Monday, September 22, 2014

Ute'd....Where to From Here?

Have I mentioned that I miss Bill Martin and Rich Rod?

Do you think Rich Rod and Al Borges are laughing their asses off right now?
Can anyone remember the last two “Big Games” where Michigan couldn’t score an offensive TD?  Much less get into the Red Zone?

And finally….Where to From Here?

I hate it when Michigan Football is reduced to “Spoiler” status before we’ve even thought about flipping the calendar to October.  Granted, I had stated in the pre-season spectacular that seeing Utah on the schedule made me nervous.  They are, as game day put it, “Brilliantly coached by one of the most innovative and dangerous minds in the game today.”  Why is it that Michigan is always playing an “innovative and dangerous mind” and seems to be coached by a baboon that won’t admit to not having a clue?  Why do I refer to Brady Hoke in this fashion?  Because of the Punt for a TD on Saturday….

In case you missed it on, there was a question by mgoblog to Hoke during his weekly presser regarding the spread punt.  Here’s the link.  If you don’t want to read the article, a summary:  Spread punting more or less puts more “Gunners” on the field, 4 to be exact, and college rules allow this.  As a result, NCAA PUNT RETURN YARDAGE HAS DROPPED DRAMATICALLY over the last three to four seasons and the punt return for a TD has been all but eliminated. asked Hoke why Michigan hadn’t gone to the 4-Gunner spread punt, based on the data.  Hoke’s response, “What’s a spread-punt?”  Again – The screams inside my head are very loud and I truly hope they stay there…you know, in my head.  And for his sake, Hoke and the special teams unit better figure it out quickly and adopt the formation sooner rather than later…

So, an MMQ prediction came true on Saturday and Michigan lost.  Yes, the B1G is still out there, but if anyone who has been watching this team still believes in that fantasy, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn, NY, I’d like to sell you.  This team is further away this season than they were last season, even though they’re moving the ball between the 20’s.  Once again, Michigan “Out-Statted” it’s opponent.  More total yards.  But MORE Turnovers and NO SCORES…. IF you can’t score, you’ve got problems.

And I now believe, but hate to admit, that Gardener is a big part of the problem.   His turnovers were awful…I mean, they were gut-wrenchlingly awful….And yes, I would call that “Crapping the Bed” awful that I alluded to last week.  I just didn’t think it would happen so soon.  Therefore:  Enter Morris.  I really don’t think Hoke has a choice at this point but to at least demonstrate that he’s willing to try something else…Anything else to rectify the offensive woes that plague this team.  But Morris isn’t going to immediately fix the odorous pile of excrement that is Michigan Football on offense.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see Speight get a rep or two against Minnesota this weekend, either. 

IS Hoke to blame at this point?  He took action and fired Borges and brought in Nuss.  So, he knew he had issues on offense.  How long do you give people before you pull the trigger?  I guess I give Hoke all the time he needs until the next loss that isn’t Sparty.  In other words, every game from here to Sparty is a “Must Win” for Hoke if he has any chance of surviving the season.  Gophers, Scarlet Knights, and yes, Penn State is even a must win at this point.  Sparty is going to be an ass whoopin' of the worst kind and I don’t want to think about that yet.  Brandone, behind his verbal “outward support” of Hoke should be thinking about replacements. 

The MMQ already is.  Upon a whole bunch of reflection on Sunday and realizing that not dealing with the issue may be a bigger deal from an AD perspective, I have to believe that Brandone has to be putting together a list…or at least dusting off the old one from the Rich Rod Fiasco….I reviewed my list along with some lessons learned:

  1. Be decisive.  If you’re going to can the coach, do it quickly and get the new guy in so as not to lose recruits.  Screw the $3M buy-out…You’re losing fans at a much higher rate than that…
  2. Firing mid-season accomplishes nothing, but in the case of recruits doubting whether or not a head coach can make it after the season, sometimes it’s wise to just do it.
  3. HAVE A FRIGGIN’ IDEA of who you’re going to go after and then do it.
So, instead of re-hashing a game that was over in the 3rd quarter, I’m dusting off my list of potentials and starting a “Watch List” for future candidates.  Maybe Brandone reads the MMQ during or after lunch on Mondays….This will give him a head start.

