Total, Complete, Humiliating, Unmitigated Disaster....Averted Part Deux

I am frankly appalled, bewildered, confused and in an utter state of denial/anger over what is happening to the Michigan Wolverines at this point.  They are incredibly lucky to be 2-0 the last two weeks against teams that are a combined 1-6.  That alone should be a great reason to panic in Ann Arbor.  I’m not sure where this goes from here, but expectations have fallen and I feel like I’m on a run-away roller coaster ride where the power to the brakes is out, but the chain that pulls you to the top of the first big drop is still working just fine.  Every week, we’re going to get pulled up and there’s no way of knowing when or how the car is going to stop….And we know we simply can’t jump off the ride and ignore what is happening….

There’s a bye this week, and while that can either be a good or a bad thing, I believe this team has a lot of soul searching to do.  And I’m not the only one as e-mail and texts poured in Saturday night and Sunday morning with multiple comments and concerns.  One of the most compelling titled, “Thought Starters” , from the Original Super Fan, I figured was worth putting in here and commenting on as it seems like it should cover just about every concern the average Michigan Slappy and Non-Slappy Fan has at this point.

1. Gardner is suddenly making D-Rob quality decisions……So is it the QB coaches fault?  Great question.  My initial thoughts on Gardener have come FULL CIRCLE since Central and the domers.  Meaning, where I initially thought Devin could overcome or at least compensate for a weak and inexperienced O-Line, I’m now starting to think that it’s too big of an Achilles Heel for him to manage on his own.  The offensive woes can’t all be put on the QB or the QB coaches, however.  There are certain coaches that need to take a hard look at certain positions and make sure that they are playing the best possible players at those positions, regardless of class rank.  There is a serious problem and while I’m not making excuses for Devin and poor decisions on his part-or the coaches at that position, it can’t all be on him.  He’s forced into making decision he shouldn’t have to make….

 

2.  Gardner almost never tucks the ball properly, even after crossing the LOS or on obvious run plays; This WILL LEAD TO DISASTER!  Agreed.  Gardener is NOT D-Rob in that respect and while he can make plays using his feet and mobility, he is not a “run first, pass second” QB.  In fact, sooner or later, Devin will either A.  Drop the ball on a crucial drive  (see first drive after half time with respect to the “Fumble – 6” and you get where this could all go) or B.  Get hit so hard that he’s knocked out of the game or worse (See Driscoll – Gatorland).  That being said, Shane Morris isn’t ready to lead this team….and that is scary in and of itself. 

3.   Gardner is NOT THE ONLY problem on offense.  AGREE EVEN STRONGER!  See answer to number 1.  Everyone in the mainstream media seems to be laying this mess at the feet of Gardener without probing a little further or just watching what’s actually happening on the field.  I counted at least 10 plays where Gardener was rushed or forced out of the pocket early and into a difficult decision of running or getting rid of the ball.  Granted, Michigan ran on 1^st down against U-Conn over 90% of the time!  This play mix is not a recipe for success and that falls squarely on the O-Coordinator.  I get that the coaching staff watched U-Conn film and probably saw opportunities where the run could have been established, but clearly the U-Conn staff decided that Michigan would not have the luxury of big gains via the rush on 1^st down.  After the first tipped INT, I felt (and texted) that Gardener was getting gun shy.  The short arm INT when Funchess was a step ahead of his defender was clear evidence of that… He needs to re-develop/re-discover his confidence and the only way that’s going to happen is with offensive line protection and open receivers. 

4.   Did you notice that UNCONN defenders HIT while our boys barely tackle?  While I thought that U-Conn was playing well on Defense(And we were making them look better than they were), I thought our Defense in the 1^st quarter was playing exceptionally well.  However, I do think that U-Conn made some great adjustments offensively and started to figure our defense out.  I think there are times when all Michigan fans think that every tackle should destroy the enemy, but the defense played admirably and was on the field way too long based on the opponent.  The best defense is a ball controlling offense.  Plain and simple.  And the Defense was what got us back in that game – Thanky You Desmond Morgan. So while I see some open issues on D, they pale in comparison to what has happened to the Offense.   Hitting and tackling not withstanding.

