Monday, October 14, 2013

Disaster...Realized - PsU'd: What a Stinker....

I wasn’t even sure I would be in any type of reasonably sane, emotional sense to pen today’s column due to the fact that while I thought I was “over” Michigan’s loss to the Blue Kitty’s, we all had to live through another horrible exhibition of coaching in the Tiger’s loss to Boston last night…And while I thought Michigan’s loss was the worst thing I could have possibly seen over the weekend where BAD COACHING PLAYED A HUGE ROLE.…Now, I’m not so sure…

 But I digress.

On Saturday night, the emotions were running on the Roller Coaster that I referred to earlier in the season and Michigan just threw everyone right off the track on the highest hill on the ride….meaning:  Michigan fans are now in a free fall and it’s really gonna hurt bad when we land….You know what?  I can’t do this in open form and I think I will dedicate a special

5 Stages of Michigan Slappy Fan Grief – Just for Michigan Fans

  1.  Denial and Isolation – I would suggest that we have multiple fans in multiple stages of grief at this point.  I’m certainly in this one as I simply cannot entirely fault the players for the “loss” of the game and I'm in denial that the players are that bad, but I can fault some of the early offensive play and lack of execution on them.  However, those same players, Gardener and Funchess for example, when given the opportunity to go vertical, got Michigan right back in it in the 2nd half…And when that confidence was back (and everyone could feel it) did the coaches roll with it late in the game when the lack of depth on PsU would have made the most difference?  NOOOOOOO……Which also puts the MMQ in the
  2. ANGER  - category.  I’m so angry with the head coaching staff and the offensive coordinator at this point that I can’t even begin to express it.  What happened to Coach “Diamond Jim Brady” Hoke that went for it when he was down in UTL “1” with 8 seconds left when me and 109,000 other fans in that stadium figured “Kick the Figgie and go to OT.”  THAT coach went for the kill against the domers with 8 seconds left….If you would have bet me a $1,000 that Mike DeBord (former OC under Carr) was making the offensive calls late in the PsU game I would not have been able to take the bet.  HOW MANY RUNS ON FIRST DOWN DID MICHIGAN CALL THROUGHOUT THE GAME?   How many times did PsU have that call COVERED on defense…Does Gardner not have the ability to audible?  Why not?  He has to see that the call is not going to work….Then, in the 4th quarter….Michigan has the game under control and 1 score…1 STINKING SCORE – Field Goal or TD with a minute left – puts the game completely out of the question.  However, the call and execution of the punt is so horrible that they don’t pin PsU deep…And the Punt only nets 15 yards…Hell, I would have even taken a Field Goal attempt at that point (I believe it would have been 52 yards?) and at least warmed Gibbons up a little if he missed that one.  I would have even taken a shot at the end zone with Gardener and Funchess on 4th down and not been unhappy….I HATE GIVING THE BALL TO ANY OFFENSE these days with time on the clock at the end of the game.  I would much rather control the team’s destiny on offense.  That’s where the game was initially lost…the end of regulation.  A Field Goal Attempt or a 4th down stab at the end zone…What happened to the balls on our Coaching Staff?  In fact, they’ve lost the moniker’s “Head Coach” and “Offensive

    Coordinator”.   From now on, for no other reason than their incredible likeness to these two cartoon characters, they are simply “Fred and Barney”.  Then, add the conservative debacles and blown opportunities in OT (Which I’m not going to rehash here – we all saw it and re-living it again will only make Monday that much worse) and I’m convinced that Fred and Barney are doing more to mentally damage this team than they are with respect to creating a gun slinging swagger and “You can do it” attitude.  All of that above in an appropriate, short cliche:  When you play not to lose…that’s exactly what happens…I can only hope that Fred and Barney are paying attention.. 
  3. Bargaining – Okay – A big part of the MMQ Is in this phase.  And I can explain why.  I let any thoughts of a BCS National Championship go a long time ago…even though I don’t put that out there publicly.  It's out there now....However, I DID want this to be the debut year of Michigan in Indianapolis.  After all, a loyal reader of the MMQ now resides in Indy and there would be a free place to bunk!  All joking aside…it does seem like it’s been awhile since Michigan has been in the B1G Title discussion.  That being said, IF Michigan can SOMEHOW win the B1G at this point (That’s an extra large IF), there’s an off-chance that somehow Michigan actually wins the B1G Championship and would face either Stanford (more likely and easier to swallow) or, God forbid:  GULP! Oregon...  That thought scares the bejesus out of the ole MMQ.  So, I’m in the middle of my bargaining phase of what bowl Michigan could win against which opponent…and right now, the chances in the Rose would be less than 50-50 agains Stanford and much worse given the other potential opponent.
  4. Depression – All THAT being said…I really hate the fact that with a couple of gutsy play calls and execution…Michigan would be 6-0.  And while that wouldn’t be a formidable 6-0, it’s still 6-0.  Now, well….The loss is out there to a team Michigan had no business losing to…The pain is real and I can’t ignore that.  But I’m really glad I’m not Gibbons.  That poor kid was sent one too many times to the line with the weight of the season hanging in the balance…Again, coaches should have recognized the pressure and considered that in the OT game plan after the 2nd MISS…but noooo….his pain now is hopefully, in a weird way their pain and I hope everyone is learning…
  5. AcceptanceAnd the Ole MMQ is also down here…Early on I accepted that there was going to be a big adjustment/drop-off and losing D-Rob is showing us that Michigan has still not completely adjusted to whatever this thing is that they are calling an offense.  And Jake Ryan has left a hole on the other side as well.  I’ve also accepted the fact that Fred, for whatever reason, hasn’t figured out that you need to play a little looser on the road and make things happen.  And definitely take advantage of momo when it’s in your favor….
So, that’s where the Michigan Fan Base is at…At least that’s where the MMQ is residing…what about the rest of the collectives?