Cam Cameron (Odds:  75-1):  LSU is in a rebuilding year, but the offense made a huge comeback on Saturday against MSU….Cam’s been a guy the MMQ has been watching for quite a while and I believe would make a decent coach at Michigan, even though he didn’t fare that well as a head coach at Miami at the NFL level…He was considered a brilliant offensive mind at the NFL level and is a young 53.  But is he the “Coach in Waiting” at LSU?

Scott Schafer (Odds:  150-1):  Before you rip my head off for suggesting that we bring back one of the worst defensive coordinators to ever wear the Maize and Blue, please consider that Coach Schafer was being asked to run a defense without much in the way of personnel in a scheme (the dreaded 3-3-5) that he had never coached before.  He’s done a pretty good job at Syracuse and I can’t help but wonder if Brandone hasn’t been paying attention and thinking to himself that he let Rich Rod fire a pretty good guy and perhaps better coach….

Jim Harbaugh (Odds:  200-1):  I now I said he’d never be the Head Coach of the Maize and Blue….But you never say never in this business.  And those odds are falling with each game that San-Fran loses.  And they’ve lost two in a row by failing to score in the 2nd half.  At 1-2, the Niners are by no means out of the NFC play-off picture or anything, but it’s the way they’re losing and Jimmy’s relationship with the front office that make this an interesting watch.

Kevin Wilson (Odds:  300-1):  I really liked this hire by Indiana when they made it.  He’s coached with some of the best and he’s turning it around in Bloomington.  Yes, Michigan would be poaching from one of its own in-conference, but I could easily get over that if this were to somehow happen…

Kyle Whittingahm (Odds:  500-1):  The Brilliant Mind coach that just beat you…I mean, why not?  I’d at least talk to him…

Greg Schiano (Odds:  ????-1):  Bill Martin interviewed the Big East coach of the month as part of his search.  Schiano went to the NFL and didn’t fare well at Tampa Bay…Seeing as how Schiano is in a TV studio somewhere, he’s probably available and looking for an opportunity.  And Rutgers doesn’t want him back, so who knows…

It’s a short list for the time being.  But these are definitely guys I would be making phone calls to people and trying to learn more about each individual.

The Rest of the Mess

Huh…If I’m not mistaken…The B1G fared pretty well on Saturday.  Iowa won on the road….Indiana went on the road and knocked off a top 20 team…Nebraska took care of business against Miami (the good one) but not before a bunch of their fans got arrested for throwing beer cans at a tour busand trying to flip it over…Northwestern chalked up its first win…Purdue won…So, if I’m doing the MATH RIGHT, Michigan was the only team to lose in the entire B1G…Well That’s Fantastic and makes for a wonderful Monday….

Satan’s Warriors pretty much destroyed Gatorland and sealed the fate of Muschamp.  Right now, it’s a tie for the 1 spot on the Hot Seat between Hoke and Muschamp with the latter holding an ever so slight edge…Why?  ‘Cause it’s the SEC…That’s why…

Don’t worry about the Quack Attack only beating WSU by a TD late…They were on the road and Leach has proven he can coach a Big Game against a big opponent more often than once.  Survive and move on.  The Ducks are fine and still in my top 4…

The Laters also went on the road to Morgantown which can be an impossible place to win.  But win they did and I’m still keeping them in the top 4….

The Winston-less ‘Noles hung on to beat Clemson in a game that Clemson should have won…Dabo Swinney might be sitting on the hot seat today as he continues to lose big games and can’t seem to get over the hump….