5.   Did you notice that our boys go down upon initial contact by one defender while UCONN players almost never went down immediately!  I am so sick of watching O players of teams I hate gain 5, 10, 15 yards after contact while M guys go down like power windows.  On the rare occasion that they don’t, it seems that the ball ends-up on the ground?????  I say anybody but "Fritz" in the backfield next game.  Keep rotating in other RBs until we find a guy that can gain some YAC without giving up the ball.  Oh, and from a coaching perspective, ANY loose ball should be considered a FUMBLE.  There’s multiple complaints here and I will try to address it all by simply stating that I think everything goes back to a root cause which is the offensive line.  “Fritz” has never shaken off the first tackle, has a tendency to get the “dropsies” and I think if you go back to a couple of years ago, you’ll find that the MMQ made those FT observations along with the statement:  “I miss Mike Hart”.  And while that is a Fritz problem, when there is good (or even decent) blocking, I think Fitz is one of the better open field runners we have.  And the coaching staff has confidence in him.  Plain and simple.  So while Fitz is perhaps part of the concern, it all starts up front. 

6.  An illegal motion penalty after a TO IS A COACHING PROBLEM!  Either that player is just too stupid to be allowed to play or the coaches are not focusing enough on such stuff!  See the answer in number 5.  The Offensive line needs to be the major focus in the bye week and Hoke has eluded to a change on the line and I think he needs to make it rather than wait.  I’ve seen what the upper classmen can do;  I’m ready (I think) to see what the depth chart looks like, even though that’s never a good thing when it comes to either line.  But something needs to be shaken up.

Minnesota is in the Big House in two weeks and they will have already played a B1G game.  Either way, win or lose, they will be coming to the Big House hungry for the Brown Jug and looking at two games worth of film of weaker Michigan opponents defensively taking advantage of an anemic Wolverine offense.  You can do a lot in two weeks, however, and I simply hope that whatever adjustments are made for Michigan, it’s enough.  My expectations have fallen and while I’m not in the Bargaining Phase of Slappy Fan Grief yet and I’m still in the Denial/Anger tweener position (“Deni-anger”???), it’ll only take 1 loss to push me over the edge….So let’s review where some other fan bases are in that spectrum. 

5 Stages of Slappy Fan Grief

1.  Denial and Isolation – Sparty – ¼ of the fan base.  I was watching the Michigan game in a relatively public location, the St. Pat’s End of Summer Festival Beer Tent, where there was no shortage of Spartys and domers.  In fact, Michigan fans were outnumbered by about 4-1. And I caught the end of the domer-Sparty debacle there.  Sparty fan was so upset with the referees (and I concurred with Sparty, strangely enough) that they forgot that they were still in the game with a shot to win at the end.  “JLS” Dantonio then made, what was later learned, a coaching decision to “switch” out Cook and bring in Maxwell who hadn’t played in two weeks.  We all thought that Cook was injured in the prior series.  But no.  Sorry, Sparty... that’s a “JLS” move if I ever saw one.  A lot of Sparty fans agreed with me…Scary…The domers on the other hand are still solidly up in this phase as they also are somehow an incredibly lucky 2-0 (Spoilers and Sparty) after their Big House loss and believe that every pass interference call was justified.  Some even believe that undefeated from here on out is possible…How wrong they are….Others in the Denial/Isolation:  Hawkeyes – up from Bargaining/Anger due to 3-0 run over mediocre opponents, Suckeyes, Badgers, Bulldogs, Wolverines and others….Later or domer fans after their game will be here next week in droves….and someone from those two will slip down to
2. ANGER – the other 75% of the Sparty fan base falls here.  But they simply have so much to be angry with, as one fan in the beer tent said, “God…I’m pissed at the refs, Dantonio and the offense.  I don’ have enough rage inside me to yell about everything….”  I get sparty’s anger and actually shared some of that as it seemed like every PI was on a very KEY play for the domers….and there was a couple that I thought that could have easily gone the other way – and normally I love it when Sparty get jobbed by the refs.….Other fans in the anger category that have figured out that they are simply not that good or know they have problems that “coaching” isn’t addressing:  Trojans, BYU, Huskers, some Hokies, domers and a lot of Wolverine fans….but some Wolverines have already slipped into the
3. Bargaining – phase.  Michigan fans seem to enjoy seeing the worst side of the coin or the glass half empty and thinking that the coaches can’t possibly see what they see as fans and that there is “no way the team can learn and get better.”  With 4 wins, there were fans in the ole’ beer tent that were stating that 8-4 would be an “acceptable outcome” for 2013….Now, to that I have to say, “Wait a minute.”  MAYBE this is just the MMQ “bargaining” with himself, but I believe that there’s a good chance that the Wolverines somehow find a way to right the ship on offense and continue to improve and they are still undefeated at this point.  And while none of the first 4 wins get you to Indy, the B1G Title game is still out there looking for a Wolverine Debut appearance.  But it will need to be won and the road is getting more difficult every week unless the problems are fixed.  Other teams with a large part, if not the majority of their fan base in the Bargaining phase:  Gatorland, Cremesicles, Hoosiers, Sun Devils, some spartys and Va Tech Hokies immediately come to mind…..
4. Depression – While their team won, Texas Fan has to have the most representatives in this category.  They know that they aren’t that great of a team and while they can be somewhat happy about beating K-State, well, the North Dakota State “Bizon” also beat K-State this year…so that’s not saying much.  Gatorland has some fans in this area as does the aforementioned K-State, but there’s definitely still a broad range of grief levels amongst all these fan bases. 
5. Acceptance – Surprisingly, even though U-Conn lost, there’s definite hope that came out of the game against Michigan.  And while there aren’t many teams down here yet, it’s all going to start piling up in October.  K-State fan, - objective ones – are already here and hoping to play spoiler for the rest of the season.   Not to mention USF…