5 Stages of Slappy Fan Grief

  1.  Denial and Isolation –Stanford has probably 40% of its fan-base right here.  Having picked the Cardinal in the final game, I’m also in this area as the Pac12 is a tough conference this year and I don’t think that the champion comes out of that conference without a loss.  However, that being said, it WON’T be Stanford if they have another performance that looks anything like what they did in Utah.  They need to get their act together and figure out how to win out prior to the Championship game.  There’s probably some Husky fans (of the Washington variety) up here still as well having just played the 2 toughest teams in their conference and believing they can win out the rest of the schedule.  Sparty is in denial and wishing they had the domer game back OH SO BAD….They must now actually believe after watching their arch nemesis go down that the B1G Leaders division is theirs to lose….All they have to do is win. 
  2. ANGER  - Oh…there’s so many fans that are entering this stage throughout college football that it’s almost too difficult to name them all…but let’s try:  Gatorland, Cardinal, Bulldawgs, Arkansas, Northwestern, Wiscy (even though they won – They’re still ticked about the Arizona State thing), the 4 teams from the SEC NOT in the top 25 poll…which is complete BS by the way.   The Sooners have arrived here BIG TIME with the blow out loss to Texas and it would appear that Mack Brown will survive at least another week until he loses again…But Texas fan is still way down this list….Both Kansas team fan bases are also fit to be tied as they are sitting without a Big 12 victory at this point….
  3. Bargaining – I think if you are a smart Georgia fan, a lot of you fall right here.  What looked to be an incredibly promising season with everyone returning for a senior year and having lost to a Great Bama team that was better than this year’s version…well, let’s just say expectations were high.  Now?  Wow…the injury bug has depleted their offense and they must be thinking, “Can we win the SEC East?”  That’s a tall order, but not undoable at this point.  Gatorland is down here as well and figuring a title appearance (with a loss) to whoever comes out of the SEC West would salvage the season….
  4. Depression – Just Because:  Michigan Fan is here.  Add to that Georgia slappys with their hopes of a National Title all but gone and Stanford probably is well represented, too. 
  5. AcceptanceAnyone that is trying to figure out how to become bowl eligible at this point:  Minnesota, Purdue, multiple others…. 
Idle Thoughts From Saturday
-Sparty Indiana are dueling it out…
-What a difference a half makes.  Sparty has found an offense..
-But they gave up 28 to Indiana….
-I don’t know how to read that since they’re up next for Michigan.
-Even though Michigan has them home where Hoke hasn’t lost…
-And Michigan will probably be undefeated (BAD THOUGHT!)
-LSU is killing Gatorland…On DEFENSE!
-So, where was the LSU defense earlier this season?
-Or Gatorland is just really bad on offense…
-Is Muschamp on the Hot Seat?
-Nah…Too early for him.
-Next big SEC loss will have some scratching their heads.
-WOW – Look at Texas
-The Shorthorns have figured out that they have a defense and special teams…
-Those always help.
-Where did this 5:00 PM start time come from?
-Is that a PsU thing or ESPN thing?
-I guess there’s always kind of a gap between the 3:30 game and the 8:00 PM game and maybe that’s what they’re doing…filling the gap.
-Okay, here we go.
-Get on top of these guys and keep them down.
-Stop throwing it to the other team!
-Actually, everyone is seeing our bread and butter play on film (the out pass to the flat) and is jumping on it when Gardener hangs it out there….
-That’s called, “Bad Play calling”
-And execution….But don’t put the QB in that spot…
-Can we mix it up a little?
-PsU is obviously gearing up to stop the run..
-Can we go vertical here and keep them honest?
-Jeez….Down to PsU….Are you kidding me?
-All-right.  2nd Half…Here we go.
-Gardener to Funchess!  Let’s do that some more….PsU can’t hang with Funchess. 
-That’s OBVIOUS TO ME!  Why isn’t it obvious to the coaches?
-What are we doing here?
-8:24 – Can we please, PLEASE just score here?  PLEASE?
-8:30 – We’re PUNTING?!?!?!?  Why?????  Please not this…
-8:34 – Great…Let them throw down field..
-8:40  - OT on the road…There’s a stat for that somewhere…It’s not good for the visiting team…

