Magical Mystery Dome (October 2, 2006)

Let's do a recap on the weekend: Michigan wins in the Magical Mystery Dome, Tigers Limp into the playoffs, MSU loses.....All is right with the World! Except that Purdue couldn't pull off the upset of the Domers. That was unfortunate, but, I think the Domers have some losses coming.....But I am getting WAY ahead of myself here....

First, let's review what happened Saturday night. The Little Brown Jug - the OLDEST Trophy in College Football - returns to Ann Arbor where it should stay for another 17 - 20 years. First, some credit. I believe that Minnesota is one of the better coached teams in the Big1T1en....Glen Mason can take a little bit of talent and consistently create a nationally leading rushing attack and can also put together a pretty good defense. However, in preparing for this game, I think he reviewed last year's game tape instead of looking at the Wolverines Version 2006. Clearly, he thought that stopping the run last year was the key to the victory and he figured he could go back to that formula, rush the ball and keep it away from the Michigan Offense.....Big Mistake, Glenn......This ISN'T the same team you played last year....Everyone is healthy and the juggernaut is rolling.....Chad Henne is throwing strikes to multiple targets when he needs to and the offense can open up holes even with 8 men in the box. Yes, there was a little concern near the end and the offense could have played a better second half, but that can all be attributed to the Magical Mystery Dome (I can't take credit for that one - overheard where I watched the game -Thanks AP). The Gophers will always be in whatever game they play there until the final seconds tick off......Also - other teams take note - Did you notice how Michigan Classily walked over and claimed the Jug from the Gophers? No braggadocio or "swagger". Just walked over and got it.....Michigan's Motto - "Act like you've been there before." Now we need to take care of some other business......

Next, well, let's get right to it, shall we? Sparty, you amaze me....you almost make this column too easy to write. In fact, you are like the kid everyone picks on in elementary school that you almost start to feel bad for and then you do something stupid that makes you want to pick on them some more! I will, of course, illustrate: Losing to an arch enemy (the domers) in the fashion you did probably had you believing you were a great team, capable of playing a beating other great teams. Therefore, in your pea-brains, you assumed that a victory over lowly Illinois would be automatic. However, there are constants and there are variables in life. One constant - variable is that a bad Big Ten team will always get better (well - except maybe Indiana). Zookie wasn't coming in there and telling his guys to lay down - you should have known that the Illini would be PUMPED looking to get a road win and start the Big Ten off with a win. So, we watch as Illinois takes it to you and we start to feel bad because the WHOLE NATION knows how well you played less than a week ago. Then, the inevitable happens, (Cue the MSU Fight Song and insert the following words for "Fight! Fight! Rah Team Fight! Victory for MSU!") "Oh no! Not Again! Another loss for MSU!" and Sparty has the unmitigated gall to stop the lowly Illinois Team, a team that hadn't won a Big Ten game, much less, a Road game since 2004, from planting their flag on your turf.....Shame on you! After all, YOU CLOWNS STARTED THE WHOLE FLAG PLANTING THING! Jeez, you guys suck.....One of my younger Sparty associates stated how rough Saturday was and that he had never seen anything like this. I would like to relate to him the MANY times in the distant past I have seen Moo U do EXACTLY the same thing as they did Saturday...different coaches, players-everything. But, once a Loser - always a Loser. Any help here to educate the younger Sparty Generation as to just how big a loser this program is would be much appreciated.

So - let's figure out what the Sparty Mental Process will be this week (including all the cliches)
1. Everyone on the team will rally and figure out that a single loss in the Big Ten is not that big a deal.
2. The Team will also figure out that they are fighting to keep John "Losing" Smith's job - the SECOND HIGHEST PAID COACH in the Big Ten - behind the almighty Tressel (jeez - I guess money really can't buy victory. JLS is 0-3 against Michigan).... Also, I really think a lifetime contract for JLS is called for here. I will again of course, illustrate: Is this team better now than they were with Bobby Williams? Of Course! The program is cleaner - as far as we know. The QB isn't pushing and using dope, and I think there is a better overall impression of MSU - except you keep losing..
3. Every Spartan fan will admit that they would take a 1-11 season if that one victory came against Michigan.
4. Nothing to Lose and Everything to win...
5. Records don't mean anything in this game
6. Blah, blah, blah....