Idle Thoughts From Saturday

 -Fargo ND featured on Game Day….

-(I’lll admit now I had to look it up on the map….)
-A little slice of Americana…
-I was surprised when they rattled off the list of people that had appeared on the stage of the downtown Fargo Theater…
-It was kind of impressive.
-Louisville puts up 72….Wow…
-Suckeyes run up 76!  Holy crap…and it was 55-0 at the half…
-QB controversy in Columbus?  Or just a wonderful luxury for Urban Legend?
-One that Urban DOES NOT HAVE on Defense…next week in C-bus will be the test…
-Somebody in Columbus will be an unhappy camper next week…Bucky or Brutus…
-I’m leaning towards brutus here….They’re gonna’ be sad…
-And yeah, for obvious HATE reasons….and a couple of stats that lead me to believe that ohio is a paper tiger right now…
-And Wiscy could be for real….and it’ll be strength on weakness – both ways.
- ohio is a tough place to win….
-Sparty is hanging in there against the domers….
-The reason it’s a great game:  either way, somebody I hate is gonna lose!
-Spoilers against Wiscy….Not so much.
-Wiscy has a lot of tailbacks….I wish Michigan had one solid one….
-Volunteers are hanging tough against Gatorland…
-Utah State sealing Lane Kiffin’s fate….nobody in Coliseum….
-Pass Interference AGAIN?  I mean, I hate Sparty…but come on…
-And it’s a B1G crew?  SERIOUSLY?
-I know that the home team should get a call every now and then…
-BUT DON’T DECIDE THE GAME, REF!
-Sparty got their shot to tie or win and “JLS” Dantonio blew it….
-If Sparty fan doesn’t hate Dantonio yet, after another couple of shenanigans like that, they soon will.
-What is Michigan doing on offense?
-Come ON Michigan!  Block somebody…
-Oh no…tipped INT’s suck…QB loses some confidence and momentum shifts…
-What is going on?????
-Devin getting gun shy….I hate that….
-Jeez….Look for the BALL ON A PUNT! 
-What is going on?   Why do we look so inept?
-Great….Why not just score FOR THEM DEVIN?
-It’s not all his fault…it’s not all his fault…
-Is this the game that we shouldn’t lose that we lose?  Can it be?
-To a team that hasn’t won a game? 
-GO DEFENSE!  Great one handed INT Desmond!!!
-Player of the game – Desmond Morgan!
-Now score…Okay….
-Great stop!  Score again…Okay….thank you Fitz….and the line.
-It shouldn’t come down to a Figgie against an 0-2 U-Conn…
-Hoke has a lot of work to do.
-And the press he gets for the next two weeks is well deserved.
-The Gophers in the House in 2 weeks.
-I hope a different team shows up or it’s going to be a long B1G season….

The Hot Seat

Jessica Perez of SI swimsuit fame easily won week #3 in the Hot Seat Mascot voting and will be in the finals with Amanda.  That’s 2 finalists out of 4 potentials.  I can’t believe I had never had the next nominee on the ballot, but I scoured through 5 years of mascot nominees (I know!  I couldn’t believe it had been going on that long, either!) and could not locate even a mention of her.  And she dated one of the Detroit Tigers for a while!  Without further ado, Hot Seat Mascot nominee for Week # 4:  Kate Upton!

