Bizarre Love Thanksgiving Week Triangle

First Story

Talk about a week of extremely weird news stories. Under the category that nothing good ever happens after midnight, we get the report on Sunday out of the Evil Empire of South Bend that young protégé Clausen got his eyes dotted outside a bar near campus at around closing time where he was attending with family and his girlfriend. This raises so many questions, I really don’t know where to begin:

1. What was a potential future NFL star doing in a bar closing the joint, even if he was with family?
2. Actually, especially if he was with family? What were they thinking?
3. What’s the deal with the girlfriend getting insulted?
4. Why did she “conveniently” forget her purse?
5. Why send Jimmy back after it if he already had “words” with some fellow that insulted the GF?
6. Can any good ever come from that?
7. Who is the perp?
8. Why isn’t he bragging it up on line somewhere?
9. Unless he was some Domer Sot that likes getting whiskeyed up and taking sucker punches at opposing fans and his own players…
10. MMQ was a victim of one such attack in South Bend after the only game I attended down there. Rabbit punch to the back of the neck that swung wide.
11. I only knew anything happened when the family of the drunk pulled him up off the ground while he continued to hurl insults at me after Michigan beat Holtz in his debut…
12. But I digress.
13. So, when are we going to hear the rest of this story? Ever?

Second Story:

The Mangino Chronicles – How in the world can Kansas – KANSAS – a basketball school decided to can a guy that has been the only individual in the modern era to take the J’s to 10 wins and an Orange Bowl win. That, by itself, should have got the coach not only a job for life, but they should wheel out his casket after he kicks and let him coach from the great beyond.

So, suddenly, Kansas is a powerhouse that deserves better in the Big 12 and has decided that it can do better than the guy they have. To that I say:
1. Ever seen Kansas?
2. Ever been to Lawrence, Kansas?
3. Ever wondered why ANYONE would live in the middle of a field?
4. There’s a rise on campus they call the “Hill”…It’s about 15 feet of elevation.
5. IF you can get kids to come to Kansas to play football, you, my friend, are a genius.
The kind of genius the Domer’s need…

Third Story

Normally, the MMQ sticks with football, but we simply have to comment on this. With his Alma Mater and J. Harbaugh defeating the Domers and how it might mysteriously might tie everything together. Yes, Tiger Woods went to Stanford, in case you didn’t know. And unless you were on a deserted island without AYNTHING, you obviously now know about Tiger’s accident, WHERE ALCOHOL WASN’T INVOLVED. So, let’s say we buy that, which, from all accounts, Tiger doesn’t drink, so okay..

Doesn’t gamble as far as we know– maybe some greenies or skins on the course….So, unless he has a Windemere late night cash poker game with some rich, affluent, Widemerites (sp?), what, exactly was he running out to get at 2:30 A.M. on the Friday after Turkey Day?

Diapers?

Nope…Depending on what you believe, and with the belief that everyone has a weakness, Tiger might have been, dare we even type this, going on a booty call? Chris Rock says that no matter how hot the chick, there’s some guy doing her that’s tired of putting up with her shit…

Two kids and Tiger ain’t the main man anymore…Isn’t it conceivable that he’s getting a little something on the side? Oh, MMQ, how can you suggest that the wholesome image of Tiger is going to be tarnished with such an act? Well, he was going somewhere with a purpose. Why else would he be out of control in his own driveway?

So, what’s it all mean? IT’S ALL CONNECTED!

HERE IT IS! You read it here first on this reputable site!

Mangino, a closet Notre Dame fan and wannabe head coach for the Domers, decides to visit South Bend after last week’s game and sees Jimmy and his GF in the bar and decides to try some Mangino love on her…Figures if she likes Clausen and has met and likes Charlie, well, there’s even more of him to love. MM makes the “Walrus Move” and Jimmy gets pissed. Mangino pops him one, figuring that with Jimmy gone, he’s got a even better shot at the Domer Top Spot when the Wuzzles loses to Stanford.….Jimmy’s girlfriend is upset, breaks up with Jimmy and sextexts Tiger Woods, looking to see what’s up. Tiger, upon reading that he could doink or do the backseat two step with the former GF of the QB on the OPPOSING TEAM in his Alma Mater’s final game, says, “Shit, man, I’ve GOT TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!”

YES LADIES AND GENTS! Leave it to your own MMQ to pull it all together and have it make complete sense!

Don’t think that’s the story…Well, maybe not…But whatever comes out can’t get any more bizarre than it already is, can it?

THE REST OF THE MESS
The New Theme of the Rest of the Mess:

“Schadenfreude” - A German term for "shameful joy", taking pleasure in the suffering of others.

DOMERS vs. Jimmy Harbaugh: Hee, Hee…..HEEHAHAHAHA! Okay, so the Weis Regime has to be over. Rumor is he’s clearing out the desk. In fact, I am waiting to post to see if we hear anything official from $warbuck$ before the morning is done. Who do we like? Short list: Stoops – Ain’t gonna happen. Kelly – Bet this hard. Peterson – TCU – Uh-uh. Doesn’t know the upper mid west and wants a Big 12 Job. Herbstreit said it best on Game Day: Why do we continue to waste so much time on an irrelevant program like Notre Dame? They haven’t mattered since 1993…Those are fighting words…
Texas vs. Texas AM: Texas prevails, but Texas AM is going to be a good team when they get a defense. Easily one of the best games of the weekend – in case you slept through it.
Pitt vs. WVU: The Backyard Brawl. Why does it seem that whichever team in this battle is having the best season is destined to lose this game? I mean, it’s friggin’ Karma.
$atan’s Warriors vs. Auburn: The Iron Bowl. This was SO CLOSE to setting the dominoes and tumblers into motion that would have pitted TCU vs. Boise State in the National Title Game….Nuts…
Cornsuckers vs. Colorado: Cornsuckers are “almost” back. Can they beat Texas in the Big 12 Championship and throw the monkey wrench in that we all desperately want?
Clemson vs. South Carolina: Ole Ball Coach can still coach against the ACC.
Okie State vs. Laters: Wow…I didn’t see this one coming. I figured Okie State big in this one…How wrong I was.
GATORLAND vs. Bobby: Sigh. So much for the Bowden Era. I am sure we will see news today.
Virginia vs. Va Tech: Groh’s final game as Cavalier’s head coach, at least that’s my guess…
LMU vs. Arkansas: Somehow, I would have liked to see LMU lose this one. Talk about your big bowl battle, though. This sent Arkansas to a non-New Year’s day bowl and clinched NYD for LMU….
UCLA vs. Southern Cal: Yadda, yadda, yadda...


Idle Thoughts From the Weekend

1. Have you heard the Stafford NFL films replay of the separated Shoulder?
2. Yikes! I mean, you can TELL he was in pain…
3. I knew the Domers would show up- winning, however, seems to elude this team...
4. When did defense become so hard to coach and recruit?
5. High School Highlights: Inkster gets beat by Lowell…
6. Why do we care? Devon Gardner, the hot recruit, was in the game QB’ing Inkster.
7. And I thought he got outplayed by his Lowell counterpart.
8. Where’s THAT kid going?
9. Will FSU ever be FSU again?
10. Officiating in the SEC has to be addressed.
11. HAS TO.
12. Okay, we know Tiger Woods was in an Accident.
13. Can someone tell us why?
14. I don’t like LSU’s new uniforms…
15. And what’s with Florida? Those were throwbacks, right?
16. I am glad the Big 10 will be playing this weekend next year.
17. So when do they add the championship?
18. Jimmy Harbaugh will not get outcoached….I am convinced of that much.
19. Take the interference call, but DO NOT LET THEM CATCH THE BALL!
20. Stanford could be a good team next year…Really Good.
21. So what is with the PAC 10? When do they add the 11 and 12th team?
22. I said it once and I’ll say it one last time – I will miss Charlie.

The Hot Seat

You know, I have to commend all of you and your readership of this drivel. Erin Andrews did look as cute as a button on Saturday night, but she’s always wearing too many clothes. How about getting Erin an assignment in on of the warmer bowl spots so we can see what she might wear given a climate that agrees with her….So, here's your weekly dose of Erin....



HOT SEAT RANK

Coaching Carousel begins….

1. Wuzzles –GONE! (We’re jumping ahead of the mainstream media a little here) 2009 SEASON FIRST MAJOR CASUALTY!
2. Bobby Bowden – Ditto – But we can’t call him dead yet…
3. Stoops – I just don’t see this one happening….Stoops has been too good for the Laters…So, no Domers, either.
4. Al Groh - GONE! 2009 SECOND MAJOR CASUALTY! It’s official.
5. Mangino….Damn, All the fat jokes I could have been using with both this guy and Charlie….

GETTING COOLER – or Icy Cold – Or – The List that ND Swarbrick is going to call to be told, “No Thanks.”

1. Harbaugh
2. Petersen
3. Brian Kelly - Actually, he might say yes.....
4. Meyer
5. Saban


THIS WEEK
CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK:

SEC: GATROLAND AND $ATAN’$ WARRIORS
ACC: THE WRAMBLIN’ WRECK VS. CLEMSON
BIG 12: SHORT HORNS VS. THE CORNSUCKERS….

UPSET ALERT:

Last Week (2-2)
Cardinal over Domers – Yeah Baby!
Arkansas over LMU – Oops…But the Razors were THIS CLOSE….
Okie State vs. Laters – OOPS…This is why you Keep Bob Stoops.
Take A&M and the 22 points over Texas in the rivalry game…Yeah Baby!