Gibbons - Think of THIS!
-8:50 – YEAH!!!!  Nice fumble PsU!!!  Okay, now, try to score – please!  Gibbons is not having a good "toe" day or he’s thinking of blondes instead of brunettes…that will always screw you up…thinking of blondes, I mean.
-8:54 – Are you kidding me?  You’re not even going to try?  It’s 4th and INCHES….ARE YOU A MAN OR A MOUSE!??!?!?!?
-8:58 – Gibbons….I feel for you man. The rest of Wolverine Fandom hates you right now…But I get it.  You just don’t have it today.
-9:05 -  Okay, Now do something with this…
-9:09 – Gibbons makes this one…but I have a bad feeling about this…
-9:10 – We need to stop them here on 4th down.  This is the ball game…Actually, the game was 45 minutes ago at the end of regulation…
-9:12 – B.O'B just beat Diamond Jim Brady at his own game going for it on 4th down..
-9:16 – I’m spent…And somehow, I feel like they deserved it….

The Hot Seat

Brooklyn Decker easily held serve this week and frankly, as a guy that has a thing for blondes, I could easily see her making a strong run in the year’s final balloting.  And yes, there is currently a glitch in the polling system that is only allowing me to add 4 nominees on any poll.  Blogspot is reviewing the issue and is supposed to fix.  Hopefully, that gets resolved soon or I will need to come up with a creative way to add all the Hot Seat Mascots to the list.  This week, I have always liked the quirky rolls this actress seems to play and having seen Dodgeball again just recently (Second to the likes of King Pin, The Big Lebowski and of course Caddyshack) and finding it hard to turn off when it’s on, I figured, why not throw Christine Taylor out there and see what happens?

GONE LIST:  (It’s not the EARLIEST we’ve ever had a gone list….but it’s the earliest “in season” we’ve had a Gone List…)

  1.  LANE KIFFIN:  Did you see the interview?  That looks like a coach begging for a job….
  2. Paul Pasqualoni:  Probably done with coaching now.
  3. Treadwell – Miami (OH).  I’m sure he’s looking…but it’s gonna be tough
Hot Seat Rank

  1. Hazell:  I know it’s his first year…but Purdue is really, really bad…
  2. Weiss:  Why not?  This week…there’s another reason…..
  3. Snyder:  Look out…Grandpa Jokes are going to start flying….
  4. Holgorensen:  Moves down a little…but had better find a consistent offense
  5. STOOPS:  How do you lose to this guy right below you?
  6. Mack Brown:  Definitely falling fast and will be off the list if he keeps winning….
  7. Fire Richt Websites I’m sure will be all about it being on Richt to have back-ups ready to go…
  8. Mullens – Mississippi State…Still ofer….
  9. Brian Kelly:  Just cause…I know he didn’t play…just cause…
  10. Shaw:  I know he’s not going anywhere…but losing to Utah is going to make things a little warmmmm in tree city..
FMQ Betting Results:

Sigh….I wonder why I try to look at things like stats at all?  Technically, and we’ll get into that in a minute, a lot of my picks were correct and I had the appropriate amount of units on them based on the PF vs. PA , probability and location of games and revenge factors.   Not to mention the current streak and several games just defied logic…the beauty of college football….It’s unpredictable, that’s for sure.  A lousy $10 to the good…but, hey…I guess a win is still better than a loss.
Missouri (+11) @ Georgia:  This turned out to be the gimme of the day…I wish it was the only game I had bet….Take Mizzou and the 11 points for $40.

WIN!  Bank $76

Stanford (Opend:-3.5  FRIDAY:  -8) @ Utah:  Okay…So the WORLD figured Stanford could easily defeat Utah and the line moved 5 points as a result…I need to respect line movements more and go the other way every now and then…Take Stanford and lay the 8 for $40

Bama (-27) @ Kentucky:  Here’s a winner…Thank god….Take Bama and lay the 27.5 for $70
WIN!  Bank $133

Quack Attack (-13.5) @ Washington:  Here’s another sure thing…My two new favorite teams to bet might be the two that make the title game….Take the Ducks and lay the 14 for $60
WIN!  Bank $114

Nebraska (-24) @ Purdue:  Purdue is so bad…It’s sad in a way…Someone needs to take that program over and do what Tiller did…at least make them respectable…Take the Cornsuckers and lay the 24 for $30
WIN!  Bank $57

Oklahoma (-13.5) @ Texas: Gag….What a colossal gag on so many fronts…the year Stoops should destroy Texas…well, that’s what makes them rivalry games I guess….Nothing to lose on the Texas side Take the Sooners and lay the 14 for $40

Baylor (-17) @ K-State:  Baylor…You’re letting me down right when I needed you most…Take Baylor and lay the 17 for $40

Michigan (OPENED: -5  FRIDAY:  -2.5) @ PSU:  Crap….This game really sucked in more ways than one…Fred and Barney are not going to get another dime out of me….well, maybe….Take Michigan and lay the 2.5 for $50

Starting BANK:       $943.50
TOTAL WIN:            $380

BANK:                       $1,323.50

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