 

Hot Seat Rank

1. Mack Brown:  I have to leave him here because I can’t make anyone else number 1 at this point, but
2. Lane Kiffin:  is close to number 1 and whoever loses next will have secured the 1 seat for the year. 
3. Brian Kelly:  Getting lucky against MSU gets you some rants from the domer fan base…but not firing rants…just rants…
4. Dantonio:  On the other hand…There were some ANGRY spartys in that beer tent…and it wasn’t just the beer talking.  I heard a lot of great arguments as to why the Italian Stallion has to go after the end of this season…SOS…But I still think they’re a little premature…
5. Ferentz:  Moving down after beating on little sisters of the poor…however, the children of the corn may be lucky to go 1-4 in the next 5 games in the B1G….It’s murderer’s row for them…
6. Weiss:  Why not?  
7. Pelini:  He’s safe and the staff is behind him…but fans are restless…
8. Hoke….Losing that close to U-Conn keeps you on the list for a week…
9. Beamer – I heard Va-Tech fan over the weekend…they are not happy…
10. Graham:  Winning close over Wiscy and laying an egg against the Cardinal doesn’t bode well for ASU and the “gun for hire living out of a suitcase“ coach…

FMQ Betting Results:

Wow….what a miserable weekend for the FMQ.  And he was SO CONFIDENT in several of his picks.  I have a feeling he might go into conservative mode this week and only bet what he really believes are locks and don’t be surprised if he doesn’t bet the Michigan game….Hee-hee…yeah, Michigan doesn’t play this week so that’s pretty safe assumption.

Sparty (+7.5) @ domers:  Sparty Covers…but should have won..

Take Sparty and the points for $75
WIN!  Bank $142.50

KSU (+4.5) @ Texas:  Okay…K-State Sucks…
Take KSU and the points for $40

LOSE…..

Cremesicles (+17.5) @ Gatorland:  Cremsicles Cover! 
Take Tennessee and the 17.5 for $30
WIN!  Bank $57

Maine @ Northwestern (-28):  Not enough defense Kittens…piss me off again
Take Northwestern and lay the 28 for $60
LOSE…..

Akron (+8) at Louisiana Rajun Cajuns:  Covered, but didn’t win…..

Take Akron and the 8 for $30

WIN!  Bank $57

Stanford (-7.5) @ ASU:  Wow…Easy cover…Graham already looking for a new gig…
Take Stanford and lay the 7.5 for $60
WIN!  Bank $114

Michigan (-17.5) @ UConn:  The FMQ may never, ever, EVER bet Michigan again….
Take Michigan and lay the points for $60

LOSE….

Parlay….LOSE

Starting BANK:         $913

TOTAL WIN:              $370.50

BANK:                        $1,283.50

Final Note:  While this blog only covers college football, I have to add here that “Breaking Bad” is now down to its final episode next Sunday.  As a fan from the very first show, I’ll be incredibly sorry to see it go…There’s not much on regular TV that I look forward to every week any more.  Walter White has to be one of, if not the most compelling character on TV.  Ever.  I know that’s saying a lot, but frankly, I would love to see a list of characters and we could compare him top to bottom.  I have a feeling if you’re bringing up somebody else, you haven’t seen the Walter White evolution from “Mr. Rogers to Tony Montegna in Scarface” over the 5 seasons “Breaking Bad” has been on.

I’m gonna’ miss it….

Ho-Hum Weekend Might Hold a LOT of Value

I was looking at spreads on Monday and it hit me that this weekend is really lacking in any big, marquee games.  Conference play has begun, but the big boys aren’t squaring off with each other yet and some other big teams are playing out of conference opponents. 

When I was looking at the spreads, I saw some value in a couple of plays and I think we’ve got some opportunities to make a little more money this week….As long as we balance things out correctly!

Sparty (+7.5) @ domers:  I was not going to touch this game and then I started thinking about what usually happens down in domerland when sparty visits.  Not in the recent past mind you, but there was a time when sparty owned that field.  With sparty’s defense and an awakening of their offense, I see some value with sparty getting a TD and a teaser…The test will be whether or not sparty’s D is for real against a domer Offense that can actually move the ball….And I will also predict that this might be the first OT game of the season.

Take Sparty and the points for $75

KSU (+4.5) @ Texas:  Nothing can fix the Longhorns at this point and everyone sees and smells blood in the water.  Mack Brown seems like a confused retiree trying to figure out how his I-Phone works - and he's looking for help anywhere he can find it.  I’m not as confident in this pick, but I definitely can see a team that’s not confident when they take the field – and that team wears orange…. 