This Week:

Okay, Take Gatorland….
The Wramblin Wreck is less of a mess than Clemson, even if the Tigers are looking for revenge…
Dare I go here? Is Texas beatable? Could this be the signature for Pelini? AS much as I want to, I just can’t do it….Texas and lay the points…

Mangino - Should have been on the Hot Seat List

Your MMQ somehow ignored all of this Mangino nonsense as just that...I couldn't believe that Kansas - a basketball school that got lucky one season in football, would actually fire the winningest coach they've ever had, therefore, I ignored the noise...

I need to learn, where there's smoke, there's a fatted pig on spit somewhere and his seat is getting hot!

The only other names the article refers to our ones we have on the radar...but if Kansas really cans Mangino, well, Kansas may find out exactly how hard it is to find a "great coach" that will be able to get them back to where they are.

Sparty Insanity.....

Football team is now beating up dorm kids...

And yet the mainstream press in Detroit reports...nothing...until today after Dantonio dismisses two thugs from the team....

Charlie's Fat in the Fire

Well, I guess it's somewhat official. Charlie has to delay (cancel?) his west coast recruiting trip and meet with $warbuck$ on Tuesday after the Stanford game.

ESPN.com has the news....

So, why is this telling? Coaches are allowed to visit recruits at home only ONCE while they are recruiting. This gives the new coach a chance to visit any recruits Charlie was planning on visiting out there an opportunity to make that trip if the new coach so chooses...

Now, I guess, it's just a matter of waiting till Tuesday for what is probably the worst kept secret in all of Head Coaching at the collegiate level.

Problem is, there have been so little "rumors" on all of this with respect to who the new guy is. I would think that the Domers would have learned from the Michigan Fiasco that it's better to have some feelers out there before you can your guy...But then, maybe the Domers are simply to above it all to believe that they need feelers.

BOHICA- Next Year’s Rallying Cry

Bend
Over:
Here
It
Comes
Again…

I first heard this at a customer some years ago when they were asking for yet more cost reductions and the buyer tried to put a humorous spin on it. I was reminded of it on Saturday as I sat sipping a tall, cold glass of golden depression cure at a local pub as I watched the 2nd half unfold. What in the hell is going on? I am still almost too dazed and confused to even begin to wrap my mind around it…

That’s what being a “Those Who Cannot” fan feels like at this point. What the hell was Forcier thinking???? 5 turnovers? Did he have OSU giving the points?

Bo Schembechler (and others) have said that a Quarterback can’t necessarily win the game for you…But they can certainly lose it for you. With all the rumors swirling around Pre-Game with respect to Tate not being there, the “Tebow-like” speech after the game, it makes you wonder if this kid is the “million dollar” arm and ten cent head mentality of Ryan Mallet…It also makes you wonder if his days as a “Those Who Cannot” player are numbered. And if they are, what then?

But I digress. I know all of you want to hear my take on this classic game. And here it is: HANG ON TO THE GOD DAMN BALL AND YOU WILL WIN A LOT MORE GAMES!

Oh, how ill I was after this game. It was winnable. We were moving the ball. OSU couldn’t do the things they wanted to do. If we score on the first 4th quarter drive, it’s a completely different game. If we don't spot them 7 to start the game…I am seeing Notre Dame all over again…Was that only this year that we were so absolutely giddy with a victory over one of our most hated rivals? It seems like a lifetime ago.

I was ill, knowing that I am looking at a weaker defense next year with the loss of key players from the senior class. I also know that the offense will be weaker, based on the latest performance. And until we can figure out that possessing the ball is better than giving it away, well….BOHICA seems like a new rallying cry for this team next year vs. All In for “Those Who Cannot”.

I will try a final analysis, but in the end, what’s the point? We simply aren’t that good of a team right now and I am not sure we get all that much better next year.

The Ledge – or the Race to 6-6…Sparty Wins!

THOSE WHO CANNOT Reasons to put ONE FOOT ON THE LEDGE AND THE OTHER STEPPING OUT INTO THE ABYSS AS WE BEGIN TO TEETER AND BEGIN THE PLUNGE:

Let your body fall into the blackness and become enveloped in the cold darkness until there isn’t any more noise or Pain and you can wake up with a renewed vision next year…Of course, there’s always basketball…

THE REST OF THE MESS
The New Theme of the Rest of the Mess:

“Schadenfreude” - A German term for "shameful joy", taking pleasure in the suffering of others.

Tex Tech vs. Laters: I had a feeling…Is Stoops seat getting a little toasty? A team that was a pre-season top 5 is now looking at not making a bowl…The MMQ predicted that The Laters weren’t going to be that good, but jeez, 6-5? And guess what? Stoops has never been .500 at Oklahoma…Yep – I’d say it’s getting a little toasty.
Uconn at DOMERS: (JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS!) Schadenfreude…..But, misery loves company. Well, I guess it’s all but a foregone conclusion that C. Wuzzles will not be coaching the Domers next year. After all, Charlie claims he would understand if the Domers canned him…Of course, he also understands that he’ll be walking away with $15-$18M of Leprechaun GOLD also, but hey, he earned it, right? And if he isn't canned, do the Domers finally retaliate by not going to home games? Refusing to buy tickets? No longer supporting the program? I doubt it. So, in some weird universe where Charlie does keep his job, it would be wonderful to see and have him around to poke fun at again next year. For if the Domers get BK from Cincin…Well, let’s just say I’m nervous. Oh, and that rumor about Urban Legend going to South Bend? Fuhgettaboutit….He’d be a fool to try to take that over and resurrect it. Or would he?
PSU vs. SPARTY: Schadenfreude…Sparty, Sparty, Sparty…I never know which team is going to show up. I hate to say SOS, but man, I have seen better out of you all year and you don’t show up on your last day at home. If Michigan’s a mess, Sparty is a Riddle wrapped up in an Enigma…
LMU vs. Ole Miss: Anyone catch the end of this game? I couldn’t have timed it better and let me tell you, if they aren’t screaming for Mr. Miles Head on the Blogosphere, they will be. In case you DIDN’T see it: LMU needs a Figgie with 28 seconds left…They WASTE 16 seconds before calling a time out. They MAKE THE PLAY putting them in FG range with 2 seconds left and then they try to stop the clock by spiking the ball instead of getting their field goal unit out there to kick. They were at the 5 yard line! I would have had the FG team ready and waiting…What a mess. That could be your next head coach, ladies and LMU isn’t going to a BCS game…Last year, Ole Les was 7-5. Hmmmm….What a difference a couple of seasons make. My guess is LMU is reviewing that contract for total wins and seeing if they can get out of it without paying off Lester if they decide to can him…
Cal vs. Stanford: Jimmy couldn’t pull off the miracle and win the PAC 10 outright this year…That would have been something. Still, it’s not bad to beat two of the better teams in the league in your third year…That’s better than his alma mater has done.
Ducks vs. Arizona: Another OT finish in a clutch game for a BCS berth…The Ducks prevail and it all comes down to a Play-off in the PAC 10 of Oregon vs. Oregon State…Beavers vs. the Ducks…Hee-hee…Where’s Pete Carrol? At McDonald’s….

Idle Thoughts From Saturday

1. Well, you know, at least it’s only one more time..
2. WE SUCK!
3. Are their medications for what I’m feeling? Hopelessness? Despair?
4. Give me a case of whatever.
5. Domers have to be feeling the same way…
6. USC, Laters, K-State, and others feeling blue, too…
7. What is the BCS going to look like?
8. Methinks Boys State is about to get “BOHICA’d”…Hard, without lube.
9. TCU is the newest love child of the BCS.
10. Can’t have two newbies to the big money games.
11. Big schools will push and use their leverage.
12. Interesting that two of the winningest programs are in the provervial basements.
13. Can anyone think of lower points in the Michigan and Domer Programs? Ever?
14. OSU isn’t that good.
15. And they're the pride of the Big 10.
16. Okay. I accept that the Big 10 might not be that good.
17. But when you’re not good, there’s only one way you can go.
18. Harbaugh: “If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse.”
19. I think one of his coaches in college taught him that…
20. Did I really feel that good about this team on September 12th? Really?
21. 7-5 Next Year or good bye Rich…It’s that simple.
22. There are too many other guys we can talk to.

The Hot Seat

That’s a Wrap!

I can’t seem to find ANYONE that you guys would rather see than Erin Andrews. For the last 4 weeks, she has walked away with the voting only to see one close vote when Jessica Alba came into the fold, as it were. This week, it wasn’t even close with Erin getting nearly quadruple the votes of her nearest competitor. Uh fellas (and gals), there are other females that exist besides Erin. But I can’t argue with your logic. So, without further ado, let’s just give it to Erin and I will continue to find and place, shall we say, different pictures of her in the column for all of our enjoyment…From loyal reader Chris – Thanks!

HOT SEAT RANK

This is when it gets interesting. Rivalry Week. Thanksgiving Holidays. Coaches getting the Ax...One fatted one immediately comest to mind, but still...What if they don't can him? It might be that much more fun watching the Domers next year? Don't you think?