Miss State really blew out LSU, but the Tigers again made a late comeback similar to what they did to Wiscy earlier in the season.  But they couldn’t close the deal.  Again, watch Cam Cameron on this team…

The 5 Stages of Slappy Fan Grief

  1.  Denial and Isolation:  Mizzou Fan has this one….They are trying to figure out how they lost to a B1G team and are grasping to the hope that they can run the SEC East Table and win the SEC Championship….
  2. ANGER:  Gatorland…This wasn’t supposed to happen this year with everyone healthy.  But Michigan’s Mirror in the SEC has a Coach and a QB problem.  Driscoll simply doesn’t perform on Saturday and that’s a problem….
  3. Bargaining:  Sparty destroying EMU for style points proving the B1G deserves one of the 4 seats…Sorry, Sparty.  I think the committee is onto you…
  4. Depression:  Michigan fans…September B1G Spoilers at 2-2.  Even if they could run the table from here…That would depress me more…
  5. Acceptance: Perdon’t, Iowa, Northwestern, Michigan, and Tennessee….

The MMQ’s Top 10

Definitely a couple of stunners over the weekend.  And one impacting the top 4:

  1. Texas A&M – is the team with the lowest percentage to hang in the top 4
  2. FSU- this probably won’t change much until the Louisville game…
  3. Oregon – Mariota for Heismann…Just cause…
  4. Oklahoma – cruised over the Cremesicles…
  5. Satan’s Warriors – I don’t believe they will be here at the end, but for now, I’ve got to put an SEC team in here…
  6. Sparty – we have to keep them in the Top 10 or there’s no shot at the FF.
  7. Baylor – It’ll be one of these two coming out of the BigXI
  8. UCLA – It’s been ugly…I’m not sure how good the Pac12 is now..
  9. Auburn
  10. This hurts…domers… 
Idle Thoughts From Saturday

-I don’t like spreads that move this much…
-Vegas knows something…
-Weather not looking good.
-But is that Good for Michigan?
-IF the ground game is going, yeah…
-Moving up and down the field…just can’t score.
-Stop turning the ball over!
-Defense scores…That’s always a plus.
-But offense has to do something…
-Enter Morris…
-And another turnover…
-Can’t blame the Defense….Too much
-What’s with Hoke and Mattison?
-At least Hoke is showing some emotion..
-Too much too little too late?
-Mattison for head coach?
-Hmmm…Too old.
-Nuss is too new….
-But something has to happen.
-This is not a Michigan Team…
-This is still an aberration…..
-An embarrassment…
-A crap-storm of problems with no solutions in sight…
-Hoke needs to win from now till Sparty…
-And probably win all the rest after Sparty to ohio….
-If he wants to survive…

The Hot Seat

Genevieve Morton literally walked away with the voting last week and you can bet that the MMQ will be spending a lot more time looking for Hot Seat Mascot’s as that will be a helluva lot more interesting than following Michigan Football.  This week’s mascot:  Hannah Furgeson!

Hot Seat Rank
  1. Will Muschamp:  Was not competitive against Bama…
    1. Brady Hoke – It’s probably going to happen…Sad…
  2. Charlie Weis:  Why are they keeping Wuzzles around?  Just cause? 
  3. Hazell:  At least Purdue scored against the domers….
  4. Beckman:  He’s got problems….
  5. Norm Chow:  Hawaii.  The Rainbows haven’t mattered in a while.and that’s a fan base that cares.
  6. Mike London:  Needs wins…
  7. Sonny Dykes:  California was pretty good for a while….Wha’ happened?

Well, opposite week was a great idea except for a couple of the games.  The FMQ needs a new strategy….maybe not betting Michigan would help, also.  I’ve only gotten them right once this season.

Iowa @ Pitt (-7):  Take Iowa and the 7 for $30
WIN!!  Bank $57
Miami (not Ohio) @ Nebraska (-7):  Take Nebraska and lay the 7 for $20
WIN!!  Bank $38
Clemson (+21) @ FSU:  Take Clemson and the 21 for $30
WIN!!! Bank $57
Gatorland @ Satan’s WarriorsTake Satan’s Warriors and lay the 14 for $40
WIN!!! Bank $76
Laters @ Mounaineers (+7):  Take the Laters and lay the 7 for $20
WIN!!! Bank $38
Sparty (-45) vs. Hurons:  Take the Hurons and the 45 for $20
Yoots @ Michigan (-3.5):  Take Michigan and lay the 3.5 for $40
LOSE…..Fire Hoke….
Starting Bank:           $623
Total Win:                  $266

Bank:                          $889

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