Take KSU and the points for $40

Cremesicles (+17.5) @ Gatorland:  This used to be a big game…wha’ happn’d?  The cremesicles suck and Gatorland already has an ACC blemish on their record.  Is there some value in the 17.5 that the Vols are getting in what used to be a rivalry match-up and one that Butch Jones has probably had circled on the calendar???  Maybe…

Take Tennessee and the 17.5 for $30

CSU (+39.5) @ Bama:  I am so tempted to take Bama with a hangover and the fact that the former d-coordinator for Saban is the head coach at CSU….But I just can’t pull that trigger.  But I don’t like laying 39.5 on Bama, either….PASS

Maine @ Northwestern (-28):  I think the purple kittens just might open big can of wallop on Maine this weekend…..

Take Northwestern and lay the 28 for $60

Akron (+8) at Louisiana Rajun Cajuns:  When I saw this game and spread, I wanted to believe that Akron getting points was a HUGE value pick after what they did in the Big House…

Take Akron and the 8 for $30

Stanford (-7.5) @ ASU:  Okay, ASU just got really lucky to win that game against Wiscy.  My guess is they are going to be a little hung over.  Stanford has quietly covered all their games so far this year.  I’m ready to get back on the Cardinal bandwagon.

Take Stanford and lay the 7.5 for $60

Michigan (-17.5) @ UConn:  So, let’s see.  Michigan coming off a nearly humiliating experience.  Reports are that they practiced in pads on Sunday and Tuesday was hard hitting and a good practice.  Gardener has reviewed and stated that he’s “learned something from each and every INT he’s thrown this year.”  Everyone seems healthy and UConn hasn’t won a game….I see value in taking Michigan to cover here.

Take Michigan and lay the points for $60

PARLAY!

Sparty – Northwestern - Stanford for $30

Starting Bank:           $1,298

Total Bet:                   $385

BANK:                        $913

Tuesday Morning Odds and Ends

Pelini Gate

Bo Pelini again finds himself in more hot water that he’d probably rather not be in, and its all his own doing.  Meaning:  Bo shot his mouth off again over the weekend about something Tommy Frazier (Husker QB that led Nebraska to two national titles in 94-95) tweeted about the defense in the UCLA game.  That response prompted someone to then release a tape of Bo ripping on the “Fair Weather Fans” in unflattering terms that had previously gone un-aired two years prior.  So, it sounds like things are really heating up in Lincoln.  If you’re a Pelini fan, you have to love his passion.  But if you are a defensive minded fan, you probably can’t wait to see him GONE sooner rather than later.  For a full run down,click here for the story.

Wiscy - ASU Gate

Turns out the officiating crew that botched the end of the Wiscy – ASU game has been reprimanded and it’s not the first time (for some).  Apparently, this is the 2^nd time for some of the officials that screwed up about two years ago on an onsides kick in Oregon that would have set up an upset for the Ducks.  What’s really amazing is that these guys are allowed to continue refereeing.  Look:  I’m not saying being a ref is an easy job.  On the contrary, its extremely difficult at any level and my hat is off to the guys that stay objective, in the moment and repeatedly make the right call.  In fact, I think it’s a gift and you either have it or you don’t.  It’s pretty apparent to the MMQ that the 2^nd time around reprimand for some of these guys is enough to give them the boot.  Sorry, but Collegiate officiating at this point needs to be clean and is just too important for the stakes involved.  Fire ‘em and bring in the next bunch.  The PAC12 is making a mockery of this and needs to take action, more than just “reprimanding” whoever.

South End-Zone Ann Arbor "Bermuda" Triangle

In the domer game when Devin threw that poorly timed interception to Tuitt, the MMQ had a flash back to the Stewart-Westbrook incident in ’92 that I thought occurred in about the same location.  In fact, there is photographic evidence that supports my and a lot of other fans’ observations that there is certainly something strange going on in the South End Zone between the first “I” and the “H” in MICHIGAN.  It's about a 15-20 foot circle of mystery.  And its disturbing.  I tried to recollect other end zone or field locations where equally good or bad things happened, but couldn’t come up with anything specific.  If anyone has any other “coincidences” on the field in specific locations, drop me a line and I will investigate.  Here’s the proof, however, that there is definitely an “Ann Arbor Triangle of Mystery” in the South End Zone.

 

 

Beliema Gate

Jen Beliema apparently tweeted “#karma” after the Wiscy – ASU game.  I get that the Beliema’s were probably not the most popular couple in Madison once her husband made the decision to coach at Arkansas.  But that’s life in collegiate football today.  Stay above the fray, Mrs. Beliema.  You won’t like what fan bases can do once they smell blood in the water.  And I’m sure the student body at Madison will be ready with a response once the Razorbacks lose their first game….

