Monday, September 16, 2013

Total, Complete, Humiliating, Unmitigated Disaster....Averted

Well, everyone who is and isn’t a Michigan Fan knows what happened in Ann Arbor on Saturday.  The Question should be:  What exactly DID happen?

I’ve gone back and looked at the Akron stats from the first two games that they played.  Akron got killed in the first game against UCF.  It wasn’t even close.  Then they eked past a weak James Madison team and barely beat them.  There is really no logical explanation for what happened Saturday accept for this:

Michigan ASSUMED they would roll and the Zips had other ideas.  I give a lot of credit to the coaching staff (Bowden) of Akron and what they were able to accomplish and take advantage of.  I also take that same amount of credit away from the coaching staff of Michigan and certain players that are wearing the Maize and Blue.  I’m not saying that Akron didn’t do a great job….but I’m not sure Akron is that close had they played Michigan a week before under the lights.

Which brings the ole’ MMQ back to a topic that I have brought up a million times in the past….Ever since the original “Horror”.  I’ll repeat it here again just in case someone is listening:  There is absolutely nothing to be gained by playing an inferior opponent.  You only have everything to lose….and the inferior opponent gets to take that “Rocky” round house swing and hopefully connect on your chin when you’re not looking.   That’s what you’re setting yourself up for every time you play one of these teams.  I would much rather that Michigan played the domers, a PAC12 School and an SEC or Big 12 school for their 3 non-conference games vs. the MAC or anyone else. 

 ut, that’s never going to happen and our coaching staff needs to do a better job of pumping these guys up, even after a big game like the domers and figure out how to keep them moving forward.

After glancing at what I wrote here in the last 5 minutes, I realize I sound like “Every Fan” that you hear on the radio and TV.  I didn’t solve any mysteries or answer any questions.  I guess at the end of the day, all you can do is say, “OK…They won.  2 months from now, IF they keep winning, none of this will matter.”

However, if I had not just purchased a new TV, I would have been shopping for one today after that pick six that Devin threw……There was something close by that would have been flying at the old set….

And the defense finally blitzed on the last play of the last drive which prevented the touchdown…And I walked away.

 I’m never sure how to feel after games like this, but something after watching that game inspired me to start a new segment in the Monday Morning Report vs. recapping the games in the Rest of the Mess.  Not saying the Rest of the Mess is gone…Just trying something different.   Something that fan bases go through that’s very similar to the 5 Stages of Grief.  Something that, if you read this blog, just maybe you will see something in yourself to help you realize that, well, you’re not alone out there.

