   Disappointment and anger will follow…Add UCLA to this list.
  2. ANGER:  Sorry USC Fans, Va-Tech fans can also step aside, not to mention Georgia Dawgs…The MMQ and the Michigan Faithful that had to witness that 2nd Quarter debacle in Ann Arbor on Saturday own this one.  You can have s spot here next week….
  3. Bargaining:  I’m sure there’s some Dawg fans here thinking that they’re not out of the SEC East race just yet, but it doesn’t look good for the National Title…even though they still believe there’s a chance…
  4. Depression:  Michigan fans…and probably some Va-Tech Hokies…Oh, and Iowa.  Can’t forget Iowa. 
  5. Acceptance: Perdon’t, Iowa, Northwestern, and Tennessee….

The MMQ’s Top 10

Definitely a couple of stunners over the weekend.  And one impacting the top 4:

  1.  FSU- this probably won’t change much until the Louisville game…
  2. Oregon – Mariota for Heismann…Just cause…
  3. Texas A&M – is the team with the lowest percentage to hang in the top 4
  4. Satan’s Warriors – I don’t believe they will be here at the end, but for now, I’ve got to put an SEC team in here…
  5. Oklahoma – cruised over the Cremesicles…
  6. Baylor – It’ll be one of these two coming out of the BigXI
  7. UCLA – It’s been ugly…I’m not sure how good the Pac12 is now..
  8. Sparty – we have to keep them in the Top 10 or there’s no shot at the FF.
  9. Auburn
  10. LSU – Back in because of attrition…
  11. This hurts…domers…
Idle Thoughts From Saturday

-So, Maryland loses…
-Another black eye on the B1G.
-Going to be a chilly one in the Big House.
-Weird temperature swings.
-Tailgate felt hot.
-Stadium is 15 degrees cooler…
-I hate screwy fall weather. 
-Be warm or cold
-One or the other.
-Here we go.  Miami should be easier than App State.
-At least, I think they should be easier.
-What are we doing on offense?
-Defense playing well. 
-No yards in 1st quarter for Miami…none to speak of, anyway.
-Michigan needs to learn how to score.
-Stop turning the ball over!!!
-Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy…
-Okay, up 7 with 3 and change on the 50. 
-Let’s drive this down and punch it in.
-Mo-mo at half-time is a good thing.
-What are they doing?
-This is pathetic…
-Are you kidding me?  We are trying to FAKE MIAMI into jumping offsides?
-Brady Hoke…needs to be fired.
-I’ve been blind too long…not anymore.
-I hate where this has to go before it can get better.
-I’m getting too old to go through it all over again..

The Hot Seat

The last Hot Seat Poll was pre-maturely pulled (accidentally) by the MMQ but Emily was the only Mascot who received any votes.  So, by default, she’s in the finals….This week’s beauty is just that:  A Beauty from Sports Illustrated swimsuit fame with rather large…er…Tracks of Land, Genevieve Morton!

Hot Seat Rank
  1. Will Muschamp:  You must DESTROY KENTUCKY…not just beat them
  2. Brady Hoke:  He will be in the 1 spot when he loses to Sparty….
  3. Hazell:  At least Purdue scored against the domers….
  4. Beckman:  He’s got problems….
  5. Charlie Weis:  Why are they keeping Wuzzles around?  Just cause? 
  6. Pelini:  Just beating McNeese State makes for a hard week…
  7. Norm Chow:  Hawaii.  The Rainbows haven’t mattered in a while.and that’s a fan base that cares.
  8. Mike London:  Needs wins…
  9. Sonny Dykes:  California was pretty good for a while….Wha’ happened?
  10. Brett Bielema:  Got a nice one in Lubbock…


UCLA (-7.5) @ Texas:  Take UCLA and lay the 7.5 for $30
USC @ BC (+17.5):  Take BC and the 17.5 for $30
WIN!  Bank $57 and why didn’t I bet more?
Syracuse @ Central (+7):  Take the Chips and the 7 for $40
LOST….Why did I bet so MUCH?
Louisville (-7) @ Virginia:  Take Louisville and lay the 7 for $20
LOSE…This is not going well…
Wyoming @ the Ducks (-43):  Take the Ducks and lay the 43 for $30
LOSE…Oh Jeez…what have I done?  I need to slap myself again…
PSU @ Rutgers (+3): Take Rutgers and the 3 for $20.
LOSE…See where this is going?  If I take points next week, I will get killed
Tennessee (+21) @ Oklahoma:  Take Cremesicles and the 21 for $20
LOSE…OMG!!!  This is BAD….
Miami (not that one) @ Michigan (-31):  Take Michigan and lay the points for $30
LOSE….Fire Hoke
PARLAY!!!  3-way pays 6 to 1. 
Take Central – BC – Ducks for $20 - LOSE

Starting Bank:         $778
Total Win:                 $57

Bank:                         $823

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