1. Wuzzles – Oh Charlie…The MMQ to Charlie Memorial is in the works.
2. Bobby Bowden – Bobby, do yourself a favor and let go…
3. Stoops – Got to be feeling a little tension.
4. Al Groh - still there…
5. Rich Rod – He’s not getting canned, but the Flame is on ULTRA BOIL.
6. The Ole Ball Coach
7. Richy Rich - Had to move him down…UGA, the Bull Dog, died from a Heart Attack. So, there is some sympathy for Mark Richt this week…

GETTING COOLER – or Icy Cold – Or – The List that ND $warbruck$ is going to call to be told, “No Thanks.”

1. Harbaugh - Beating Arch rival USC twice in Three seasons? Yeah, Jimmy gets it...
2. Petersen - Not likely...
3. Brian Kelly - Hello Domers, well Hello Domers! I promise you that you will be proud of this team in LA on November 27th, 2010!
4. Meyer - Loyal assistant returns to raise the bar?
5. Saban - Wouldn' that be something...


THIS WEEK
THURSDAY NIGHT LIGHTS!
Uh, it’s Turkey Day, Remember?

But Wait, there’s a college GAME on: Texas vs. Texas AM…The classic without the Aggie bonfire on Turkey Day. So, turn off the Lions and turn this on.

Black Friday – Or, “Honey, I can’t go shopping, there’s a game on!”

Pitt vs. WVU: The Backyard Brawl. Pitt is looking to reinforce their bowl position.
$atan’s Warriors vs. Auburn: The Iron Bowl….Hmmmm…Is $atan’s team beatable?
Cornsuckers vs. Colorado: Lookout Cornsuckers…Colorado is playing for pride and you’re in as the North Rep…Could be a letdown game for the Cornsuckers.

Every Day Should Be Saturday

Clemson vs. South Carolina: Ole Ball Coach needs a win…
Okie State vs. Laters: Can Okie State resist making their arch rival 6-6???
GATORLAND vs. Bobby: Damn…I wish Bobby could go out with a bang. Wouldn’t that be something?
Virginia vs. Va Tech: Va Tech needs a win to improve their bowl slot…Will they get it from a less than inspired Groh team?
Cremesicles vs. Kentucky: This game matters to these two.
LMU vs. Arkansas: Always a good game. Les will be in hotter water if he loses this one.
DOMERS vs. Jimmy Harbaugh: Think $warbuck’s will interview Jimmy for the job while he’s there or wait until Stanford plays it’s bowl game?
UCLA vs. Southern Cal: This game used to mean something. Maybe Pete Carrol will be available for Michigan or the Domers. Pete has Midwest roots, don’t forget.

UPSET ALERT:

I’ll predict the following victories and point spread picks:
Cardinal over Domers
Arkansas over LMU
Okie State vs. Laters
Take A&M and the 22 points over Texas in the rivalry game….

85 Believers......

It might not feel much like Michigan vs. OSU week to any of you reading this right now. In fact, it doesn’t feel much like Michigan vs. OSU to the MMQ right now. There’s no tension, anticipation, elation, memory reliving (well, maybe just a little of that) and most of all, the belief level of the fans is way too low.

I remember hearing our Sparty brethren in years past when the didn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hades to beat Michigan get on the radio after drinking a pint or two of their favorite libation and state aloud that they believed their team could beat Michigan. You have to hand it to Sparty – even when things are completely lost, they have some spirit.

Where’s the Michigan Spirit?

All I’ve heard this week from Michigan fans is that it will finally be over, it’s just like last year and we aren’t that great of a team. On the Contrary: This team, kiddies, can score points. That part has never, ever been an issue. Granted, most of them come in the first half and the opposing defenses make adjustments and take certain plays away from us, but none the less: Michigan is pretty highly ranked in the Big 10 when it comes to scoring points. Blocked punts? No problem. Catching punts…Well...

It’s that other category – points scored against us? That one is a problem…But I will say this. USC found a way. Purdue – who Michigan played and hung tough with, found a way…

And there are 85 believers not counting coaches who are busting their collective asses this week, doing everything they can to find a way to win this game.

12 point underdogs?

AT HOME? IN A RIVALRY GAME?????

Surely, you jest…No, I am not Jesting! And Don’t Call Me Shirley...

If I had not been a witness to what transpired over the last two years and you brought me into the future from 2007, I would say that you take it all and bet the farm on Michigan to cover at home. And they just might pull off the miracle upset!

Have I lost it?

1993: Michigan, sitting at 6-4, was about as bad as we had been since 1984. OSU came in ranked NUMBER 1 in the country and what did an underachieving group of Wolverines led by Todd Collins, Tryone Wheatley, Derrick Alexander, Jason Irons, Steve Morrison, and Buster Stanley do? Hung 28 points on the Suckeyes and defeated Cooper yet again and the mighty Suckeyes never even scored!

What about 1995: Tshimanga Biakabatuka rushes for 312 yards and the Wolverines defeated a heavily favored OSU team in the Big House.

And what about that OSU 1969 team that came into the Big House as a double digit favorite that was the undisputed National Champion 2 years running and they were upset by an upstart coach and a certain team of underachievers that had been destroyed by that same SUCKEYE squad the previous year by a score of 50-14?

What I am saying is: YOU NEED TO CONCEIVE IT AND BELIEVE!

“What the Mind can Conceive (and Believe), The Mind Can Achieve…And Those Who Stay Will Be CHAMPIONS!”

There are 85 Believers in Ann Arbor going through Thursday pre-game – practice activities this afternoon. There will be blood, sweat and tears from emotions running high.

Where do you stand?
What do you believe?
Can you see it in your mind’s eye?
Forcier playing with precision?
Graham getting to Pryor?
Brown blitzing like a mad man?
Somebody making a huge play on defense?
Huge plays on offense?
Do you see it?
Do you believe?

Rich Rod or the “Case of the Misplaced Head Coach”

Before I started this entry, I wanted to figure out how things got so lost…How they got so out of control. But at the end, what does it really matter? We’re here, and we need to get out of here. So, how do we fix the problem? And if you’re reading this, I’ll warn you right now: You might not like what I conclude….

We hated Lloyd Carr and his conservative ways. We reviewed and hashed out missed plays or opportunities in losses over seasons from years gone by. We figure if WE had been coaching, we could have WON THAT GAME (HE lost)!

Well, we now know that it’s a little tougher. That Michigan doesn’t “recruit itself” and that you need to know a thing or two about X’s and O’s to win at this level. I can’t help but think that DeBord and English are selfishly smiling quietly to themselves at this point, gleefully watching as the Michigan Team crumbles into mediocrity. Silently thumbing their noses at the press and fans, thinking, “SEE! Told you so! We weren’t that bad.”

And you know what? They’re right. Those guys supported and coached their hearts out and maintained the Wolverine Football program in steady fashion. It might not have always been pretty, but it worked the majority of the time. But when it didn’t, it failed miserably.

Which means those two, or three, if you want to count Carr, were also wrong. Just because a system was working well, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a different way to do things. And sometimes different is better. But if you’re going to do it different, if you’re going to “take the plunge”, make sure you’re taking it with the right guy, the right personality to get you where you need to go. And I mean he has to be Teflon. He needs to deflect all the bullshit that’s going to come his way during the process.

I don’t know at this point if the Rod is the right guy for Michigan. But his current team of “Those Who Cannot” isn’t looking like it has a direction, a purpose, or any kind of mission to turn anything around any time soon. However, Rod is saying the right things. He’s fighting the good fight. But as Sean Connery said to Nicolas Cage in the movie, “The Rock”,

John Mason: Are you sure you're ready for this?
Stanley Goodspeed: I'll do my best.
John Mason: Your "best"!?!? Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. Stanley Goodspeed: Carla was the prom queen.
John Mason: Really?
Stanley Goodspeed: [cocks his gun] Yeah.

So, just because the Rod is doing his best, I am not ready to hand over another two years without seeing something – ANYTHING – that would convince me that this team can do what it needs to do to take the reins of the Big 10 back over from, seemingly, everyone else. And, unfortunately, a bunch of close losses doesn’t convince me.

Fucking the Prom Queen would do it – In other words – Beat OSU.

But I can’t just can the guy. Not yet. For several reasons:

1. For those that want the Rod’s head RIGHT NOW, I have this to say: Who are you going to go get? Les Miles is gone. There is no Les Miles. Les Miles has history with Michigan that is good and bad and may be linked, in some weird twisted way, depending on what you read a believe, to a drunken night with Garry Moeller at the Excalibur…That bridge burned, fell and will be impossible to rebuild. It would be easier to make a clone of Les Miles and call him More Miles than it would be to get Les Miles to come to Michigan and for Michigan to accept him at this point in time.
2. Jim Harbaugh. Forget that pipe dream, too. Jim’s got attitude and that plays well when he’s your guy, but there have been too many off field (DUI-2005) and on field (Going for 2 up 48-21 against USC) incidents to let that go unnoticed. And he would really tick some people off if he were in Ann Arbor. But in Jim’s defense, when PC’s USC machines were trying to get BCS style points by destroying the lesser ability of the PAC 10, Stanford included, I am sure he didn’t build up a whole lot of sympathy. So, do unto others Pete....
3. After that, you’re back to a search. An ugly, unproductive search where we lose another two years getting rid of the recruits that were brought in to play in a system under one guy. The new guy will claim that the recruits the Rod brought in were too small, ill-equipped for HIS system, etc, etc, etc.
4. If you can even get any decent talent to TALK to you. Look at this from a candidate’s perspective: He sees a highly regarded coach get run after two years on the job. Now, he says to the new AD, “Look: I think it’s going to take at least 3 to 4 years for me to get my system in place. What guarantees do I have you’re not going to run me in two years?”
5. Wouldn’t it make you ill if RR left Michigan, went to some other big school and in two years built a wining program capable of competing on the National Scene? Wouldn’t it? Of course, I can play what if’s all day long and that’s not the point of this entry…
6. Here’s another reason:
The 2010 Season Schedule:
TEAM MMQ’s Prediction
Connecticut W
At DOMERS W – Clausen’s and offense is gone..CW, too
Massachusetts W
Bowling Green W
AT INDIANA W
Sparty Iffy - W
Iowa (Home Coming) Iffy
AT PENN STATE L
Illinois W
AT PURDUE Iffy
Wisconsin L
AT OSU L
Bowl ??????
Rich Rod was given the benefit of coming in on an even year, meaning, Lloyd probably knew the transition coach would have a bad season and he was therefore stuck with OSU, PSU and The Domers on the road – which is ideal for starting out. Guess what? Next year, any new guy would get the same big three: OSU, PSU and Domers on the road…Think anyone wants to come into THAT season as a first year coach with a questionable squad? I mean, hell, even PURDUE has won two straight on us and we have them late in the season away…Yeah, I know. Rich Rod might not do any better given these circumstances. But he’s made the bed. Let’s see if he can get busy in it…To coin a phrase.
7. And remember where I said no one is going to like me after this blog? Now, bear with me on this next part: If we give the Rod another year – next year, you’re going to have to automatically give him the 4th year as well. Before everyone starts ripping my head off, hear me out: If you can the guy after a hopefully mediocre (7-5) 3rd year that gets you to a bowl game, what then? Now, you look even worse than you did when you canned him after year two, right? He improved the program every year he was there, right? And you canned him? Of course, he will STILL NOT HAVE BEATEN OSU OR PSU in 3 tries.
8. Of course, if he doesn’t make a bowl, well, good riddance and Michigan is in deeper stink that I even want to think about at this point in time…
9. Which leads me to the counter point of why Michigan may need to can the man:

Maybe, just maybe, Rich Rodriguez ISN’T the right coach for this job. And I believe at the end of 4 years, you’re going to be able to make a much better decision on that than anyone can make right now. Unfortunately, with today’s guaranteed contracts and buy out clauses, both the university and the coach are literally, “All In”, to use a poker term and this year’s rallying cry for the Wolverines. It makes sense now, doesn’t it? Michigan pushed OUR money in the pot pre-flop and Rich is our hand. We’ve seen our hole cards and they were something like A-K suited – Great hand with HUGE potential, at least it seemed that way (Year 1). We’ve now seen the flop (Year 2) which didn’t hit us at all and was something like “5-7-no bowl” and now we need to catch up on the turn (a bowl game) and the river (BCS BOWL) in order to beat the other guy’s pair of deuces. It’s not impossible, but the odds are stacked against The Rod at this point. Michigan pushed and they have to finish the hand…

Another parallel, unfortunately, is the DOMERS (JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS!) and what they did initially with Bob Davie, how abruptly they acted with Tyrone Willingham, and how patient they were – or have been, rightly or not – with Wide End. The Domers now know that any move in the future needs to be carefully calculated, thought out, and can’t just be handed over to the “best candidate” available at that time. It’s not like hiring for other positions in a university.

What do I mean but not giving it to the “Best Name Available”? Football, like a lot of sports, is tradition rich and it helps to have people and players that are schooled in that tradition. And they in turn hand that tradition down to the generations that come after them, educating them on the rivalries and the emotions with playing for a university and a program like Michigan. That’s why I was VERY NERVOUS to bring in a Non-Michigan Man to run this program. I could have cared less if he started playing the spread on offense, a 3-4, 4-3, 5-2 or 1-2-3-4 and do-si-do out the door on defense….What I wanted was the importance of why you put that number on every game day and what it means for you to wear it…How you carry the traditions of every player to wear the number 1 – Carter, Edwards, McMurtry and others…Or how number 2 has become symbolic with excellence and toughness on defense – Woodson, and Walter Smith…That responsibility when taught from the coaches and handed down by the players starts to mean something in the 4 or 5 years you’re with the program. And it becomes a very powerful motivational tool. Ask Bo Schembechler (who’s rolling over multiple times at this point) what the power of knowing everyone’s name of the person that wore the Jersey number before you. You have to carry on that tradition. You are responsible. And therefore, motivated.

That was my biggest fear. Because when a bad season comes along, and they will, you at least have the tradition to fall back on – the heritage of those who went before you and when you pull that winged helmet on, you understand that you are among the “Leaders and the Best”. And maybe the Rod hasn’t gotten that part yet. He was blind to it and just didn’t get it. He claims he knows and he understands, but really, does he?

So, back to the moral of the story: If Rich isn’t the guy, and I am not saying he is or he isn’t at this point, but if he isn’t, then who is?

That may be a question that remains for the next AD to decide, or maybe the Rod finds religion and gets the players he needs to turn the Titanic around…

And I do mean Titanic. This program is on a course for somewhere – destiny TBD and Rich Rod is the captain of that ship. Anyone who comes in now is going to have a lot of work to do. If Rod can somehow make it all work, so be it. If not, Michigan is in desperate times indeed.

I am not saying that a BCS bowl game is 10 years in the offing, but unless something changes, it’s going to start feeling like it.

Cheese (head) Whiz......

You know, if I ever thought I would have lived long enough to see a total of 8 “Those Who Cannot” wins over two seasons for a grand total…I would have said you were nuts. I lived through the first “horror” of 6-6 in 1984 and it was enough to last a lifetime. Not to mention the 7-4 campaigns in the early 90’s…. I can’t imagine living through something like what is going on right now as a younger fan. My patience and attitude would be much different then from I am feeling with the current regime.

When I started this e-mail some 12 years ago that became a blog a couple of years ago, it was admittedly a lot more fun. I cheered. I complained. And in general, I believed.

Here’s the funny thing: I still do. Really. Like it or not. I believe we have the best coach that we can have at this point in time doing everything he can do to make this team better. Whether or not he can accomplish that and whether or not he has the right talent in here that can compete at the Big 10 level is another question altogether, but right now, it’s what we’ve got. And we have to be patient and let him get the personnel in hear that he needs to execute. Firing Robinson won’t solve anything, either. Getting better players that can mange the system will probably help. So go get them.

If you watch this team only in the first half, you begin to think they can actually play this game. Then the 2nd half starts…I really can’t begin to describe what happens, how it happens, or when it happens. It just happens.

It’s sad to see a wasted season for Brandon Graham. I think he is at least a 1st round pick on a team of never to be drafted players. Unless a whole bunch of people get a whole lot better really fast.

I wasn’t going to go into the coaching review until the end of the season as you probably aren’t going to like what I have to say, anyway. But, just to touch on it: The Rod is not our problem. Robinson is not our problem. Our problem lies in the fact that there was a “lame duck” head coach in the front office who thought he could get away with putting less effort into his final 2 years based on the juniors and seniors that he had. And he has laid before you the fruits of those efforts under the current coaching staff for all to see.

That Coach lost to App State – still think that doesn’t sting? That coach also hadn’t beaten OSU in 5 tries – it’s been since 2003, kiddies…. Folks, something was way wrong with this team long before the Rod got here. Granted, 2006 was a special time. When everything lined up and we thought we were on the verge of greatness, only to trip and fail miserably at OSU and then against USC.

That coach let defensive issues go unaddressed or was unable to address them in a timely manner with appropriate players. And when the time came to hand over the reins, well, the cupboard was indeed bare. So bare in fact that 85% of the scholarship players on “Those Who Cannot”s team are freshmen and sophomores…Not a winning combination.

Talk about firing the Rod all you want, but at the end of the day, they guy we should have been scrutinizing a whole lot closer was a coach who accomplished a great deal in his tenure and we gave him the benefit of the doubt. And maybe we shouldn’t have. We should have been a whole lot tougher on Lloyd Carr than we were…And NOW we’re paying the price.

Give the Rod your patience. I know everyone wants his head on a platter, but what will that solve?

I was going to comment on the CARA development, but time and space prohibits it at this point in time...Maybe Rich is gone after all. That would be "cause" and we all know what THAT means...

The Ledge – or the Race to 6-6…Sparty Wins!

THOSE WHO CANNOT Reasons to put ONE FOOT ON THE LEDGE AND THE OTHER STEPPING OUT INTO THE ABYSS AS WE BEGIN TO TEETER AND BEGIN THE PLUNGE:
1. Defense…Offense…no sense
2. OSU Home – We’ll be up, but so will they.

THOSE WHO CANNOT Reasons to pull one foot Off the Ledge:
1. It’s OSU….DO YOU BELIEVE?