 5 Stages of Slappy Fan Grief

  1.  Denial and Isolation – Teams that have fan bases that are in the Denial and Isolation Stage of Grief:  Michigan, Sparty, ohio, USC Cocks, A&M.  These are teams that are still undefeated or with 1 loss to a really good team and they know they have a problem, but are denying it on their blogs and fan base discussions.  They are dismissing the fact that they don’t have a defense or an offense or there have some other glaring hole that everyone else can see but they are saying, “Hey, if we stick together, we can fix this problem.  No big deal!  We’re still undefeated or sitting with one loss to a really good team!”  But eventually, that Achilles Heel flaw will get you when you least expect it.  Spary’s offense, Michigan’s QB, ohio’s defense and South Carolina’s general state of affairs immediately come to mind as team’s that have issues that the fan bases simply want to deny or stick their collective heads in the sand over and reject that they exist…Until….
  2. ANGER – Anger is what happens when you lose that first game that you weren’t supposed to lose.  And you lose it in a way that should NEVER happen and it leaves you swearing out loud at no one in particular.  You are throwing objects, blaming homer announcers and simply flying off the handle, losing control.   IF YOU DIDN’T SEE what happened in the Wiscy-ASU game, allow me to recap. Trailing by two, the Badgers quickly moved down the field, reaching the Sun Devils' 13 with 18 seconds left.  Hoping to set up kicker Kyle French in the middle of the field for a potential game-winning field goal, Wisconsin called for a Stave run left from the right hash mark and take a knee. But as Stave went to kneel, he was clipped by one of his lineman and went down a bit awkwardly as he emphatically placed the ball on the 15-yard line. Stave hopped up quickly and players from both teams stood around for a few seconds, trying to figure out what happened. Stave checked with the referee to make sure the play was dead, but Arizona State's players piled on the ball, thinking it was a fumble. Realizing the clock was still running, the Badgers tried to line up with 2 seconds left to spike the ball, but couldn't get a play off in time. No kick, Game Over.  This is where if I was a Cheesehead, I would have been going ABSOLUTELY INSANE with rage over whatever that coaching staff was thinking.  ANGER has set in on the Cheesehead fan base.  Other teams with fan bases in the Anger phase that are sitting with one (or more) losses and some that are undefeated  that believe their anger will somehow be recognized and heard by the administration:  USC Rubbers, some of the domers, some Sparties, Gatorland, Georgia, Cornsuckers,  ….and it’s not going to let up if they lose another game which then leads to
  3. Bargaining – This phase is when you realize that your team just isn’t that good and you figure that if you can win 6….JUST 6 games and make a bowl, or beat your arch rival, your season will somehow be successful as you will get the extra bowl practices (that your team desperately needs!) and you can somehow put some momentum together for the following season.  There are teams that, believe it or not, are already in the bargaining phase.  Yes, it’s tough to believe that even before conference play has started that you can have fan bases in this phase, but they exist.   West Virginia, Purdue and the Cremesicles immediately come to mind.  “Yeah, we’ve lost games we were SUPPOSED to lose…but if we can just win the games we’re SUPPOSED to win, everything will be okay this season….”  Sound familiar?  Bargaining can go either way, but if the team doesn’t produce…it’s a fast, slippery slope down into
  4. Depression – This is that cold dark place of despair in slappy fan’s mind where you don’t want to look anyone in the eye at work or talk to anyone about college football simply because if you have to talk about it, you’re too afraid of what might come out of your mouth.  It could be pure venom or a complete betrayal of your team by stating, “That’s not the school I ROOT FOR!  That’s not my alma mater that’s doing that!”  Depression is deep, dark and nasty.  I’m not entirely sure there’s any fan base that has reached depression yet – but most if not all fans know that it’s out there lurking, waiting, like a cold, remorseless predator…And that only sets in once you realize that your team isn’t going bowling or you’ve fired a coach….The only schools that immediately comes to mind with a fan base that might be reaching the depression phase would be the Yellow and Black Children of the Corn….And PSU – but for other reasons.  Depression can linger for a long time…It can be never ending for a lot of Slappy Fans…And this is where they stay.
  5. AcceptanceReaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone, least of all slappy fan. You have to be a mature fan to get here.  You need to have a great support group (family, friends, etc.) or write a blog and let it all out….This is where you realize that your team just sucks.  And they not only suck, but they are the suckiest of all sucks that suck whatever…Yes, you’re now completely off the bandwagon and have donned the colors of a secondary school simply to avoid any discussion about the issue altogether, albeit you will discuss with like-minded fans at special meetings or in the basement and you will come to conclusions that its either the kids playing or coaching or both.  And you will be right.  But what difference does it make?  The season is over and you are relegated to collegiate spectator, watching the other rabid fans cheer their teams on to victory.  Once proud USF, Syracuse, and UConn come to mind as they are all 0-3 and wondering what happened to their once proud programs.  UConn could get some redemption by taking a page from the Akron book and playing Michigan tough this week….but I doubt it….
Texas – All of the above.  They really need their own separate category at this point.  There are fans in denial, there’s angry fans, fans that hate the players, fans that hate Mack Brown, fans that hate Deloss Dodds (because he can’t and won’t fire Mack Brown) and everything that’s dysfunctional about a program or an athletic department is happening in Austin on the 40 Acres right now.  There won’t be total acceptance by the fan base until there is a change….any change….more than just firing the D-Coordinator…