Oklahoma State Gate

Okie State is taking the SI reporter, Jason Whitlock has come out and challenged the “questionable” 5-part series on the University shenanigans and taken the Oklahoma Homer Reporter to task.  Frankly, I agree with Whitlock.  Was the method used to challenge and air his grievance inappropriate?  I dunno.  We all live in Twitterverse now.    Lord knows that NO ONE would ever hire the MMQ to do an investigative report on the domers, Sparty or ohio and expect to get an objective report.  Shame on both parties, maybe, and my feeling is to simply let this thing go and chalk it up to experience.  But, alas, I have a feeling that his story has legs and will be with us longer than the Miami investigation phase of “Booster Gate” that still has not seen a penalty handed down.

Just felt like MMQ nation needed to know all this stuff….

That is all.

Total, Complete, Humiliating, Unmitigated Disaster....Averted

Well, everyone who is and isn’t a Michigan Fan knows what happened in Ann Arbor on Saturday.  The Question should be:  What exactly DID happen?

I’ve gone back and looked at the Akron stats from the first two games that they played.  Akron got killed in the first game against UCF.  It wasn’t even close.  Then they eked past a weak James Madison team and barely beat them.  There is really no logical explanation for what happened Saturday accept for this:

Michigan ASSUMED they would roll and the Zips had other ideas.  I give a lot of credit to the coaching staff (Bowden) of Akron and what they were able to accomplish and take advantage of.  I also take that same amount of credit away from the coaching staff of Michigan and certain players that are wearing the Maize and Blue.  I’m not saying that Akron didn’t do a great job….but I’m not sure Akron is that close had they played Michigan a week before under the lights.

Which brings the ole’ MMQ back to a topic that I have brought up a million times in the past….Ever since the original “Horror”.  I’ll repeat it here again just in case someone is listening:  There is absolutely nothing to be gained by playing an inferior opponent.  You only have everything to lose….and the inferior opponent gets to take that “Rocky” round house swing and hopefully connect on your chin when you’re not looking.   That’s what you’re setting yourself up for every time you play one of these teams.  I would much rather that Michigan played the domers, a PAC12 School and an SEC or Big 12 school for their 3 non-conference games vs. the MAC or anyone else. 

 ut, that’s never going to happen and our coaching staff needs to do a better job of pumping these guys up, even after a big game like the domers and figure out how to keep them moving forward.

After glancing at what I wrote here in the last 5 minutes, I realize I sound like “Every Fan” that you hear on the radio and TV.  I didn’t solve any mysteries or answer any questions.  I guess at the end of the day, all you can do is say, “OK…They won.  2 months from now, IF they keep winning, none of this will matter.”

However, if I had not just purchased a new TV, I would have been shopping for one today after that pick six that Devin threw……There was something close by that would have been flying at the old set….

And the defense finally blitzed on the last play of the last drive which prevented the touchdown…And I walked away.

 I’m never sure how to feel after games like this, but something after watching that game inspired me to start a new segment in the Monday Morning Report vs. recapping the games in the Rest of the Mess.  Not saying the Rest of the Mess is gone…Just trying something different.   Something that fan bases go through that’s very similar to the 5 Stages of Grief.  Something that, if you read this blog, just maybe you will see something in yourself to help you realize that, well, you’re not alone out there.