THE REST OF THE MESS
The New Theme of the Rest of the Mess:

“Schadenfreude” - A German term for "shameful joy", taking pleasure in the suffering of others.
DOMERS (JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS) vs. PITT: Hee-hee….HAHAHAHA!.... Schadenfreude. I thought Domers might pull out the victory and save Wide End’s job…But now it looks like their really isn’t much that can save Wuzzles except that big, fat, buy out in his contract. Yeah, keep telling me that doesn’t matter. If Losingham would have negotiated better, he would still be there today, also. MY guess is they let him coach through the bowl, regardless of what happens in the next two games. Of which, I think they can only - maybe – win one. Regardless, Wuzzles sealed his fate on Saturday at 7:00 PM or there about. Actually, Brian Kelly might have done it the night before when his Cincinnati team beat WVU….
SPARTY vs. Spoilers: One of the best games of the day. Sparty tried and tried to lose it and ended up winning by default.
WVU vs. Cincinnati: Not a chance with WVU here. Granted, it was a close game, but the Domer’s next head coach managed the win just fine.
Cremesicles vs. Ole Miss: Lane Kiffin still isn’t sure what league he’s coaching in if he thinks he can coast on some teams…It’s the SEC Lane. You gotta show up every week.
Yellow Jackets at the Blue Devils: I’m a Wrambling Wreck from Georgia Tech and I drink My Whiskey Clear! I am actually liking GT. Could be a difficult bowl opponent for somebody.
IU vs. PSU: So close, and yet so far.
Stanford vs. Southern Cal: Schadenfreude. Pete Carrol’s preferential treatment of getting inside the velvet ropes at all the LA hotspots is done for this year. He knows what USC fans have come to expect, and he’s not delivering. Please check last week’s preview: Wait a minute – The team that Beat the Ducks is GETTING 11 from the team that lost to the Ducks? Has Vegas lost their minds or do they know something that I don’t? - Yeah, I don’t THINK so…Vegas has lost their minds and your MMQ called this one. Of course, I just wish I hadn’t called that Domer game….
IOWA vs. OSU: Wow. I really thought Iowa might pull it off…This would have been Ultra Schadenfreude. Unfortunately, we have to listen to the south of the border bucktards for another year.
Cornsuckers at Kansas: Cornsuckers are proving themselves worthy.
GATORLAND vs. The Ole Ball Coach: This could be a fate sealing game for Spurrier…He has to be tired of losing to his alma mater.
Auburn vs. Georgia: This could drive another spike in Richy Rich’s coffin…WAIT A MINUTE! The Puppy Dawgs find their cajones and pull off the victory! Not bad….
Texas AM vs. LATERS: Heh, heh….Your MMQ kind of blew this one. I am glad I didn’t take it as a betting game…Ahem…
$atan’s Warriors vs. Miss State: $atan’s Warriors stay on track to the title game…

Idle Thoughts From Saturday

1. Well, you know…Do I need to type it?
2. Yeah, I do. It’s cathartic…WE SUCK!
3. There. I feel better.
4 No, I really don’t…..
5. Sparty is starting to figure out how to win close games. It only took them forever.
6. Come on Iowa!...God, I am rooting for the children of the corn.
7. But I would rather have OSU off a victory, if there’s any chance.
8. I know, there’s no chance. But they have to play the game.
9. Of course, that might be worse. If I just take the loss, it’s another loss.
10. Playing could be greater humiliation than I can stand.
11. What REALLY happened to Michigan?
12. Firing The Rod does what, exactly?
13. Do you want to be in the same spot again in two years time?
14. Of course, I guess the Domers thought they had the answer when Wide End won early…and five years later, they’re still a 6-6 or 7-5 team…
15. Maybe great things will come in time?
16. I believe, I believe, I believe…..Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.
17. In what, I can’t really say for sure…Track records, desire to prove the world wrong, The Rod becoming infected with the Wolverine Pride.
18. Someone PLEASE explain to the Rod that you can win this game with desire.
19. I wonder what coach will “Wake Up The Echoes…..”
20. BK makes sense. It really does
21. Will “makes sense” and “Those Who Cannot” ever fall in the same sentence again?

The Hot Seat

Seeing as how we must have a lot of Sports Fans that read the Ole MMQ and you can’t seem to shake the image of Erin Andrews in her underwear, I have decided to pull out all the stops and see if we can’t somehow make it a race going into the end of the season for the Hot Seat Mascot of The Year. And, in order to do that and to make the voting tougher, well, we have to bring in the Big Guns. Without further ado, this week’s Hot Seat Mascot: Cindy Margolis!

Now, if this doesn't beat Erin Andrews, I guess we just name Erin the Annual Hot Seat Mascot and I will ask you all to send your best photos of Erin in for the remainder of the year!

DON’T FORGET! You can vote for the Annual Hot Seat Mascot! Pick the Hot Seat Mascot that you think should be the Hot Seat Mascot of the Year. If you can’t decide on one, that’s okay. You can vote for multiple Mascots Every Week. I will post the Leader in the Vote getting on the Side Bar.

HOT SEAT RANK

We have had a number of minor dismissals already (Western Kentucky, Mid Tenn State), but the MMQ has decided that we are only going to track the big names. And I am sure that we are going to see some shake-ups this year…

1. Wuzzles – Oh Charlie…We’ll miss you at Michigan…We really will.
2. Rich Rod – He’s not getting canned, but the Flame is on HIGH - especially after the CARA deal.
3. Bobby Bowden – one last gasp…
4. Al Groh – Virgina isn’t going anywhere – he’s toast.
5. The Ole Ball Coach – Sigh…Whatever happened to fun ole Steve?
6. Richy Rich –He’ll survive, but you just don’t want his job right now.

GETTING COOLER

Zookie – I guess he’s here till season end

THIS WEEK
THURSDAY NIGHT LIGHTS!
Colorado vs. Okie State – It’s on, I’ll watch, but I don’t know why….

Every Day Should Be Saturday
The Big Game: There is only one Game. It’s us vs. The Evil Vested Empire…
Tex Tech vs. Laters: Stoops might get upset one more time? Maybe?
Uconn at DOMERS: Uh-oh…The Save Charlie’s Job push will be even stronger this week. Too much, too little, too late?
PSU vs. SPARTY: Okay, Sparty. Do you want to play in Detroit? Or Florida? Or Texas? That’s worth playing for….
LMU vs. Ole Miss: LMU better look out. Ole Miss is playing for Bowl Position.

UPSET ALERT:

Your MMQ was 1-1 this week…Lover the Cardinal – JEEZ I HATE THE DOMERS!. Just when I thought you would come out and play for your coach….

Hmm….There just aren’t any upsets that look appealing to me this week…There was one I had in mind, but Sparty needs to play hard at home. I can’t go there, not yet, anyway. But this will be the first of a couple of posts this week, so I might predict an upset later.

The BCS Mess - 2009 Re-Dux

I know everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, that follows college football has an opinion on the BCS. There are very few, IMO, that come down of the favorable side of the BCS equation. That is, if I were to poll 100 different people to give me a thumbs up or down on the BCS, I would more than likely get 98 thumbs down. The two thumbs up would be from either Florida, Texas, or Alabama fans - or whomever makes it into the title game that particular year.

Without looking, what do all these teams have in common?

Cincinnati
TCU
Boise State
Georgia Tech
OSU
Pitt
USC
LSU
Houston
Iowa

They are all in the top 12 of the nation and are out of the National Chamionship “race”, as it is referred to in the mainstream media as the “BCS” Title Game. It is already a foregone conclusion that Florida or Alabama will be in the game, and all the games have not been played. Texas is the de-facto pre-ordained opponent and will get the honor of going up against the SEC…

Not a problem, you say? Than you are in the minority of football fans that would like to see a play off. What if you were one of the teams above that has an undefeated or one loss record (and even two in a tough conference) that would like to settle it all on the field? Would that NOT be an opportunity worth playing for? Wouldn’t that keep the interest in the season alive?

But our system doesn’t have that. And here’s the real rub:

A one loss team to an undefeated team will not get a shot at the national title – nor will the undefeated team- based on the fact of where they began the season in the National Rankings. Two years ago, a 2 loss LSU team got a shot at the title and beat OSU – Why? Because LSU started out on top of the pre-season polls and never slipped out of the top 7 in the rankings.

Let me make this next part perfectly clear: I am not, if you are a Gatorland, Short Horn, or $atan’s Warriors fan, taking anything away from what you have or will accomplish this season. In fact – kudos – you have all done a great job. Even lowly Big 10 contender Iowa deserves some credit. They simply did what they could do with the opponents they were given. Win all or most of their games. They also deserve that shot at the title.

What irritates me is that I think, once again, based on where teams started in the pre-season rankings, there is going to be a major injustice done to teams in the college football world in the day and age where there doesn’t have to be this impractical selection, voting, and ranking process to determine a National Champion.

Some day, before I die of old age, I would like to be able to bounce a grandchild on my knee and tell them how NCAA FBS Football used to be – and how it finally changed for the better. However, in order for that to happen, we need some common sense and logic to address this issue.

Can the NCAA PLEASE figure out a reasonable way to have a FBS Championship that would make sense and be fair to all those involved? How difficult would it be?

The MMQ has offered a solution before and until I see something better or more logical, I still think it’s the next best thing to what we have in place right now.

Short Term Solution – Within two years:

1. Take the champions of the Big 6 Super conferences: Pac 10, Big 12, Big 10, SEC, Big East, and ACC and give them an automatic bid.
2. Allow the next two highest ranked teams into the play-off and seed them accordingly.
3. In two weeks - 4 games the first weekend and two games the second weekend – you will have your Championship Teams.
4. You will have added two more games to two teams’ schedules.
5. If that bothers you, eliminate the 12th, meaningless game that everyone plays right now- which is a segue to my long term solution.