Idle Thoughts From Saturday

-Not this….Not this again….
-Why?  What the hell is GARDENER DOING!????!!!!!????
-Take 98 away from him now….
-Which, I’m starting to think that I’m not completely sold on. 
-You know, the legends thing…
-For one game, it’s fine.
-And you can move it around among the players.
-But Gardner seems to be folding under the starting pressure and living up to that number.
-Yeah, he was great against the domers.
-But what the H!#$!#lll happened Saturday?
-Why did he keep short-arming his throws?
-I can’t put it all on him…
-He wasn’t getting a lot of time.
-The O-Line looked like they were taking a day off…
-Akron came to play…
-Michigan escaped…
-Get better Jerry Kill
-And take double your meds on Game Day….
-Johnny Football lights them up early.
-But A&M has a defense problem.
-Or maybe Bama’s offense has started to find itself…
-Whichever, it was almost a fantastic ending…
-So, who beats Bama?
-I believe there will be someone that gives them a scare…
-But beating them?  Maybe Ole Miss?
-It has to happen sooner or later….
-Okie State scandal is much ado about nothing…in my mind.
-Bama scandal, Not so much….
-Too much evidence and a lot of paper trails…
-Satan may eventually have to answer for something…
-But it is a “Compliance” issue, I guess.
-There’s no way Satan’s head will roll or anything like that…
-Until he loses again to Auburn.
-domers struggled with Purdue. 
-Until that pick, game was closer than anyone thought it would be…
-Is the Michigan-domer game just TOO BIG?
-Do they really fall that far emotionally that early in the season now?
-Or do they simply read and see their own press too much?
-Methinks it’s more of the latter…
-What is Wiscy DOING????!!!!??
-Idiots….I’m mad as a B1G fan at those clowns…
-I can only imagine what the Wiscy Fan Base is going through…

The Hot Seat

Well, the MMQ fans have spoken and Blair O’Neal did not get the weekly nod as the Week #2 Hot Seat Mascot!  Amanda carried over and so far, she is holding serve as the only Hot Seat Mascot that is currently in the finals.  I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, either.  I could handle looking at Amanda’s photo on a regular basis….

This week, I was inspired by SI as I was cruising their site and saw a couple of potential Hot Seat Mascots when I accidentally clicked on the swimsuit section.  I swear it was an accident!  Without further ado, Hot Seat Mascot Week #3 nominee:  Jessica Perez!





Poor Mack Brown…Does anything save him now?

Hot Seat Rank

  1. Mack Brown:  So, Who does Mack Fire this week?  IS Deloss Dodds bacon cooked as well?
  2. Lane Kiffin:  Losing to Wazoo just might be a fire-able offense at USC..
  3. Ferentz:  Squeezing by ISU doesn’t move you down the list…
  4. Pelini:  This is going to get a lot worse when the cornsuckers lose their next game…
  5. Brian Kelly:  Wait…You didn’t roll Purdue over by 50?  FIRE KELLY!  With all of our athletic talent….he should easily win over these guys
  6. Weiss:  Why not?  
  7. Hoke….Losing that close to Akron puts you on the list for a week…
FMQ Betting Results:

I swear I will never bet Michigan as more than a 3 TD spread ever again…I will never bet Michigan as more than a 3 TD spread ever again.  I will never bet Michigan as more than a 3 TD spread ever again.  There.
I hope that solves that problem.  And I need to work on a few others or we’re going to start going the wrong way!  However, plus $50 or so on the week isn’t a terrible thing, either.
Washington @ the Illini (+9.5):  Take Illinois and the points for $35 –
LOSE – Illini let me down…..
Youngstown State @ Sparty (-27):  Take Youngstown and the 27 for $25
LOSE….Damn Sparty and finding an offense this week…

Louisville (-13) @ Kentucky:  Take Louisville and lay the 13 for $75
WIN!  Bank $142.50  Charlie Strong covers…Whew…

Tennessee @ the Quack Attack (-27.5):  Take the Ducks and lay the 27.5 for $75
WIN!  Bank $142.50  The Ducks may be the betting favorite of the FMQ this season like Stanford was two years ago…

Ohio (-16) @ Cal:  Take ohio and lay the 16 for $40
WIN!  Bank $76   Urban covers and the offense looks good doing it…

Game of the Century XXXIII (or whatever) A&M(+9): Take Texas A&M and the 9 for $40
WIN!  But I would have preferred the outright upset!  Bank $76 

Akron @ Michigan (-37.5):  Take Michigan and lay the 37.5 for $75
LOSE….And I will never Bet Michigan again when they are more than a 3TD spread…EVER!

Oregon – Michigan-Louisville for $30 - LOSE

Starting BANK:         $831
TOTAL WIN:              $437
BANK:                        $1298

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