 5 Stages of Slappy Fan Grief

1.  Denial and Isolation – Teams that have fan bases that are in the Denial and Isolation Stage of Grief:  Michigan, Sparty, ohio, USC Cocks, A&M.  These are teams that are still undefeated or with 1 loss to a really good team and they know they have a problem, but are denying it on their blogs and fan base discussions.  They are dismissing the fact that they don’t have a defense or an offense or there have some other glaring hole that everyone else can see but they are saying, “Hey, if we stick together, we can fix this problem.  No big deal!  We’re still undefeated or sitting with one loss to a really good team!”  But eventually, that Achilles Heel flaw will get you when you least expect it.  Spary’s offense, Michigan’s QB, ohio’s defense and South Carolina’s general state of affairs immediately come to mind as team’s that have issues that the fan bases simply want to deny or stick their collective heads in the sand over and reject that they exist…Until….
2. ANGER – Anger is what happens when you lose that first game that you weren’t supposed to lose.  And you lose it in a way that should NEVER happen and it leaves you swearing out loud at no one in particular.  You are throwing objects, blaming homer announcers and simply flying off the handle, losing control.   IF YOU DIDN’T SEE what happened in the Wiscy-ASU game, allow me to recap. Trailing by two, the Badgers quickly moved down the field, reaching the Sun Devils' 13 with 18 seconds left.  Hoping to set up kicker Kyle French in the middle of the field for a potential game-winning field goal, Wisconsin called for a Stave run left from the right hash mark and take a knee. But as Stave went to kneel, he was clipped by one of his lineman and went down a bit awkwardly as he emphatically placed the ball on the 15-yard line. Stave hopped up quickly and players from both teams stood around for a few seconds, trying to figure out what happened. Stave checked with the referee to make sure the play was dead, but Arizona State's players piled on the ball, thinking it was a fumble. Realizing the clock was still running, the Badgers tried to line up with 2 seconds left to spike the ball, but couldn't get a play off in time. No kick, Game Over.  This is where if I was a Cheesehead, I would have been going ABSOLUTELY INSANE with rage over whatever that coaching staff was thinking.  ANGER has set in on the Cheesehead fan base.  Other teams with fan bases in the Anger phase that are sitting with one (or more) losses and some that are undefeated  that believe their anger will somehow be recognized and heard by the administration:  USC Rubbers, some of the domers, some Sparties, Gatorland, Georgia, Cornsuckers,  ….and it’s not going to let up if they lose another game which then leads to
3. Bargaining – This phase is when you realize that your team just isn’t that good and you figure that if you can win 6….JUST 6 games and make a bowl, or beat your arch rival, your season will somehow be successful as you will get the extra bowl practices (that your team desperately needs!) and you can somehow put some momentum together for the following season.  There are teams that, believe it or not, are already in the bargaining phase.  Yes, it’s tough to believe that even before conference play has started that you can have fan bases in this phase, but they exist.   West Virginia, Purdue and the Cremesicles immediately come to mind.  “Yeah, we’ve lost games we were SUPPOSED to lose…but if we can just win the games we’re SUPPOSED to win, everything will be okay this season….”  Sound familiar?  Bargaining can go either way, but if the team doesn’t produce…it’s a fast, slippery slope down into
4. Depression – This is that cold dark place of despair in slappy fan’s mind where you don’t want to look anyone in the eye at work or talk to anyone about college football simply because if you have to talk about it, you’re too afraid of what might come out of your mouth.  It could be pure venom or a complete betrayal of your team by stating, “That’s not the school I ROOT FOR!  That’s not my alma mater that’s doing that!”  Depression is deep, dark and nasty.  I’m not entirely sure there’s any fan base that has reached depression yet – but most if not all fans know that it’s out there lurking, waiting, like a cold, remorseless predator…And that only sets in once you realize that your team isn’t going bowling or you’ve fired a coach….The only schools that immediately comes to mind with a fan base that might be reaching the depression phase would be the Yellow and Black Children of the Corn….And PSU – but for other reasons.  Depression can linger for a long time…It can be never ending for a lot of Slappy Fans…And this is where they stay.
5. Acceptance – Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone, least of all slappy fan. You have to be a mature fan to get here.  You need to have a great support group (family, friends, etc.) or write a blog and let it all out….This is where you realize that your team just sucks.  And they not only suck, but they are the suckiest of all sucks that suck whatever…Yes, you’re now completely off the bandwagon and have donned the colors of a secondary school simply to avoid any discussion about the issue altogether, albeit you will discuss with like-minded fans at special meetings or in the basement and you will come to conclusions that its either the kids playing or coaching or both.  And you will be right.  But what difference does it make?  The season is over and you are relegated to collegiate spectator, watching the other rabid fans cheer their teams on to victory.  Once proud USF, Syracuse, and UConn come to mind as they are all 0-3 and wondering what happened to their once proud programs.  UConn could get some redemption by taking a page from the Akron book and playing Michigan tough this week….but I doubt it….

Texas – All of the above.  They really need their own separate category at this point.  There are fans in denial, there’s angry fans, fans that hate the players, fans that hate Mack Brown, fans that hate Deloss Dodds (because he can’t and won’t fire Mack Brown) and everything that’s dysfunctional about a program or an athletic department is happening in Austin on the 40 Acres right now.  There won’t be total acceptance by the fan base until there is a change….any change….more than just firing the D-Coordinator…

Idle Thoughts From Saturday

-Not this….Not this again….

-Why?  What the hell is GARDENER DOING!????!!!!!????