Long Term Solution – Within the next 5 years:

1. The Big Ten and Pac 10 needs to add a team and two teams, respectively.
2. DAMN YOU DOMERS - JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS! Must finally get off their stupid pedestal and join the Big 10 (11).
3. If not the Domers, we will balance out the MAC to12 teams vs.13 and get one of them to join.
4. Notre Dame can take their chances trying to schedule anyone that’s left worth scheduling that isn’t in an automatic bid conference.
5. Combine the Weak East and C-USA and make a Big East 12 team conference.
6. Take any teams that you pilfer from C-USA from the Sunbelt or MAC Conference and keep them at 12 teams. Pac 12, Big East, and Big 10 will need to add Conference Championship Game.
7. Bids to the Playoff: Win your conference or, win your conference Championship.
That would make 14 automatic bids of the so-called "SUPER CONFERENCES" Big Ten, SEC, ACC, Big 12, PAC 10, Conference USA and Big East.
8. If those bids overlap, meaning the Regular season Champion and the Championship Game winner are the same, go with the 2nd place conference finisher.
9. NO MORE PRESEASON CRAP AGAINST DIVISION 1AA or anyone else.... Everyone plays everyone in their conference - Round Robin – 11 games.
10. So, in a 12 team conference you would have an 11 game season, everyone plays everyone (AND SEASON TICKET HOLDERS DON'T GET STUCK WATCHING A DELEWARE STATE GAME IN OCTOBER)...
11. Let the next 2 ranked teams that are not already in that equation into the Play-Off and seed them accordingly.
12. This will most likely be an at large team that is not the Domers because they won’t have played anyone that matters.
13. You play at the Home Field of the team with the better record. (Bring ‘em up north, boys and girls!)
14. If you have an identical record, a coin flip will determine home field.
15. In three weeks, you will have your two championship teams - 8 games the first weekend, 4 games the second weekend, and 2 games the 3rd weekend of December.

Drawbacks:
We lose some “classic” rivalries, particularly with the DOMERS (JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS) and their USC, ACC, and Big East games. I don’t know how to address that. But my guess is they will be happy to stop getting their collective butts handed to them by several of those teams.

Smaller schools won’t be able to play in the large stadiums for the athletic department saving paycheck that they have come to enjoy. In a way, I would like to address that issue, but I can’t think of anything feasible with one exception:

-Allow big schools to schedule a “pre-season” warm up game against FCS (D-II) opponents.
-These games will not count towards won-loss records.
-They should be held prior to Labor Day and fans shouldn’t have to pay as much for the game…(Yeah, I know. Like THAT would ever happen)

That's it. In January you will crown the champion. About the same amount of time that usually transpires after the last season game. You will not be interfering with classes or finals for all but 4 teams. I think those schools will be able to manage that. The Conference Championships end on Thanksgiving weekend. That will be the 12th game for 14 teams. You will be adding up to 3 games for two teams, which does seem like a lot for college. But, I think they will say it’s worth it. God knows the AD’s will love the extra revenue.

The entire month of December will be for the play off games. You can still qualify for Bowls like you did before. Granted, you might not know where the last few play off teams are going until mid December, but that’s manageable.

And The SEC just might have to travel to the Big House or some other Cold, Barren, PERHAPS SNOWY locale to play a game. Then we'll see who the tough teams are.Losses will mean less - assuming of course that you win the Championship Game or have the regular season best Record, and a non-conference loss will be non-existent. Is there a simpler solution?????? I can't think of one....But I am willing to entertain ideas....

Some Good Tuesday Articles

If you haven't seen this in the Michigan Daily, Andy Reid has done a great job of summing up the life of "Little Man Tate". The funniest part to a practiced High School Prankster (Ask the MMQ sometime about the Car in the School hallway brought in through the Band Room) was the Detention Slips. That's a classic!

Also by Reid, I didn't know of the most recent goings on at Yost during Hockey games, but it appears that the Maize Rage, or whatever they are called at Yost, is a well organized, hip, and at times, vulgar group of individuals. But based on what I have heard and "seen" elsewhere in collegiate athletics, I think it's high time people wake up and realize that to a certain extent, college athletics have been rated at least PG or PG-13 since the 1970's and Michigan had the now defunct, but sometimes ressurected "Bull-SHIT" chant whenver there was a terrible referee call. I remember watching a home game on the tube when it was coming through loud and clear and the color guy on with Keith Jackson kept asking Keith, "What are they saying?" Keith just kept on talking and avoided the answer but the chant continued...Classic! And I don't remember fans getting ejected for that, either...

Pur-Don’t-Does-It-Again and “Schadenfreude”

Last Year: Hook-Lateral-Sinker
This Year: Onsides is Better!

You know, when you finally “let go” of being a “Those Who Cannot” Fan and watch objectively, I mean TRULY objectively, you notice some things. The best thing “Those Who Cannot” have been doing this year is kick-off returns. Yep. We look good doing that – Stonum has some serious yards returning the ball. Punts, not so much, but kick-offs, yes.

So, I am sure when the Spoiler coaches met at half time, someone, thinking quite logically, said, “Look, we’re giving them the ball on the 35-40 line when they run it back on us. Why not try on onsides kick and catch them sleeping? So we give it to them 15 yards further up the field? But the risk reward is huge.” And that’s just what they did.

I HATE it when I get out “thunk”. I am sure the Rod is hating it right now, too. And like it or not, “Those Who Cannot” are staring 5-7 right in the eye – just as your own MMQ predicted.

And it doesn’t get any better next year. The defense will still be atrocious and the offense, well, the offense just isn’t getting better. It does great things, yes. But consistency, ball control, and clock management are not anywhere in the “Great Things” list. Anyone miss Lloyd Carr? Don’t – I am not sure he isn’t more to blame for this mess than the Rod. And as a loyal MMQ reader noted – The Rod is the only guy really able and trying to fix it right now.

The Ledge – or the Race to 6-6….

THOSE WHO CANNOT Reasons to put ONE FOOT ON THE LEDGE AND THE OTHER STEPPING OUT INTO THE ABYSS :
1. Defense…and more offensive woes. And Onsides Kick-off Recoveries...
2. Cheeseheads in Madison…Fuhgetaboutit….
3. OSU Home – We’ll be up, but so will they.

THOSE WHO CANNOT Reasons to pull one foot Off the Ledge:
1. Looking for a net, a lifeline, anything….

THE REST OF THE MESS
Navy vs. DOMERS: Hee-Hee…..HAHAHAHA….HEEE-HEEE HO HAHAHA! Upset SPECIAL Game #1 – Are you betting with the MMQ? You should be….After getting a chance to see the HBO special of the 10 year war (again), I was reminded by Barry Pierson of a wonderful term that as “Those Who Cannot” Fans, we need to use more of. It seems our opponents use it often against us, so I am stooping to their level:

“Schadenfreude” - A German term for "shameful joy", taking pleasure in the suffering of others.

Well, the fatted one has done it again. Right when he was getting some respect and improving the image of the Domers, they manage to lose to Navy 2 out of the last 3 years. What’s classic: Navy didn’t think that the win was that big of a deal. LET THAT SINK IN FOR A MINUTE: The Middies figured on WINNING THAT GAME before it was played. They didn’t even consider it an upset.
LMU vs. $atan: You know, I really liked LMU in this game. I made that pretty clear last week. And I guess the Referees didn’t agree with me when they CANNOT SEE WHAT WAS OBVIOUSLY AN INTERCEPTION in the 4th quarter on the instant replay and wanted to keep the $atan’s Warriors record unblemished. If I am Slive, I think it’s time to decimate and gut the entire referee staff in the SEC, get someone in the booth that DOES NOT NEED CORRECTIVE VISION and is less than 60 years old that knows what a “Flat Screen” is and MAKE THE GOD DAMN CALLS RIGHT! Okay – I’ve aired my grievance, for what it’s worth.
Ducks at Stanford: Another One of my Upset Specials Comes Home Huge! I knew Jimmy would have those kids ready to play, and the PAC 10 is more of a mess than usual. But the Ducks are still a good team.
Cincinnati vs. UCONN: If you aren’t, I’m convinced that the best TEAM in OHIO is Cincinnati. I am convinced that the BEST COACH in Ohio is Kelly. Is he staying there because he believes? Or is he holding out for the Fatted One’s Title at Our Lady?
OSU at PSU: “Schadenfreude” - Someone I hated had to lose...But I hate it when The Suckeyes get on a roll in November. The Kitty Cats just didn’t show up. Plain and simple. Pryor looks good again, etc.
Hokies vs. Pirates: Hokies beat, but do not impress. But then again, now that the ACC is out of reach, is there any reason to embarrass other teams?
Clemson vs. FSU: “Schadenfreude” Bobby Bowden is gone. That’s all there is to it. And I would have liked to see him win this game, but I hate both these teams, so, say it with me…..
Broncos at Sparty: Sparty lives to fight again and may have a shot at their last two games. Purdue is beatable and so are the Nittany Kitty Cats….
Cheeseheads vs. Indiana: The Hoosiers have hung with everybody they’ve played this year. Look out for them next year. Indiana could become the next “I” school to make life miserable for everyone else in the Big 10.
Illinois at Gophers: What the hell – The Illini were supposed to roll over and play dead for everyone in the Big 10 and now they are trying to do, what exactly? Screw everything up for everybody else?
Gamecocks at Arkansas: Razors get the victory against the Ole Ball Coach whose team cannot seam to score any points…Whatever happened to the fun and gun? Is it all over for Spurrier? The South Carolina natives have to be getting restless.
GATORLAND vs. Commodores: Tebow does what needs to be done.
LATERS vs. CORNSUCKERS: Laters are much worse than predicted and will drop out of the top 25. I knew they would lose, but didn’t think it would get this bad. Conrsuckers, on the other hand, might be bowling.
RUBBERS vs. SUNDEVILS: Rubbers prevail……