I recall last year's assessment leading up to this game:
Out of the 97 Games that have been played against the Jolly Green Giants, Michigan is 65-28-5 (15-6 in the last 21 years). Please explain to me the following:
A. How is this a rivalry? Michigan destroys these inbreeders 2/3's of the time.
B. Aren't rivals supposed to exchange being favored in the game? Last Time MSU was FAVORED in this game was 1968 (Bump Elliot was coach)
C. If it IS a rivalry, the way you are all claiming it to be, you should be a heck of a lot more nervous and less verbal in your assessment of your foe. Michigan respects its rivals and tolerates you nitwits.......
D. Some of the biggest BLOWOUTS in Michigan history have come in this game. The most recent ones coming to mind:
2002 UM 49- MooU3 (This was at UM, but certainly a rival wouldn't let someone score that many points on them, would they?)
1997 UM 32 - MooU 7 (UM went on to win National Championship - Game that also won Woodson Heisman Trophy - THANKS!)
1996 UM 45- MooU 29 (Ah, I fondly recall the Saban years.........)

Do you get my point? You guys suck - accept it. Yes, once in awhile, some idiot with Athletic ability decides to attend State because he either didn't get recruited by Michigan or figured he couldn't handle the competition and went to a school where he could coast.

You know what? This could be a blowout of massive proportions....I remember right before Bobby lost it, we crushed you guys 49-3...or something like that. If Stanton is hurt and you lost your starting tailback for the season and your defense plays like a sieve, well, it should be an interesting game....
(EARLY LINE 16.5 points)

Let's look at the how everyone else finished week 5

Gatorland - REVENGE is sweet....Alabama kept it close, but in the end, the Gators were too much....Urb is coaching that team well. I really think we see in the next three games what UF is made of. The true TESTS: LSU this week in the Swamp and Auburn next week on the Road....Followed by the "We don't call it the World's Largest Cocktail Party Anymore" game against Georgia.....I am sticking by my Florida Championship Game pick - don't let me down...

Husker Nation - Revenge against Kansas on the table and you guys tried to find a way to lose it. But you pulled it out in the end...At Iowa State this week....The Cyclones can hang with anyone...Look out!

ISU - Man, you guys kill me. Another victory (barely) and Northern Iowa (Division 1AA) misses a last second kick to tie it...We weren't looking ahead to the Huskers, were we????

Va Tech HOAKIES - Hey, did I call this one or what? Way to Go Georgia Tech! This team also beats the Domers if they had kept passing......"Like all Jolly Good Fellows, I drink my Whiskey Clear! I'm a Wramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech and a Helluva Engineer!" Gotta love that fight song.... You guys are now the Ball Less Turkeys that is your namesake....(for the newbies to the column - A HOAKIE is a Tom Turkey that has been de-nutted. Don't ask me why they do it. I ain't a farmer. Supposed to make them bigger and meaner or somehing. But I see it as it is - a Big Turkey with no Testicles.)

Suckeyes - You took care of business against IOWA....Looking forward to November 18th!

Honorable Mentions: Texas Tech beats Texas A&M in an instant Classic......What a game
Williams College Beat Trinity College to end the nation's longest winning streak at 31......
Miami barely defeats Houston......Coker is gone.....I think they just want to finish the season with him. Get something out of that big fat contract he got....

Looking forward:

Oregon at California - Cal needs this game
Red Rvier Shootout - Texas vs. Oklahoma.....Can Peterson solidify his run at the Heismann?
Tennessee at Georgia - Fullmer needs this one....

MMQ