-Take 98 away from him now….
-Which, I’m starting to think that I’m not completely sold on. 
-You know, the legends thing…
-For one game, it’s fine.
-And you can move it around among the players.
-But Gardner seems to be folding under the starting pressure and living up to that number.
-Yeah, he was great against the domers.
-But what the H!#$!#lll happened Saturday?
-Why did he keep short-arming his throws?
-I can’t put it all on him…
-He wasn’t getting a lot of time.
-The O-Line looked like they were taking a day off…
-Akron came to play…
-Michigan escaped…
-Get better Jerry Kill
-And take double your meds on Game Day….
-Johnny Football lights them up early.
-But A&M has a defense problem.
-Or maybe Bama’s offense has started to find itself…
-Whichever, it was almost a fantastic ending…
-So, who beats Bama?
-Anyone? 
-I believe there will be someone that gives them a scare…
-But beating them?  Maybe Ole Miss?
-It has to happen sooner or later….
-Okie State scandal is much ado about nothing…in my mind.
-Bama scandal, Not so much….
-Too much evidence and a lot of paper trails…
-Satan may eventually have to answer for something…
-But it is a “Compliance” issue, I guess.
-There’s no way Satan’s head will roll or anything like that…
-Until he loses again to Auburn.
-domers struggled with Purdue. 
-Until that pick, game was closer than anyone thought it would be…
-Is the Michigan-domer game just TOO BIG?
-Do they really fall that far emotionally that early in the season now?
-Or do they simply read and see their own press too much?
-Methinks it’s more of the latter…
-What is Wiscy DOING????!!!!??
-Idiots….I’m mad as a B1G fan at those clowns…

-I can only imagine what the Wiscy Fan Base is going through…

The Hot Seat

Well, the MMQ fans have spoken and Blair O’Neal did not get the weekly nod as the Week #2 Hot Seat Mascot!  Amanda carried over and so far, she is holding serve as the only Hot Seat Mascot that is currently in the finals.  I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, either.  I could handle looking at Amanda’s photo on a regular basis….

This week, I was inspired by SI as I was cruising their site and saw a couple of potential Hot Seat Mascots when I accidentally clicked on the swimsuit section.  I swear it was an accident!  Without further ado, Hot Seat Mascot Week #3 nominee:  Jessica Perez!

 

 

 

 

Poor Mack Brown…Does anything save him now?

Hot Seat Rank

1. Mack Brown:  So, Who does Mack Fire this week?  IS Deloss Dodds bacon cooked as well?
2. Lane Kiffin:  Losing to Wazoo just might be a fire-able offense at USC..
3. Ferentz:  Squeezing by ISU doesn’t move you down the list…
4. Pelini:  This is going to get a lot worse when the cornsuckers lose their next game…
5. Brian Kelly:  Wait…You didn’t roll Purdue over by 50?  FIRE KELLY!  With all of our athletic talent….he should easily win over these guys
6. Weiss:  Why not?  
7. Hoke….Losing that close to Akron puts you on the list for a week…

FMQ Betting Results:

I swear I will never bet Michigan as more than a 3 TD spread ever again…I will never bet Michigan as more than a 3 TD spread ever again.  I will never bet Michigan as more than a 3 TD spread ever again.  There.

I hope that solves that problem.  And I need to work on a few others or we’re going to start going the wrong way!  However, plus $50 or so on the week isn’t a terrible thing, either.

Washington @ the Illini (+9.5):  Take Illinois and the points for $35 –

LOSE – Illini let me down…..
Youngstown State @ Sparty (-27):  Take Youngstown and the 27 for $25
LOSE….Damn Sparty and finding an offense this week…

Louisville (-13) @ Kentucky:  Take Louisville and lay the 13 for $75

WIN!  Bank $142.50  Charlie Strong covers…Whew…

Tennessee @ the Quack Attack (-27.5):  Take the Ducks and lay the 27.5 for $75
WIN!  Bank $142.50  The Ducks may be the betting favorite of the FMQ this season like Stanford was two years ago…

Ohio (-16) @ Cal:  Take ohio and lay the 16 for $40
WIN!  Bank $76   Urban covers and the offense looks good doing it…

Game of the Century XXXIII (or whatever) A&M(+9): Take Texas A&M and the 9 for $40

WIN!  But I would have preferred the outright upset!  Bank $76 

Akron @ Michigan (-37.5):  Take Michigan and lay the 37.5 for $75

LOSE….And I will never Bet Michigan again when they are more than a 3TD spread…EVER!

PARLAY!

Oregon – Michigan-Louisville for $30 - LOSE

Starting BANK:         $831

TOTAL WIN:              $437

BANK:                        $1298