Idle Thoughts From Saturday

1. Do I need to say it again? We SUCK….Let me re-phrase: THOSE WHO CANNOT SUCK! (I am no longer “We”). Aw, who am I kidding…This just really hurts, that’s all.
2. When Rich Rod fields a defense and we hang on to the GOD DAMN BALL, we’re going to be a pretty good team.
3. I guess you can say that about a lot of teams, though, can’t ya’?
4. Clausen for Heismann? Really? He hasn’t beaten an arch rival – Navy included in that statement - yet (this season). If he loses again, hopefully we will have heard the end of it. With Pitt and The Cardinal on the schedule, The Domers are looking at 7-5. I mean, really, MSU, Washington, and Purdue were all right there, too.
5. Oregon’s worthy of a title shot. Really.
6. So is Boise State. I believe that.
7. As are Florida, Alabama, Texas, LSU, and others in the top 10…
8. Hmmm…I wonder why they don’t do a playoff in Division 1 College Football?
9. Yes, those last thoughts are satirical in nature in reference to my disgust for the three sequential letters that I hate more than IRS…
10. What will it take?
11. I know money is the root of all evil. Are the Bowls Evil? IS BCS EVIL INCARNATE?
12. Logically, that makes sense.
13. There aren’t many Great Games in November – well, there’s one, when both teams are good.
14. I take that last one back – Saturday had compelling Football. I always like to watch my arch nemesis lose – Say it with me! “Schadenfreude”
15. But, as they say, misery loves company.
16. Look at it this way: Would you rather be sitting with the Rod or Wuzzles? That’s what I thought.
17. You did say the Rod in the answer to the question, right?
18. If you didn’t, go away. Even the Domers don’t want him.
19. Are OSU tickets getting cheap?
20. I HATE it when we lose…I really do….
21. All we need is one win. Can it happen? Hope springs eternal.
22. Hope in one hand and “crap” in the other and see which one fills up first…As the saying goes….

The Hot Seat

Wanting to go off the page a little and find a good, wholesome individual, I was watching The Office on Thursday as I flipped back and forth to the Hokie –Pirate matchup and couldn’t help but notice Pam…Lovely Pam, that co-worker you think about, but unless you’re Jim, you don’t really talk to…They must work really hard to make her look mousy on the show because this week’s Hot Seat Mascot is in fact, HOT! Jenna Fischer looked great in this Golden Globe photo….

And she looked HOT here in this budoir shot…Anyone know the origins of this pic?

But, like I said, something about the photos when they take all their clothes off makes them worthy of the Hot Seat Mascot Honor!

DON’T FORGET! You can vote for the Annual Hot Seat Mascot! Pick the Hot Seat Mascot that you think should be the Hot Seat Mascot of the Year. If you can’t decide on one, that’s okay. You can vote for multiple Mascots…Every Week I will post the Leader in the Vote getting on the Side Bar. Erin Andrews Just Keeps on Winning! Two weeks in a row! Don't make her a lock....Be sure to Vote!

HOT SEAT RANK
1. Wuzzles – Creeping back up the ladder Charlie…Losing to the Middies simply isn’t good resume fodder.
2. Bobby Bowden – Technically gone – We just haven’t started the gone list yet.
3. Richy Rich –He’ll survive, but you just don’t want his job right now.
4. Al Groh – Virgina isn’t going anywhere – he’s toast.
5. Rich Rod – He’s not getting canned, but the Flame is on HIGH
6. The Ole Ball Coach – Sigh…Whatever happened to fun ole Steve?

GETTING COOLER

1. Zookie – I guess he’s here till season end

THIS WEEK
THURSDAY NIGHT LIGHTS!
USF vs. Rutgers – I labeled this one as: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does anyone care?

Every Day Should Be Saturday

WVU vs. Cincinnati: Last chance for someone to knock off the best Team in Ohio…Hmmm
Cremesicles vs. Ole Miss: Can Lane make a bowl in his first season?
Yellow Jackets at the Blue Devils: Did ANYONE think this game would mean ANYTHING at the beginning of the season? Don’t look now, but Duke might make bowl eligibility.
IU vs. PSU: Can this be the one that the Hoosiers bring home?
“Those Who Cannot” vs. Cheeseheads: “Those Who Cannot” are getting 9 – Take the Heads of Brie and call me in the morning.
SPARTY vs. Spoilers: Sparty needs 1 – Spoilers need 2 for a bowl…Pick ‘em game…
Stanford vs. Southern Cal: Wait a minute – The team that Beat the Ducks is GETTING 11 from the team that lost to the Ducks? Has Vegas lost their minds or do they know something that I don’t? Hmmmmmm
IOWA vs. OSU: Don’t dismiss Iowa entirely, my friends. They will show up. But can they beat THE Suckeyes? I dunno…
Cornsuckers at Kansas: Big 12 North big game of the Week
GATORLAND vs. The Ole Ball Coach: Well, I don’t know. I thought the Ole Ball Coach might win this game when I looked at the schedule back in September. But he just doesn’t have the tools.
Auburn vs. Georgia: This could drive another spike in Richy Rich’s coffin…
Texas AM vs. LATERS: Again, what is Vegas seeing that I’m not? Laters are giving 18.5….Hmm.m….
$atan’s Warriors vs. Miss State: Miss State upset Florida last year. Can they pull off the impossible after an emotional win for $atan? Hmmmmm
DOMERS vs. PITT: Take Pitt giving 7 at HOME. Domers might have turned a corner and the downward spiral may have begun.

UPSET ALERT:

Your MMQ refuses was a respectable 2-1 last week on the upsets – but my best bet, LMU and the points (9) was a, ahem, tie…And you KNOW what that means…DAMN THOSE REFEREES! But Navy and Stanford came home huge.

This week, the MMQ Upset Alert Sense is telling me

Stanford, maybe, over the RUBBERS? At least take Stanford and the 11.
I hate to do this, but: DOMERS over PITT. Yeah, I know. But with their backs against the wall, the Domers might do something stupid…I am not sure I can stand by this one for the entire week. I may have to pull it off the table on Friday.

Nothing else is really saying “Upset” this week to me….

Interesting Articles on the Wolverines

Thanks to multiple alerts from followers of the MMQ, and some of my own digging, there are a couple of good articles and links to "reasonable" analysis besides the garden variety that are sprouting up all over the web that have the same general tone, to wit:

"THE COACHING STAFF SUCKS!"


I like this Dr. Saturday article for what it portends for Rodriguez if he doesn't figure out how to get us into a bowl. Even if the talent cupboard is bare, the collapse against Illinois is really unexplainable.

Another good article that addresses the overall QB and Defensive Starter situation is here. For those of you that thought "Those Who Cannot" will "always be able to recruit itself", well, we are starting to see that isn't the case. I mentioned this earlier in one of my blogs that the "Those Who Cannot" Defensive Player personell turnover was unacceptable and needed to be addressed. Issue is, and as painful as this sounds, it looks like we'll be in the same boat next year as we haven't landed the top prospects we need to turn the ship around - at least on Defense. And for a "Those Who Cannot" fan, that is painful indeed.

And finally, from the Rod himself, as reported in the Michigan Daily. I want to give the Rod a chance at this point. I really do. Bringing someone else in makes no sense and simply puts us further behind the 8-ball than we already are. But still, it makes you wonder. Why can't more be done with moving offensive potential to defense and trying them there? I know that's grasping at straws, dying breath of a desperate man, but if we don't make a bowl game...It will be the first two losing seasons in "Those Who Cannot" History since LBJ's administration...that's the 1960's for all of you that don't know who LBJ is.

Zooky Trick or Treat

Uh Oh. 5-4 and 1-4 in the Big 10…It’s not a repeat of 2008, but it ain’t much better. Therefore, we are moving to a new reference of “THOSE WHO CANNOT BE CALLED MICHIGAN” until they win a Big 10 game that matters… Hard to decide what is worse: giving up 377 yards rushing to 2-6 Illinois, being unable to score from the 1-yard line on four plays, or taking back-to-back losses against the Illini for the first time since 1958.

I hate prognosticating in the pre-season. Remember, I had the Illini game chalked up as a loss and, well, it’s looking like I am a pretty good predictor of THOSE WHO CANNOT Football outcomes. (I’ve only been wrong on the Domers). Maybe I need to be more positive and predict that were going to WIN MORE GAMES. I can’t explain what we saw on Saturday. It defied logic. The Illini was the worst defense in the Big 10, a team that hadn’t produced offensively, and a coach that should be on the hot seat but has been confirmed through next year….

I would love to go into an in depth on this one, but when you look at it: Dropped punts, 4 plays from the 1 YARD LINE and we can’t punch it in, blown defensive assignments etc…It’s just more of the same only against a team with a different color uniform.

Defense, not taking care of the ball, and missing golden opportunities are going to continue to be the bane of THOSE WHO CANNOT’S existence until someone decides that the problems need to be fixed. You can’t “exercise” or “condition” yourself out of bad performances. The recipe needs to be better coaching with the talent we have. Mgoblog.com had a great piece last week on the fact that we have had a 58% turnover on defense going back to the 2005 season. That means that over half the recruits have either left, been injured or transferred out of the program. That’s a problem. How do you address it?

I would love to come down on the coaching staff, but I have a feeling there’s going to be plenty of time for that later. Believe me, I a making a list. And right now, THOSE WHO CANNOT need every fan it can get for the next three games. So, before I go completely negative, let’s rally the Maize and Blue!

The Ledge – or the Race to 6-6….

THOSE WHO CANNOT Reasons to put TWO FEET SQUARELY ON THE LEDGE (Toes hanging off):
1. Purdue at home coming off a pasting by Wisconsin. I would have preferred that they played their hearts out and lost a close one, or even beat the Cheeseheads.
2. Defense…and more offensive woes….
3. Cheeseheads in Madison…Fuhgetaboutit….
4. OSU Home – We’ll be up, but so will they.

THOSE WHO CANNOT Reasons to pull one foot Off the Ledge:
1. A little weak here. I am open to suggestions and anyone with any ideas as to how we can win one of the last three or we’ll be sitting a 5-7 at home after November 21.


THE REST OF THE MESS

Here’s your USATODAY top 10 inserted here for discussion later. At least the BCS is still somewhat SANE….
1.Florida (50)
2.Texas (4)
3.Alabama (5)
4.TCU
5.Boise State
6.Iowa
7.Cincinnati
8.Oregon
9.LSU
10.Penn State

SPARTY AT GOPHERS: Sparty’s Ledge:

Reasons to keep TWO FEET SQUARELY ON THE LEDGE (Except your out to the arches and rocking back and forth on your heels):
1. You should have won this one. After taking Iowa to the limit and losing the way you did, you needed to go up there with attitude and just take it.
2. The Iowa game may have been the swan song this year. Emotional roller coaster is off the track.
3. PSU and Purdue are still on the schedule – AWAY….
4. You need two wins in your last three games…

Sparty reasons to pull one foot off the ledge:
I’m REALLY WEAK here and looking for any Sparty’s who haven’t already tuned out and turned on Basketball and Hockey to give me something…Anything to hang on to here.

North Carolina at Va Tech: HOKIES! I told you! Butch Davis was looking for a win and you were ready, but not able, to contain the Tar Heels. ACC is looking like a mess with GT yellow jackets in charge…
Purdue at Wisconsin: I was really hoping for a close game here. I wanted a de-motivated Purdue Spoilermaker at the Big House. Now, the Spoilers are going to be pissed and ready to play.
Indiana vs. Iowa: I watched this game from the beginning to the end and Indiana HAD THEM. They really did…Until they completely and utterly collapsed. And the Hawkeyes beat the spread. Amazing.
Kitty’s vs. Kitty’s: PSU vs. OSU this week is the big game...Northwestern simply couldn’t compete. Iowa loss for PSU is looking HUGE…So is that trip by OSU to the Spoilers…
Ole Miss at Auburn: Ole Miss is a fraud and Auburn is probably going bowling…
Mizzou vs. Buffaloes: Mizzou POUNDS Buffalo hide and makes the Big 12 north somewhat interesting.
WORLD’S LARGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY!: I can’t believe I whiffed so bad on this one. I really thought with a week off to prep, Richy Rich would have the Puppies ready to play…Florida is looking less vulnerable – Especially when they go for the EYE GOUGE play on defense. Nice, guys. Classy…I think I am starting to hate GATORLAND even more than I did before.
DOMERS (JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS!) vs. Washington State: Whatever…..
SOUTH CAROLINA at TENNESSEE: I just didn’t buy the fact that Tennessee would be getting points at home…I nailed this one. And Lane Kiffin hung another Tennessee victory on the Ole Ball Coach.
TEXAS at OKLAHOMA STATE: Short Horns rule…Cowboys drool…But Big 12 looks terrible in general.
RUBBERS at OREGON DUCKS: This game gave me a happy moment as I watched a very good Oregon Team dismantle a team that, with one more loss, won't play in a BCS game…That would be a first of nearly 8 years for the Rubbers. USC has lost 11 games in 8 seasons since 2002. Four of those defeats came in the state of Oregon. Think Pete Carrol will be vacationing in Oregon any time soon?

Idle Thoughts From Saturday

1. WE suck….WE suck….WE suck…
2. Has 2009 been disappointing for the fans? I mean, not just THOSE WHO CANNOT Fans, but College Football Fans in General?
3. Yes, we have undefeated teams…But come on, we don’t really have what anyone would call great teams this year, do we?
4. I mean, where’s the Heisman moments? Where are the last second heroics – aside from the Domers (JEEZ I HATE THESE GUYS!)
5. Don’t tell me we all just cave and give it to Clausen.
6. Get rid of the award if that happens.
7. We suck…We suck almost as bad as we did last year. We’re young, we’re small, and now we’re busted up...I am not sure you can play in the Big 10 with little athletes. They last for a few games, but when they start getting pounded week in and week out by bigger athletes, well, little guys can only take so much. I know – long thought.
8. Will the BCS really put two, count em, two non-power BCS Buster teams, TCU and Boise State, into the Big Money BCS games?
9. Can these fans generate the buying power?
10. I GAURAN-DAMN-TEE you that ABC who has two games and FOX that has the other three DON’T WANT TCU AND BOISE STATE. But that’s just an MMQ hunch.
11. And what gives? Why are these teams “so good” and why can’t they be defeated?
12. Where’s the upsets in the WAC and MWAC?
13. I hate it when Michigan loses. Really. I mean, I hate it…
14. If you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse.
15. And the offense isn’t getting better.
16. I know I predicted 5-7, but after the Domer victory, well, yes, I let hope creep in…I need to learn not to do that.
17. I do believe we’re on the right track and if we can keep everyone healthy – we’ll be better.
18. What do we do about the Defense? I can’t blame the coaching…He’s working with what he’s got.
19. Recruit DEFENSE only for the next two years?
20. Purdue can be beaten. God, I hope we can beat them…

The Hot Seat

Decisions, decisions…I know all of you were thinking I was in a Friends theme, but when it comes right down to it, was Lisa Kudrow really that hot? I didn’t think so, either…So I had to let my mind wander and come up with another Mascot selection. The criteria used to be:
1. Had to have some sort of link to Michigan (tossed that out this year)
2. Had to have some sort of link to the MMQ (like the same things, same sign, etc – tossed that one, too.)

Now, they just need to be hot. So, without thinking too hard, I came up with the following: Jessica Alba! She definitely got my attention when she was bouncing around in the movie “Into the Blue”…

And she held my attention in this shot as well.

But, and this is a “Charlie Wuzzles”, it really gets my attention if you can manage to get a photo of yourself naked…the MMQ isn’t sure why that is, but it just helps.

DON’T FORGET! You can vote for the Annual Hot Seat Mascot! Pick the Hot Seat Mascot that you think should be the Hot Seat Mascot of the Year. If you can’t decide on one, that’s okay. You can vote for multiple Mascots…Every Week I will post the Leader in the Vote getting on the Side Bar. And you NEED TO VOTE EACH WEEK for your favorite. It turns out I can't simply add a mascot to the poll. We have to start a new one each week.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER: ERIN ANDREWS! I can live with that....

HOT SEAT RANK
1. Wuzzles – Creeping back up the ladder Charlie…Because everyone else is “safe”.
2. Richy Rich – Georgia should have played that game a lot closer than they did…
3. Bobby Bowden – Technically gone – We just haven’t started the gone list yet.
4. The Ole Ball Coach – He will forever take it on the chin when he loses to the Cremesicles and they remind him of his “You can’t spell CITRUS without UT” comment.

5. Sorry RR..You're back on the list. And I only have you at 5. Some are requesting a much higher position.

GETTING COOLER

1. Al Groh…Going on annual run that saves his job.
2. Zookie – I guess he’s here till season end

THIS WEEK

THURSDAY NIGHT LIGHTS!
Va Tech at East Carolina: HOKIES! Wake UP! Skip Holtz will have his kids ready..

Every Day Should Be Saturday

Cheeseheads vs. Indiana: Can Hoosiers rough up the Cheese? I doubt it…
Broncos at Sparty: This is a must win.
Spoilers at (THOSE WHO CANNOT): If they can beat the Spoilers, I will give them the name back.
Illinois at Gophers: Gophers get the Motor City Bowl Bid – or better.
Gamecocks at Arkansas: Razors need a win…So does the Ole Ball Coach
Navy vs. DOMERS: I like Navy. Really.
Ducks at Stanford: Harbaugh will have his troops ready. Ducks coming off emotional win might be a little flat…
OSU at PSU: White out! PSU is tough in 3:30 games in the Big Beaver. I think they hand OSU 2nd Big 10 loss with the VEST going conservative and losing a last minute heartbreaker…Hee-hee….
LMU vs. $atan: I like LMU getting 9….
GATORLAND vs. Commodores: Tebow and crew will win easy…
LATERS vs. CORNSUCKERS: Anyone remember when this game used to mean something?
RUBBERS vs. SUNDEVILS: Wouldn’t another upset of the rubbers be classic?

UPSET ALERT:

Your MMQ refuses was a respectable 3-1 last week on the upsets…I know you didn’t see it, but I also said that the Gophers would upset Sparty, but I pulled it out due to my Big 10 blinders…but I nailed the Ducks and the Cremesicles, blew it on Gatorland.

This week, the MMQ Upset Alert Sense is telling me

NAVY over the DOMERS….
Stanford over the DUCKS
LMU over $atan…

But again, I could be wrong on all of them….Best bet: LMU and the 9 points. 2nd best: Stanford getting 4 at home.